The Pope is here, and I am pretty much in the dark about it. We have basic, basic cable, you see, and this is a good thing most of the time, but every once in a while I wish we had some decent news coverage and/or EWTN. Yesterday I watched TV for a while in the morning trying to catch some coverage of the official greeting ceremonies. I found some at the Early Show, where, over the Pope's speech, the broke the news that apparently there was a big sex scandal in the church a while back. Anyone hear of this? Oh, you have? Ok, I was just checking, because all day it was breaking all over the news like it happened yesterday, so I was wondering... I watched some angry people insist that the Pope address the issue...and he did, in what I thought was a sincere and humble way...and then watched them insist that it was "too little too late". I'm not really sure what they expect this Pope, who was an Archbishop in Germany when these abuse cases happened, to do to satisfy them at this point. I agree, for the victims, anything would be too little too late at this point. I agree that the ideal thing would have been for the abuse charges to be handled appropriately way back when they first occurred, i.e., for the priests that hurt these children and abused their vocation so horribly to be not only arrested but locked in a private cell with large, angry inmates looking for new girlfriends. But the butchering of these cases came out years ago, people have been sent to jail, priests have been defrocked, settlements have been paid...I'm not really sure what would not be "too little too late" at this point. They did interview some priest in the Washington D.C. area and the (ignorant and overbearing) reporter, again acting like this was fresh-breaking news, demanded to know what the Church was going to do ensure that these cases were prevented in the future. The bewildered priest started to list off all the things that *have* been done since these cases broke...a *lot* has changed, actually...and if the reporter had actually bothered to learn anything about the issue she would have known that, but whatever... and then she wanted to know what the Pope and his staff thought about his "lack of popularity" among Americans. This just made me laugh out loud. This is an ongoing issue in the American press, you see. I heard a lot of these kinds of comments when Pope John Paul II died and the conclave was going on, there were lots of comments about the "popularity" of different cardinals, which cardinals were too "controversial" (i.e., conservative) to actually be elected, because surely the church was ready to elect someone more mainstream by now?, and questions about how these different "candidates" would be working the Vatican to promote their election, that kind of thing. Americans assume everything is a democratic process. The Church is not a democracy. The Church believes that the Pope is the Vicar of Christ on Earth, that Jesus Christ chose the first Pope, Peter ("on this rock I will build my church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it"), and that there have been a direct line of Popes ever since. A Pope is elected by conclave, a very prayerful and solemn process, because the Cardinals want the Holy Spirit to pick the Pope. Because it's not a popularity contest. He was elected Pope, not prom queen, and I seriously doubt he cares one wit about how popular the American press considers him.
After I disgustedly gave up on actually finding out anything about this actual Pope and his actual visit here, I left the room for a bit and came back in to find the programming had switched to The View. Ick. I've never really sat through a whole episode of this show...the cackling of the hens involved is a big turn off for me, and frankly I found it really exasperating after Rosie O'Donnell joined the flock after turning from Sweet and Funny Person to Angry Lesbian with a Giant Chip on Her Shoulder. Of course, Rosie is gone, but Whoopie is there. And Whoopie thinks that the whole problem of the sex scandals would have been avoided completely if only the backward and archaic church allowed women priests. And allowed priests to marry, because apparently the reason these priests felt the need to abuse young boys is simply because they couldn't get any anywhere else. Because, after all, women never commit abuse. Nor do married men. They are never pedophiles, right? Any shrink will tell you that the reason people abuse children is simply because they aren't getting any at home, right? Good call, Whoopie.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The spirit is willing
but my back is weak....
My energy level has been good the past week. I've been really motivated to get stuff done so I can feel finally ready for the baby to come. Maria and I spent the weekend digging through storage boxes of unorganized kids' clothing. We had a year or so when we had clothing coming in faster than I could organize it. When I was pregnant with Jack, I had an ultrasound at 30 weeks that said he was a girl...and hand-me-downs of baby girl clothes followed. Then, 10 weeks later...Jack was born. Not a girl. And hand-me-downs of baby boy clothes came. Then we had clothing that Maria had outgrown, clothing that Jack had outgrown, clothing for Jack to grow *into*, and finally, when Kain arrived, clothing Kain had outgrown as well. After Christmas, I dug through these boxes and pulled out Maria's outgrown clothing (7 boxes worth!) and gave it to a friend with two smaller girls. I'd given away Maria's tiny clothes a long time ago. These things were all size 7 or bigger. Even if this baby is a girl, that's too many years to hang onto something someone else could be using. Then I dug out clothing that Kain had outgrown and gave it to a friend of mine that has a boy a couple of years younger than Kain. This same friend has given me almost everything Jack has ever worn, so I felt like it was the least I could do...and it truly wasn't much. Not a lot of clothing survives Kain and is still worth passing on.
So, this weekend, I had clothes Jack had outgrown, clothes that didn't yet fit Jack, and assorted baby clothes. We sorted and organized these, pulling out all neutral baby stuff, including cloth dipes, to be washed and ready for Peanut in May. We boxed up and labeled "baby boy" and "baby girl" stuff so that these things would be easy to find when we bring home...well, whichever type of baby we happen to have. And then there's a couple of boxes of "toddler boy" and "preschool boy", and one lone half-full box that contains a few too big things I have been given for Maria and Kain.
At the same time, I was able to pull out spring and summer clothing for the kids as well. This week I plan to switch out their clothes, sort out what fits, and figure out what holes I need to fill. In the process I can finish moving Jack's clothes into Kain's room and free up his dresser and changing table for the baby.
Whew.
In other news, we had our first family yard day yesterday! It was beautiful weather,,,just cool enough to stay comfortable, and sunny...so sunny that I got my first sunburn of the year. Maria and I raked. And raked. And raked. We just wanted to do this one messy corner of the front yard by the fence, but once we got over there it we found out that apparently every leaf in the whole neighborhood had blown into this one corner. It was a *lot* of raking. Maria's chief job was climbing in and out of the yard waste can and stomping leaves down, a la the "I Love Lucy" grape stomping episode, which coincidentally we just saw on TV the other night. Then I dragged Kain out of the house and put him to work helping me rake a much smaller corner. Kain and I also weeded a big overgrown flower bed, gathered fallen branches and sticks out of the front yard, and hacked down some brush growing along the fence. The kids weeded out the little beds around their baby dogwood trees and we planted some wildflower seeds around them. Not the best choice...some of these flowers will probably grow bigger than the trees...but it was a low-maintenance choice. With that, the front yard was done, and we took a long lunch break and had Chick-Fil-A out on the back deck.
