A little background...Kain and Jack sharing a bedroom has kind of been a bust. The two of them going to bed together...not good. Counting on Jack to be tired enough at the slightly later bedtime to pass out quickly...not happening. Counting on Kain to be the responsible older kid who sets the proper bedtime tone...yeah, right. I pretty much might as well be putting *two* three year olds in bed at the same time and counting on them to fall asleep quickly and easily. They keep each other up for hours while I turn into a shrieking maniac.
So, back to my crunchy momma roots, I brought Jack back upstairs to the hippy family bed. The baby's crib is already bumpered up against our king sized bed. I'm hoping it'll actually see more action this way. When Jack was a baby, it was pretty much a $200 laundry hamper for the first few months. Anyway, I made up a little pad on the floor next to John's side of the bed for Jack. For the last several nights, at 7pm, I take Jack up there and we read, we snuggle, we sing...I smooch his neck and drum out the Mexican hat dance on his belly...just sweet, silly stuff. Then I pretend to fall asleep myself, and he soon follows. When John and I come up to bed later on, we move him to the pad on the floor. Sometimes he stays there until morning,,,more often he ends up back in bed, wedged up against my back. I have really enjoyed having this time with him at night and don't regret bringing him back to our bed one bit. It's been such a gentle and lovely way to end the day with him, and often the only one on one time we get together. So, I guess that's why, tonight, once he fell asleep, I stopped to really look at him, and trace his eyebrows, and breathe in his breath, and uncurl his fingers, and then started crying for my baby who won't be the baby anymore, any day now. And he's so unaware of how much things are going to change for him, he doesn't really get what's about to happen at all, and he's so secure in his place as "the baby", and I know the changes will be for the better overall, but I'm still sad to see it all change for him, for us. How can you happily anticipate something so much and still feel some sadness about it at the same time? I can only hope it's just hormones.