"Do you want me to get him?"
This was John at 5am this morning.
He was asking the question, presumably, because I had spent the last 15 minutes in denial that Jack was *again* awake so early, his early babblings progressively giving way to howls of indignation because no one was coming to get him. "No John," I sighed in an irritated tone as I tossed aside the pillow and got up, like it was his fault Jack was awake. I *did* want him to get up with him, of course, but I couldn't in good conscience ask him to do that since he hadn't gotten any more sleep than I had...and he had worked a 12 hour shift yesterday. But I was tired too, and also irritated as I saw my day going down the tube. Jack, I knew, would become cranky and tired by 10. We were planning to go to the library this morning...now a big wrench in the plans. I don't like my plans to change, and this was more the cause of my irritation than my fatigue.
I stomped down the stairs and went to go put on some coffee first before getting Jack. We were out. Fabulous. I scowled into the empty can for a minute before deciding to indulge my inner 5-year old. "I'm going to get coffee!" I shouted up the stairs to John. "OK....do you want me to get Jack?" he asked. "I DON'T CARE!" I yelled back,,,still 5 years old.
I drove the two blocks to McDonald's and back, and that was long enough for the guilt to set in. I knew darned well John would get up with Jack. He was too good a dad not too. I bought John a coffee too, to heat up later, as a goodwill gesture. "Sorry- I'm a brat," I said when I got back. "That's ok, Mel!" he answered, sitting on the couch with a cranky Jack. John...he's always like this, always the sweet, calm center in the place of my ever-changing moods. It wasn't ok- I'd acting like a jerk. If he acted this way towards me he'd be sleeping in his car. Alas, my moodiness also comes with a healthy double-standard. I have very low tolerance for other moody people. Jack wouldn't even look at me, stung by his morning shunning. I sat down next to them and pulled Jack on my lap, sent John back to bed, and resigned myself to a sleepy morning of reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom and watching Signing Time.
I post this because I have heard from a couple of people lately that reading homeschooling mom blogs makes them feel inferior. This is my own little public service...broadcasting my imperfections. Don't you feel better? :)