After lunch, we tackled the back yard, with considerably less energy...my back and hips were killing me at this point. Kain and Maria hacked down large weedy overgrowth around the huge flower beds that wrap around the back yard and hauled the mess to our quickly growing brush pile. I cleaned up our large deck of the considerable mess of leaves and branches, cleaned up some outside toys, and spray painted a large, rusty, wrought iron plant stand that I'm hoping to use to bring indoors and grow some herbs in pots. I also cleaned out the assorted large pots on the deck and planted some seed in those. John, this whole time, was busy hacking down the rainforest that has grown in the three foot path between the garage and back fence. I wanted to do some work in the other flower beds, but I reached a point where I just couldn't do anymore. We took an early dinner break and had pizza and movie night.
This morning I am sore and achy, but I'm proud of what we got done. We still have plenty to do, at least enough to fill one more family yard day for sure. Those large flower beds out back still have to be weeded and seeded, and there's a few smaller ones too...the previous owners sure loved flower beds. And there's some brush along the back fence, and lots of sticks and branches to pick up, the gravel driveway and path that wrap around the house needs to be herbicided (is that a word?), and the siding on the north side of the house needs to be cleaned. After the yard waste can is emptied on Thursday, we will need to fill it right back up and keep it filled each week all summer long to get rid of that huge brush pile. But we made a lot of progress, and I'm proud of my little work crew.
My energy level has been good the past week. I've been really motivated to get stuff done so I can feel finally ready for the baby to come. Maria and I spent the weekend digging through storage boxes of unorganized kids' clothing. We had a year or so when we had clothing coming in faster than I could organize it. When I was pregnant with Jack, I had an ultrasound at 30 weeks that said he was a girl...and hand-me-downs of baby girl clothes followed. Then, 10 weeks later...Jack was born. Not a girl. And hand-me-downs of baby boy clothes came. Then we had clothing that Maria had outgrown, clothing that Jack had outgrown, clothing for Jack to grow *into*, and finally, when Kain arrived, clothing Kain had outgrown as well. After Christmas, I dug through these boxes and pulled out Maria's outgrown clothing (7 boxes worth!) and gave it to a friend with two smaller girls. I'd given away Maria's tiny clothes a long time ago. These things were all size 7 or bigger. Even if this baby is a girl, that's too many years to hang onto something someone else could be using. Then I dug out clothing that Kain had outgrown and gave it to a friend of mine that has a boy a couple of years younger than Kain. This same friend has given me almost everything Jack has ever worn, so I felt like it was the least I could do...and it truly wasn't much. Not a lot of clothing survives Kain and is still worth passing on.
So, this weekend, I had clothes Jack had outgrown, clothes that didn't yet fit Jack, and assorted baby clothes. We sorted and organized these, pulling out all neutral baby stuff, including cloth dipes, to be washed and ready for Peanut in May. We boxed up and labeled "baby boy" and "baby girl" stuff so that these things would be easy to find when we bring home...well, whichever type of baby we happen to have. And then there's a couple of boxes of "toddler boy" and "preschool boy", and one lone half-full box that contains a few too big things I have been given for Maria and Kain.
At the same time, I was able to pull out spring and summer clothing for the kids as well. This week I plan to switch out their clothes, sort out what fits, and figure out what holes I need to fill. In the process I can finish moving Jack's clothes into Kain's room and free up his dresser and changing table for the baby.
Whew.
In other news, we had our first family yard day yesterday! It was beautiful weather,,,just cool enough to stay comfortable, and sunny...so sunny that I got my first sunburn of the year. Maria and I raked. And raked. And raked. We just wanted to do this one messy corner of the front yard by the fence, but once we got over there it we found out that apparently every leaf in the whole neighborhood had blown into this one corner. It was a *lot* of raking. Maria's chief job was climbing in and out of the yard waste can and stomping leaves down, a la the "I Love Lucy" grape stomping episode, which coincidentally we just saw on TV the other night. Then I dragged Kain out of the house and put him to work helping me rake a much smaller corner. Kain and I also weeded a big overgrown flower bed, gathered fallen branches and sticks out of the front yard, and hacked down some brush growing along the fence. The kids weeded out the little beds around their baby dogwood trees and we planted some wildflower seeds around them. Not the best choice...some of these flowers will probably grow bigger than the trees...but it was a low-maintenance choice. With that, the front yard was done, and we took a long lunch break and had Chick-Fil-A out on the back deck.
After lunch, we tackled the back yard, with considerably less energy...my back and hips were killing me at this point. Kain and Maria hacked down large weedy overgrowth around the huge flower beds that wrap around the back yard and hauled the mess to our quickly growing brush pile. I cleaned up our large deck of the considerable mess of leaves and branches, cleaned up some outside toys, and spray painted a large, rusty, wrought iron plant stand that I'm hoping to use to bring indoors and grow some herbs in pots. I also cleaned out the assorted large pots on the deck and planted some seed in those. John, this whole time, was busy hacking down the rainforest that has grown in the three foot path between the garage and back fence. I wanted to do some work in the other flower beds, but I reached a point where I just couldn't do anymore. We took an early dinner break and had pizza and movie night.
This morning I am sore and achy, but I'm proud of what we got done. We still have plenty to do, at least enough to fill one more family yard day for sure. Those large flower beds out back still have to be weeded and seeded, and there's a few smaller ones too...the previous owners sure loved flower beds. And there's some brush along the back fence, and lots of sticks and branches to pick up, the gravel driveway and path that wrap around the house needs to be herbicided (is that a word?), and the siding on the north side of the house needs to be cleaned. After the yard waste can is emptied on Thursday, we will need to fill it right back up and keep it filled each week all summer long to get rid of that huge brush pile. But we made a lot of progress, and I'm proud of my little work crew.
