Thursday, May 10, 2007


"Do you want me to get him?"

This was John at 5am this morning.
He was asking the question, presumably, because I had spent the last 15 minutes in denial that Jack was *again* awake so early, his early babblings progressively giving way to howls of indignation because no one was coming to get him. "No John," I sighed in an irritated tone as I tossed aside the pillow and got up, like it was his fault Jack was awake. I *did* want him to get up with him, of course, but I couldn't in good conscience ask him to do that since he hadn't gotten any more sleep than I had...and he had worked a 12 hour shift yesterday. But I was tired too, and also irritated as I saw my day going down the tube. Jack, I knew, would become cranky and tired by 10. We were planning to go to the library this a big wrench in the plans. I don't like my plans to change, and this was more the cause of my irritation than my fatigue.

I stomped down the stairs and went to go put on some coffee first before getting Jack. We were out. Fabulous. I scowled into the empty can for a minute before deciding to indulge my inner 5-year old. "I'm going to get coffee!" I shouted up the stairs to John. " you want me to get Jack?" he asked. "I DON'T CARE!" I yelled back,,,still 5 years old.

I drove the two blocks to McDonald's and back, and that was long enough for the guilt to set in. I knew darned well John would get up with Jack. He was too good a dad not too. I bought John a coffee too, to heat up later, as a goodwill gesture. "Sorry- I'm a brat," I said when I got back. "That's ok, Mel!" he answered, sitting on the couch with a cranky Jack. John...he's always like this, always the sweet, calm center in the place of my ever-changing moods. It wasn't ok- I'd acting like a jerk. If he acted this way towards me he'd be sleeping in his car. Alas, my moodiness also comes with a healthy double-standard. I have very low tolerance for other moody people. Jack wouldn't even look at me, stung by his morning shunning. I sat down next to them and pulled Jack on my lap, sent John back to bed, and resigned myself to a sleepy morning of reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom and watching Signing Time.

I post this because I have heard from a couple of people lately that reading homeschooling mom blogs makes them feel inferior. This is my own little public service...broadcasting my imperfections. Don't you feel better? :)


Terimisu said...

You are so hilarious!!

Nancy C. Brown said...

Thanks for this. It proves you're human. And that makes you one of the group. Welcome.
Blogs can be anything we want: we can gloss things over and make everything rosy, we can be real, we can always report the nitty gritty, the choice is ours.

I like it when people are real best, but I often don't have time on my own blog to put down those things.

I appreciate your sharing because I've been there, done that, regretted that, been guilty, too. Been forgiven, and learned from it. Those are good things.

You're a great mom to care this much, and to homeschool your kids. You go, girl.