Friday, April 11, 2008
family yard day
We have a large double lot yard that has spent a lot of the last couple of years as an overgrown mess. It's got several large flower beds that wrap around the house, lots of smaller areas that need to be weedwacked, gravel paths and driveways that quickly become overgrown with weeds, and several large trees that shed various messed depending on the season. When we bought this house, the yard was a big motivator for me. There's plenty of room for the kids to play, plenty of room for a nice vegetable garden...but, having pretty much always lived in apartments prior to this, I completely underestimated how much time a yard like this can take to keep up. John does not enjoy yardwork, frankly, and I'm doing well if I can motivate him to keep up with the basic mowing and weedwacking. I *love* yardwork but don't have a lot of time to give to it...plus, the wooden privacy fence is incomplete, it only goes around 3/4 of the yard, and I have a 3 year old that likes to roam. I am, however, determined to conquer this stressor. I really, really want a nice yard that we can be proud of, not something that embarasses me when friends come over. I made a plan for this year,,,trying to be realistic in my planning since we have the baby coming in May. I researched wildflower beds. Apparently I can rake out and till the large flower beds, spray some round-up to kill weed seeds, and a couple of weeks later just sprinkle some wildflower seeds down and let them grow into pretty much maintenance free beds. Each year they will grow bigger and better, choking out any weeds, and except in cases of drought require no watering or any help from me. Sounds like a plan. The overgrown vegetable garden will be weeded and turned over and then tarped for the year, except for a small square that will hold a few tomato plants. Gotta have fresh tomatoes. Along with these plans, the whole yard just needs a good clean-up. All I need is labor. So, I brilliantly came up with "family yard day". I planned to have two of them early this month. I would get the crew out there, everyone would take turns being in charge of making sure Jack was safe and happy, and we would pick up something easy for dinner and have a family movie night as a reward. I pitched the idea to my less motivated kids,,,they were not as thrilled as I was, but whatever. I planned the days anyway, carefully picking days that John was off of work and that we didn't have anything else going on, no small task. The problem has been the weather. It has been raining. And raining. And raining. Yesterday would have been perfect, but here's what our yard looked like yesterday morning when I woke up.....
I'm trying to be grateful. We've had several inches already this month alone, and many areas near us have had terrible flooding. John, of course, has been working any sunny days that we've had. Or, like today, it's finally a sunny day, John's off of work, and I've got a midwife appointment an hour's drive from here and Maria has soccer practice afterwards. In the meantime, the grass grows taller and the weeds grow into small shrubs...they love the rain! And the daily temperatures get warmer. The more time that goes by, the more likely we will lose cool spring days to work in and be stuck with humid southern stickiness. Next week looks rain free though, and I have a day picked out....keeping my fingers crossed! And best of all, we will finally have the fence finished with our income tax rebate. No more roaming 3 year old!
I'm trying to be grateful. We've had several inches already this month alone, and many areas near us have had terrible flooding. John, of course, has been working any sunny days that we've had. Or, like today, it's finally a sunny day, John's off of work, and I've got a midwife appointment an hour's drive from here and Maria has soccer practice afterwards. In the meantime, the grass grows taller and the weeds grow into small shrubs...they love the rain! And the daily temperatures get warmer. The more time that goes by, the more likely we will lose cool spring days to work in and be stuck with humid southern stickiness. Next week looks rain free though, and I have a day picked out....keeping my fingers crossed! And best of all, we will finally have the fence finished with our income tax rebate. No more roaming 3 year old!
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Jack- at three and a half
Jack loves- brownies, cake, any kind of dessert will do, really.
- the alphabet. He loves to sign the alphabet, read alphabet books, play
with alphabet toys and puzzles, and he can tell you all the sounds all
the letters make and what words begin with those letters.
- vehicles, of any kind, really, planes, cars, trucks, but his favorite
toy in the world is still his wooden train set. I pick it up once a week
to mop the playroom floor, and he immediately pulls it back out and sets
up his beloved tracks again.
- water. Bathtubs, puddles, the creek, it doesn't matter where it is, he
loves to get in it. We can't wait for pool weather again.
- his family. He loves to snuggle in Momma's bed, go for long walks with
Daddy, put on music and dance with Maria, and play anything at all with
Kain. He's also crazy about his Meme and Papa. Papa is his "best
friend.
- going places. Every morning after he gets dressed, he wants to "go to
the car". He also just loves people in general and greets the cashiers
with, "How ya doin?" and leaves them with, "Bye, have fun!"
Jack hates- vegetables and meat. He's horribly picky.
- bedtime. What a boring way to end the day!
- being told "no". For obvious three year old reasons.
We celebrated being 3 1/2 with ice cream this afternoon.
In other news....some random Eastertime pics I never got around to posting....
Decorating eggs....excuse my dining room, still papered in that lovely old newsprint. It's somewhere on my list of "fixing up the fixer upper".
The Big Hunt....it was *cold*...
The Easter altar...check out our grass, remember the bowl of dirt from Ash Wednesday? And that's our former crown of thorns decorated with flowers.
painted pots the kids made at church....
more decorations...each one of the plastic eggs has a goodie inside, and we're opening one each Sunday during the Easter season.
There's no pictures of Maria! She was with my parents that week and we didn't see her until Easter Sunday. She was at the egg hunt, but off with the big kids somewhere while I stayed behind and helped Jack.
Monday, April 07, 2008
The bad and the ugly
I have not posted a lot about Kain lately. This is probably the most painful part of my life right now, and I have been hesitant to share it on a blog. But, I was talking via email with a mom with a similar child, and she felt so alone in the way she felt towards her child...as do I. I think there's something to be said for sharing these kinds of stories. People need a realistic view of what it is to raise a child with these kinds of problems. We were not foolish enough to think we could take in a child that has been damaged for six years and feed him good meals and read him good stories and everything would be fixed. But I have to admit that if I really understood how hard it would be, I doubt I would have taken it on.
Kain is still being evaluated. He has been getting treatment for his ADHD, but it's not the whole story. They are looking at a possible diagnosis of bipolar disorder as well. Anyway, he is in one of his "down cycles" right now, whatever you want to call them...a fairly long one for him, we are almost at a week of it now. That's nothing shocking, it's something we deal with pretty regularly...the problem is that *I* am handling him particularly poorly this time around. I've never handled him wonderfully during these times. I am not the most, ah, docile personality in the world, and I'm not someone that handles a raging person well anyway. Couple that with pregnancy hormones and the fact that this has all happened over Jack's asthma flare-up and my gallbaldder issues,,,Jack got sick Thursday night and Friday afternoon I had my very first gallbladder attack and spent the night in the hospital dehydrated and having regular contractions,,, and my tolerance is a bit low, as in, Kain is lucky to be alive and unscarred at this point. I mean, he spent that whole time Friday that Jack was wheezing horribly and I was in terrible pain *whining* and throwing little fits about *everything*. When he's in these moods, it's like you can see him sitting there stewing, coming up with things to b***ch about, I got everything from, "How come you haven't fixed corn bread in so long?" to "When is Uncle John taking me to laser tag again?" and everything in between....not just questions mind you, but whining combined with fits of various sizes if there was not a satisfactory answer to follow...and this all combined with total disobedience and testing behavior. I just couldn't believe it, kept saying, "Kain, Jack was almost in the ER last night, ok? Do you see that he can't breathe? Do you see that I'm in horrible pain right now? Do you really expect me to go whip you up a batch of cornbread????!!!!"
The worst was Saturday evening, the day I got back from the hospital. I wasn't going to cook, obviously, so John made some frozen pizza for the kids. Kain proceeded to inhale most of an entire pizza in his usual fashion. He still sometimes eats so fast that he makes himself vomit...used to be a frequent problem but it's happening less unless it's something he really loves, like pizza. I told him to slow down, and he ignored me. Twice. So then I told him (in a very nice tone, I might add, that I was making supreme effort to produce, lol) that I wanted him to take a bite of pizza and set the slice down while he chewed and swallowed the bite that was in his mouth. He immediately went into a high rage, screaming (he's extremely loud, btw, ear-splitting), eyes bugging out of his head...if he'd had a gun I'd be dead. I took his plate and told him to go to his room and calm down, and he continued to rage and scream and fit for a while, then went into his room and carried on for a good half an hour. Jack, in the meantime, was terrified and crying too. I can only imagine what effect his fits will have on this baby when it gets here. I didn't handle it well. Even when his fit passed, he was pouty and very much playing the victim, something that *really* irritates me about him is that he doesn't ever accept responsibility for his behavior or seem to see that he did anything wrong. So, I was hateful to him all night. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't spank him, something that I've tried in the past and don't do anymore because then he started flinching every time I came near him for anything...apparently brought up bad memories for him, whether he realizes where it comes from or not, he seems to have forgotten all that happened when he lived with his mom now...I realize that was a bad idea, but I've been desperate, and frankly no one has been forthcoming with any better ideas, so I have been up for trying *anything*. I let him come out and eat when he calmed down, and then I sent him to his room until bedtime because I just couldn't stand to be around him anymore. It wasn't a long time, maybe 20 minutes, the boys start getting ready for bed right after dinner and I wasn't in the mood for tackling baths, but he missed read aloud time and threw a fit about that. I just couldn't stand the whole "snuggle on the couch and read" thing, I was *so* angry at him. He was whining to come out for prayers too, so when we started prayers, he had been quiet for a bit and I told him he could come out for that if he wanted to, so he yells, "I'm not coming out for prayers unless you read to me!", so I said, fine, forget it, stay in your room, which triggered another fit. We ended up taking Jack upstairs to sleep in our bed to get him away from it all, which also ticked Kain off even more and set off another screaming fit, and I just shut his door and left him. He screamed and raged for two hours before he fell asleep.
Lest you think Kain is always like this, those of you less familiar with him, he's not. He'll have weeks at a time where he is quite sweet and mostly cooperative, and when he does misbehave he at least fairly contrite, or fakes it pretty well anyway, frankly it's hard to tell because he can be manipulative too. But then we have weeks like this, weeks where, frankly, if his mom showed up with crack pipe in one hand and child beating boyfriend in the other and wanted to take him, I'd give her a big hug and kiss, push him out, and lock the door behind him. Sunday was more of the same, though to a lesser extent than the "big event" the night before. He went to his Dad's last night (THANK YOU GOD), so we'll see what's waiting for me when he returns.
It's killing me. Literally. I am *so stressed out* and feel like I can't make anyone understand how stressful this is on our family. I feel like we are just floundering here. The only ones who *really* know are my parents, only because they actually raised him for 6 months before he came here and he was the same way for them. For others, he can be pretty good for short periods. He always behaves at his dad's. Of course, his dad has his favorite "drug", constant video games. When he was living with my parents, his dad was there too, and he was hateful for his dad then too. Whomever is raising him, it seems, gets the worse, regardless. But with the ADHD meds, he can control himself in classes and practices and around others pretty well. But Adderall doesn't cover the damage at home, the rage that comes out when he's in familiar territory. Most people just tell us how much better he seems. And he is, most of the time.
Anyway, that's enough I guess. I'm just venting. In a few days this mood of his will pass, and things will be relatively ok again, until the next one. Mostly I'm disappointed that our hopes have changed so much. I hoped we would be able to make Kain ok, to undo some of the damage here, but I'm less and less sure of that as time goes now. Now I feel like we'll be lucky to raise him safely to adulthood without driving the rest of us insane. It makes me sad. I want to love this child, I really do. I do, in the sense that I have chosen to love him, and I do strongly believe that love is a decision. We have decided to love him. But no one in this house really *likes* him, really *wants* him. I feel so badly about that, I wish we felt differently. I *want* to want him here. He *needs* to be wanted. And I pretend to want him here, we all do. But he's not a likeable child, and I'm having a lot of difficulty bonding with him. And I feel like we can't give him what he needs, and frankly I don't know if anyone can anymore. I don't think he has an attachment disorder, I really don't. I've read the symptoms, his are not that severe. In fact, I read about those cases and feel pretty lucky, like it could be a lot worse. I mean, he's not hanging the cats or setting the house on fire, kwim? And, like I said, we have weeks that are pretty calm and easy, though I have my doubts even then that his affections are sincere during those times. He doesn't seem to have true affection for anyone, really. He seems to adore his father, loves to go over there. But if his dad got rid of the video games, I wonder if Kain would care if he ever went over there again? Because he is *very* much attached to *things*....video games, computers, his favorite toys, favorite foods, often irrationally, like he'll become ridiculously attached to a stick he found out in the yard, that kind of thing.
The hardest part for me is that I feel like such a failure. I feel like if I was *really* a good enough mother, if I prayed harder, if I was more patient, more loving, didn't lose my temper so much, wasn't so angry with him all the time, that he would be better. I feel like I fail and sin every day, because what kind of horrible person can't see Christ in an 8yo little boy? That night, on Saturday, I sat in the living room listening to him rage and scream and just cried and cried. At times like that I think, what difference does it make if he's here? He might as well be in a foster home. He seems to have plateaued, he's not getting any better anymore, he hasn't truly attached to us and he's quit improving. He seems to sometimes when his mood is better, but like I said, I often feel manipulated by him and wonder if anything like that is sincere. My mom is worried that he will destroy us and told me to consider just giving him back to his father. She said she doesn't think he's going to turn out normally no matter who raises him, and he's going to destroy us in the process. But I can't in good conscience give him to my brother. My brother can't even keep himself fed and housed. Every other month he is jobless and homeless for heaven's sake. And even when things are relatively stable for him, he's not a fit parent. He's lazy and his life is always a mess. Just looking at those two sad girls his girlfriend is raising is enough to make me scream. He'll never make sure he has his meds, gets to his appointments, has what he needs for school, that kind of thing. My brother just....exists. No responsibility at all. And I struggle mightily with anger towards my brother, for these things and more...he consistently avoids even taking Kain once a week, with one lame excuse after another, he refuses to do even the smallest thing for his son. If he would just willingly take him every week and not consistently act like it was something he was trying to get out of half the time, it would help. Frankly, I wonder if it would be less damaging to Kain if he just went away instead of repeatedly hurting him over and over.
I wish I could really reach him. I wish I could know what he really thinks, what he really feels and what goes on inside his head. I wish I could reach in there and fix things and make him feel loved and happy and content. I wish I could hunt down his mother and make her see how much she has damaged this child. I wish I could make my brother see how much he continues to damage him, and me, and make him actually give a damn about that.
Ok, ok, long enough...stuff to do....my gallstone attack made me realize I have got to start getting stuff done around here before this baby comes, no matter what! If you've read all of this, God love you. It's good to vent.
Kain is still being evaluated. He has been getting treatment for his ADHD, but it's not the whole story. They are looking at a possible diagnosis of bipolar disorder as well. Anyway, he is in one of his "down cycles" right now, whatever you want to call them...a fairly long one for him, we are almost at a week of it now. That's nothing shocking, it's something we deal with pretty regularly...the problem is that *I* am handling him particularly poorly this time around. I've never handled him wonderfully during these times. I am not the most, ah, docile personality in the world, and I'm not someone that handles a raging person well anyway. Couple that with pregnancy hormones and the fact that this has all happened over Jack's asthma flare-up and my gallbaldder issues,,,Jack got sick Thursday night and Friday afternoon I had my very first gallbladder attack and spent the night in the hospital dehydrated and having regular contractions,,, and my tolerance is a bit low, as in, Kain is lucky to be alive and unscarred at this point. I mean, he spent that whole time Friday that Jack was wheezing horribly and I was in terrible pain *whining* and throwing little fits about *everything*. When he's in these moods, it's like you can see him sitting there stewing, coming up with things to b***ch about, I got everything from, "How come you haven't fixed corn bread in so long?" to "When is Uncle John taking me to laser tag again?" and everything in between....not just questions mind you, but whining combined with fits of various sizes if there was not a satisfactory answer to follow...and this all combined with total disobedience and testing behavior. I just couldn't believe it, kept saying, "Kain, Jack was almost in the ER last night, ok? Do you see that he can't breathe? Do you see that I'm in horrible pain right now? Do you really expect me to go whip you up a batch of cornbread????!!!!"
The worst was Saturday evening, the day I got back from the hospital. I wasn't going to cook, obviously, so John made some frozen pizza for the kids. Kain proceeded to inhale most of an entire pizza in his usual fashion. He still sometimes eats so fast that he makes himself vomit...used to be a frequent problem but it's happening less unless it's something he really loves, like pizza. I told him to slow down, and he ignored me. Twice. So then I told him (in a very nice tone, I might add, that I was making supreme effort to produce, lol) that I wanted him to take a bite of pizza and set the slice down while he chewed and swallowed the bite that was in his mouth. He immediately went into a high rage, screaming (he's extremely loud, btw, ear-splitting), eyes bugging out of his head...if he'd had a gun I'd be dead. I took his plate and told him to go to his room and calm down, and he continued to rage and scream and fit for a while, then went into his room and carried on for a good half an hour. Jack, in the meantime, was terrified and crying too. I can only imagine what effect his fits will have on this baby when it gets here. I didn't handle it well. Even when his fit passed, he was pouty and very much playing the victim, something that *really* irritates me about him is that he doesn't ever accept responsibility for his behavior or seem to see that he did anything wrong. So, I was hateful to him all night. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't spank him, something that I've tried in the past and don't do anymore because then he started flinching every time I came near him for anything...apparently brought up bad memories for him, whether he realizes where it comes from or not, he seems to have forgotten all that happened when he lived with his mom now...I realize that was a bad idea, but I've been desperate, and frankly no one has been forthcoming with any better ideas, so I have been up for trying *anything*. I let him come out and eat when he calmed down, and then I sent him to his room until bedtime because I just couldn't stand to be around him anymore. It wasn't a long time, maybe 20 minutes, the boys start getting ready for bed right after dinner and I wasn't in the mood for tackling baths, but he missed read aloud time and threw a fit about that. I just couldn't stand the whole "snuggle on the couch and read" thing, I was *so* angry at him. He was whining to come out for prayers too, so when we started prayers, he had been quiet for a bit and I told him he could come out for that if he wanted to, so he yells, "I'm not coming out for prayers unless you read to me!", so I said, fine, forget it, stay in your room, which triggered another fit. We ended up taking Jack upstairs to sleep in our bed to get him away from it all, which also ticked Kain off even more and set off another screaming fit, and I just shut his door and left him. He screamed and raged for two hours before he fell asleep.
Lest you think Kain is always like this, those of you less familiar with him, he's not. He'll have weeks at a time where he is quite sweet and mostly cooperative, and when he does misbehave he at least fairly contrite, or fakes it pretty well anyway, frankly it's hard to tell because he can be manipulative too. But then we have weeks like this, weeks where, frankly, if his mom showed up with crack pipe in one hand and child beating boyfriend in the other and wanted to take him, I'd give her a big hug and kiss, push him out, and lock the door behind him. Sunday was more of the same, though to a lesser extent than the "big event" the night before. He went to his Dad's last night (THANK YOU GOD), so we'll see what's waiting for me when he returns.
It's killing me. Literally. I am *so stressed out* and feel like I can't make anyone understand how stressful this is on our family. I feel like we are just floundering here. The only ones who *really* know are my parents, only because they actually raised him for 6 months before he came here and he was the same way for them. For others, he can be pretty good for short periods. He always behaves at his dad's. Of course, his dad has his favorite "drug", constant video games. When he was living with my parents, his dad was there too, and he was hateful for his dad then too. Whomever is raising him, it seems, gets the worse, regardless. But with the ADHD meds, he can control himself in classes and practices and around others pretty well. But Adderall doesn't cover the damage at home, the rage that comes out when he's in familiar territory. Most people just tell us how much better he seems. And he is, most of the time.
Anyway, that's enough I guess. I'm just venting. In a few days this mood of his will pass, and things will be relatively ok again, until the next one. Mostly I'm disappointed that our hopes have changed so much. I hoped we would be able to make Kain ok, to undo some of the damage here, but I'm less and less sure of that as time goes now. Now I feel like we'll be lucky to raise him safely to adulthood without driving the rest of us insane. It makes me sad. I want to love this child, I really do. I do, in the sense that I have chosen to love him, and I do strongly believe that love is a decision. We have decided to love him. But no one in this house really *likes* him, really *wants* him. I feel so badly about that, I wish we felt differently. I *want* to want him here. He *needs* to be wanted. And I pretend to want him here, we all do. But he's not a likeable child, and I'm having a lot of difficulty bonding with him. And I feel like we can't give him what he needs, and frankly I don't know if anyone can anymore. I don't think he has an attachment disorder, I really don't. I've read the symptoms, his are not that severe. In fact, I read about those cases and feel pretty lucky, like it could be a lot worse. I mean, he's not hanging the cats or setting the house on fire, kwim? And, like I said, we have weeks that are pretty calm and easy, though I have my doubts even then that his affections are sincere during those times. He doesn't seem to have true affection for anyone, really. He seems to adore his father, loves to go over there. But if his dad got rid of the video games, I wonder if Kain would care if he ever went over there again? Because he is *very* much attached to *things*....video games, computers, his favorite toys, favorite foods, often irrationally, like he'll become ridiculously attached to a stick he found out in the yard, that kind of thing.
The hardest part for me is that I feel like such a failure. I feel like if I was *really* a good enough mother, if I prayed harder, if I was more patient, more loving, didn't lose my temper so much, wasn't so angry with him all the time, that he would be better. I feel like I fail and sin every day, because what kind of horrible person can't see Christ in an 8yo little boy? That night, on Saturday, I sat in the living room listening to him rage and scream and just cried and cried. At times like that I think, what difference does it make if he's here? He might as well be in a foster home. He seems to have plateaued, he's not getting any better anymore, he hasn't truly attached to us and he's quit improving. He seems to sometimes when his mood is better, but like I said, I often feel manipulated by him and wonder if anything like that is sincere. My mom is worried that he will destroy us and told me to consider just giving him back to his father. She said she doesn't think he's going to turn out normally no matter who raises him, and he's going to destroy us in the process. But I can't in good conscience give him to my brother. My brother can't even keep himself fed and housed. Every other month he is jobless and homeless for heaven's sake. And even when things are relatively stable for him, he's not a fit parent. He's lazy and his life is always a mess. Just looking at those two sad girls his girlfriend is raising is enough to make me scream. He'll never make sure he has his meds, gets to his appointments, has what he needs for school, that kind of thing. My brother just....exists. No responsibility at all. And I struggle mightily with anger towards my brother, for these things and more...he consistently avoids even taking Kain once a week, with one lame excuse after another, he refuses to do even the smallest thing for his son. If he would just willingly take him every week and not consistently act like it was something he was trying to get out of half the time, it would help. Frankly, I wonder if it would be less damaging to Kain if he just went away instead of repeatedly hurting him over and over.
I wish I could really reach him. I wish I could know what he really thinks, what he really feels and what goes on inside his head. I wish I could reach in there and fix things and make him feel loved and happy and content. I wish I could hunt down his mother and make her see how much she has damaged this child. I wish I could make my brother see how much he continues to damage him, and me, and make him actually give a damn about that.
Ok, ok, long enough...stuff to do....my gallstone attack made me realize I have got to start getting stuff done around here before this baby comes, no matter what! If you've read all of this, God love you. It's good to vent.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
heard today...
Jack- I wanna another brownie!
Me- You've already had two, that's enough. (He actually only had one, broken in half)
Jack- I want three brownies!
Me- I don't have anymore brownies for you.
Jack- I want.....a hundred brownies!
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Me, doing Latin vocabulary with Maria today- "pugno"...means "I fight". Do you know any derivatives of "pugno".
Maria- No.
Me- Well, that's a harder one. Have you heard the word "pugnacious" before?
Maria- Um...no.
Me- Ok, let's look it up. "Pugnacious" means, "inclined to quarrel or fight readily; quarrelsome; belligerent; combative". Can you use it in a sentence?
Maria- Kain is pugnacious.
Me- You've already had two, that's enough. (He actually only had one, broken in half)
Jack- I want three brownies!
Me- I don't have anymore brownies for you.
Jack- I want.....a hundred brownies!
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Me, doing Latin vocabulary with Maria today- "pugno"...means "I fight". Do you know any derivatives of "pugno".
Maria- No.
Me- Well, that's a harder one. Have you heard the word "pugnacious" before?
Maria- Um...no.
Me- Ok, let's look it up. "Pugnacious" means, "inclined to quarrel or fight readily; quarrelsome; belligerent; combative". Can you use it in a sentence?
Maria- Kain is pugnacious.
random morning thoughts...or, "be careful what you pray for"
So, I got this book when I placed my order for our homeschooling supplies for next year. I'm not far into it, taking the advice in the introduction to read it slowly and prayerfully. It's a good little book though. It kind of reads like what I *wish* I got when I went to confession...actual constructive criticism and advice. In it, Escriva regularly chastises the reader for various character issues, often issues related to laziness in regard to daily duties, which are a special favorites in my own personal list of flaws. I fell asleep praying for help in the duties of my vocation, for the strength to avoid the temptation of procrastinating chores I didn't feel like doing, to stay on our daily schedule (which starts by making sure I get up on time, something hard to do when you aren't sleeping well!), and to tackle the projects that need finishing before the baby comes....generally for more self-discipline.
Well, you know, that God, he does know how to answer a prayer...my general plan for a weekday morning includes waking up at 6am. John wakes up at 5:15 to start getting ready for work, and so when his alarm went off I was already forming a litany in my head of all the reasons I should be able to sleep in a little this morning. Then, before John even hit the shower, Jack woke up and joined me in bed, and it soon became clear that he did not intend to go back to sleep. I put on a Thomas video and rolled back in bed, hoping that would buy me a little bit more time. John, by this time, was in the shower in our master bathroom, a sadly neglected bathroom as only master bathrooms can be. They are easy to ignore, yes? No one ever uses it besides John and me, no one else ever even sees it, and so it is usually the last priority as far as bathroom cleaning goes in a house with three bathrooms, the other two of which are accessible to visitors and also see regular kid use. Cleaning this particular bathroom was definitely on my list of procrastinated chores.
When John was finished in the bathroom, he joined Jack and I on the bed and informed me that the toilet had become terribly clogged and gross. He had managed to clear the pipe, but in the process the toilet had back into the tub, and so now the tub was a mess of,,,,well,,,you know. So, you see, my prayers are answered. Not only did I find the motivation to tackle some procrastinated chores, but I was forced from bed...not merely on time, mind you, but early enough to tackle the unexpected chores and still stay on schedule this morning. God is good. And he has a great sense of humor, yes?
On a different note, at 5:56 I came downstairs and put on the tv, waiting for Word World to come on for Jack so I could have my morning tea in peace...Jack, it seems, is unaware that our schedule calls for him to stay in bed until 7am...and while flipping slowly through to PBS I passed one of those protestant religious channels, I don't even know what it's called offhand...but anyway, this woman was preaching (something that never fails to surprise me a little bit, being raised Catholic and all). She was quite funny, so I lingered a minute. She announced that Jesus said, "I have come that you might have a NEW AND HAPPY LIFE!"
Wow...really? I actually laughed out loud. A new and *happy* life? That's not how my gospel reads. I mean, don't get me wrong, my life is on the whole quite happy. But I am acutely aware, every single day, that this is a gift. Not a gift because I'm holy enough to deserve happiness, or because I've done something to earn a good marriage and good kids, but just a gift I've been granted, for whatever reason, for this period of time, and a gift that could be changed tomorrow for a different gift, a cross of suffering. I'm aware of this because I look around me every day and see good people, better and holier people than I'll ever be, even innocent children, suffering tremendously. When you read your bible or the stories of the lives of the saints, you find that those closest to God very often suffered terribly. In fact, I think it was St. Teresa of Avila that said something like, "If this is how you treat your friends, Lord, no wonder you have so few of them."
Of course, in our culture suffering equals unhappiness...in Christ, this isn't to be the case. In Catholic teaching, suffering, done well and united with Christ, has great value. The saints were happy to suffer for the kingdom, were happy to know they were united with the will of Christ and with his sufferings on the cross. So, though I don't think she meant it this way, and she did still misquote the bible a bit, maybe the woman on tv this morning was right. Christ did come to bring us a new and happy life...if we can really embrace what true happiness is supposed to be.
Well, you know, that God, he does know how to answer a prayer...my general plan for a weekday morning includes waking up at 6am. John wakes up at 5:15 to start getting ready for work, and so when his alarm went off I was already forming a litany in my head of all the reasons I should be able to sleep in a little this morning. Then, before John even hit the shower, Jack woke up and joined me in bed, and it soon became clear that he did not intend to go back to sleep. I put on a Thomas video and rolled back in bed, hoping that would buy me a little bit more time. John, by this time, was in the shower in our master bathroom, a sadly neglected bathroom as only master bathrooms can be. They are easy to ignore, yes? No one ever uses it besides John and me, no one else ever even sees it, and so it is usually the last priority as far as bathroom cleaning goes in a house with three bathrooms, the other two of which are accessible to visitors and also see regular kid use. Cleaning this particular bathroom was definitely on my list of procrastinated chores.
When John was finished in the bathroom, he joined Jack and I on the bed and informed me that the toilet had become terribly clogged and gross. He had managed to clear the pipe, but in the process the toilet had back into the tub, and so now the tub was a mess of,,,,well,,,you know. So, you see, my prayers are answered. Not only did I find the motivation to tackle some procrastinated chores, but I was forced from bed...not merely on time, mind you, but early enough to tackle the unexpected chores and still stay on schedule this morning. God is good. And he has a great sense of humor, yes?
On a different note, at 5:56 I came downstairs and put on the tv, waiting for Word World to come on for Jack so I could have my morning tea in peace...Jack, it seems, is unaware that our schedule calls for him to stay in bed until 7am...and while flipping slowly through to PBS I passed one of those protestant religious channels, I don't even know what it's called offhand...but anyway, this woman was preaching (something that never fails to surprise me a little bit, being raised Catholic and all). She was quite funny, so I lingered a minute. She announced that Jesus said, "I have come that you might have a NEW AND HAPPY LIFE!"
Wow...really? I actually laughed out loud. A new and *happy* life? That's not how my gospel reads. I mean, don't get me wrong, my life is on the whole quite happy. But I am acutely aware, every single day, that this is a gift. Not a gift because I'm holy enough to deserve happiness, or because I've done something to earn a good marriage and good kids, but just a gift I've been granted, for whatever reason, for this period of time, and a gift that could be changed tomorrow for a different gift, a cross of suffering. I'm aware of this because I look around me every day and see good people, better and holier people than I'll ever be, even innocent children, suffering tremendously. When you read your bible or the stories of the lives of the saints, you find that those closest to God very often suffered terribly. In fact, I think it was St. Teresa of Avila that said something like, "If this is how you treat your friends, Lord, no wonder you have so few of them."
Of course, in our culture suffering equals unhappiness...in Christ, this isn't to be the case. In Catholic teaching, suffering, done well and united with Christ, has great value. The saints were happy to suffer for the kingdom, were happy to know they were united with the will of Christ and with his sufferings on the cross. So, though I don't think she meant it this way, and she did still misquote the bible a bit, maybe the woman on tv this morning was right. Christ did come to bring us a new and happy life...if we can really embrace what true happiness is supposed to be.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
7 weeks to go
Today we are 33 weeks pregnant...time for an update!
New this week- I am enormous. I can't kneel at mass anymore because there's not enough belly room between the kneeler and the pew. I also can't fit into the booths in the snack bar at the skating rink. I can barely fit behind the steering wheel of my car. My back hurts, my right hip hurts, and I gladly (most of the time) accept all of this because my pregnancies are healthy, my babies (so far) have been healthy, and so I can't really complain about these small troubles.
New this week- I am enormous. I can't kneel at mass anymore because there's not enough belly room between the kneeler and the pew. I also can't fit into the booths in the snack bar at the skating rink. I can barely fit behind the steering wheel of my car. My back hurts, my right hip hurts, and I gladly (most of the time) accept all of this because my pregnancies are healthy, my babies (so far) have been healthy, and so I can't really complain about these small troubles.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
a new meme
I've been tagged by Morning Glories and Moonflowers for this meme that's been circling the blog-o-sphere....I know, I said no more posts until Easter, but I've actually been working on this post for a few days, trying to think of interesting things, heh. I'm just finishing it up tonight cuz I'm looking for distraction. I'm lonely! My favorite daughter is gone, my husband is gone. Tomorrow is Easter morning and it'll just be me and the boys going to mass and hunting eggs! We will be joining more family for dinner, so don't feel too sorry for me. :)
Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share seven facts about yourself (some random, some weird).
3. Tag seven people by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
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1. I keep a running list of little pet peeves in my head, probably from watching too many Seinfeld episodes. Like the way Wendy's always overstuffs their bags so that the fries stick out of the top and get cold on the way home. Or the way companies now put those little foil lids over the top of all the condiment bottles for you to try and pry off without getting BBQ sauce all over the place. Or people who ride your rear end in traffic so that they can get you to move over to the other lane and they can move up five more feet to the car that was right in front of *you*. I actually waste energy stewing over these things. It's a sickness. And on a particularly hormonal day, it's enough to send me over the edge man!
2. I hate kids' books that are based on television shows and Disney movies. You know the kind, right? They form the bulk of the books in the scholastic book catalogues. They will have the title of the movie or show, like "The Wild Thornberrys" or "The Lion King", and there won't even be an author listed because no one wants to claim credit for putting a tv script down on paper. These were the books the kids would often pick out at the bookstore, and then I imposed a buying ban and told them if they wanted them they could spend their own allowance on them. No one has bought one since. Now I just need to purge the ones I have on the shelves, especially since I now also refuse to read them to anyone. They are long and boring and a total drudge to read. Twaddle, anyone?
3. Can I talk about more stuff I hate? lol...this is quite therapeutic. I hate cd's, dvd's, and cd-rom's and think they are a plot by The Man to get us to spend more money on disposable objects. We live in a world of amazing technology. I have toys made of such indestructible material they will be sitting in a landfill 800 years from now. Can they REALLY not make cd's and such out of more durable material? Now that we have three kids messing with these things pretty much every dvd, cd, and cd-rom we own is now scratched and ruined, waiting for someone to go through them, tediously try them all out, and pitch the ones scratched beyond repair, which is pretty much all of them since I've never had any luck with those "repair kits". I do, however, have video tapes such as Barney's "ABC's and 123's" that Maria got for her first birthday, and cassettes such as the Poison's "Pour Some Sugar on Me" that I got for my 14th birthday. Really. So, who thought it was a brilliant idea to replace these relatively indestructible things with fragile discs that scratch if you breathe on them wrong? That's right people...The Man.
4. I took three years of Latin in high school. What, did you not think someone who listened to hairbands could be such a nerd? It has come in surprisingly handy....quite useful if you should go to nursing school, want to start teaching your 3rd grader Latin, or play Jeopardy.
5. I love, love, love children's literature of the non-screenplay variety. My very favorite is The Velveteen Rabbit, a certain edition in particular with the most beautiful illustrations I've ever seen in a book. I love Peter Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh (pre-Disney), "Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse", "The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry and The Big Hungry Bear", Frog and Toad, The Chronicles of Narnia, "We're Going on a Bear Hunt", The Secret Garden, The Phantom Tollbooth...so many fantastic ones out there among the twaddle.
6. Most of the adult books I read are non-fiction though. This isn't because I don't like adult fiction, but it tends to suck me in and make me hide myself in a corner all day so I can read instead of doing what I need to be doing. Plus, if it's depressing at all it colors my mood and puts me in a funk the whole time I'm reading it.
7. I used to be a smoker. People are always shocked by that and say, "You don't look like a smoker," which I think is funny. I'm not really sure what it means. I think it means I'm too fat to look like a smoker. hehe. But a smoker I was, once upon a time. What's really funny is that I hated to date smokers when I was single, even though *I* was a smoker, because I always intended to quit someday and I sure didn't want to be married to a smoker, yuck! :) When John and I started dating, he was already a reformed smoker (It's like some kind of rule, if you're a nurse you very likely are a smoker or at least a former smoker. We are insuring the future of our profession). I was still smoking, which I didn't let him find out for as long as possible of course. Then when he found out, *he* started smoking again, which *really* ticked me off...nothing like that good ole double standard, right? I married him anyway, the lucky guy, and quit soon after that. John kept smoking off and on for quite a while. It's really hard to quit when you are still working with a bunch of smokers, I know. He did finally quit a couple of years ago, apparently for good. Yay, John!
I'm late with this meme, it's been making the rounds and I'll bet most people have done it already so I'm not sure who to tag! I'll tag Entropy, cuz I know she's be on a blog break for Lent, and anyone else that hasn't done it yet, leave a note in the comment box so I can read your answers! :)
Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share seven facts about yourself (some random, some weird).
3. Tag seven people by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. I keep a running list of little pet peeves in my head, probably from watching too many Seinfeld episodes. Like the way Wendy's always overstuffs their bags so that the fries stick out of the top and get cold on the way home. Or the way companies now put those little foil lids over the top of all the condiment bottles for you to try and pry off without getting BBQ sauce all over the place. Or people who ride your rear end in traffic so that they can get you to move over to the other lane and they can move up five more feet to the car that was right in front of *you*. I actually waste energy stewing over these things. It's a sickness. And on a particularly hormonal day, it's enough to send me over the edge man!
2. I hate kids' books that are based on television shows and Disney movies. You know the kind, right? They form the bulk of the books in the scholastic book catalogues. They will have the title of the movie or show, like "The Wild Thornberrys" or "The Lion King", and there won't even be an author listed because no one wants to claim credit for putting a tv script down on paper. These were the books the kids would often pick out at the bookstore, and then I imposed a buying ban and told them if they wanted them they could spend their own allowance on them. No one has bought one since. Now I just need to purge the ones I have on the shelves, especially since I now also refuse to read them to anyone. They are long and boring and a total drudge to read. Twaddle, anyone?
3. Can I talk about more stuff I hate? lol...this is quite therapeutic. I hate cd's, dvd's, and cd-rom's and think they are a plot by The Man to get us to spend more money on disposable objects. We live in a world of amazing technology. I have toys made of such indestructible material they will be sitting in a landfill 800 years from now. Can they REALLY not make cd's and such out of more durable material? Now that we have three kids messing with these things pretty much every dvd, cd, and cd-rom we own is now scratched and ruined, waiting for someone to go through them, tediously try them all out, and pitch the ones scratched beyond repair, which is pretty much all of them since I've never had any luck with those "repair kits". I do, however, have video tapes such as Barney's "ABC's and 123's" that Maria got for her first birthday, and cassettes such as the Poison's "Pour Some Sugar on Me" that I got for my 14th birthday. Really. So, who thought it was a brilliant idea to replace these relatively indestructible things with fragile discs that scratch if you breathe on them wrong? That's right people...The Man.
4. I took three years of Latin in high school. What, did you not think someone who listened to hairbands could be such a nerd? It has come in surprisingly handy....quite useful if you should go to nursing school, want to start teaching your 3rd grader Latin, or play Jeopardy.
5. I love, love, love children's literature of the non-screenplay variety. My very favorite is The Velveteen Rabbit, a certain edition in particular with the most beautiful illustrations I've ever seen in a book. I love Peter Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh (pre-Disney), "Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse", "The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry and The Big Hungry Bear", Frog and Toad, The Chronicles of Narnia, "We're Going on a Bear Hunt", The Secret Garden, The Phantom Tollbooth...so many fantastic ones out there among the twaddle.
6. Most of the adult books I read are non-fiction though. This isn't because I don't like adult fiction, but it tends to suck me in and make me hide myself in a corner all day so I can read instead of doing what I need to be doing. Plus, if it's depressing at all it colors my mood and puts me in a funk the whole time I'm reading it.
7. I used to be a smoker. People are always shocked by that and say, "You don't look like a smoker," which I think is funny. I'm not really sure what it means. I think it means I'm too fat to look like a smoker. hehe. But a smoker I was, once upon a time. What's really funny is that I hated to date smokers when I was single, even though *I* was a smoker, because I always intended to quit someday and I sure didn't want to be married to a smoker, yuck! :) When John and I started dating, he was already a reformed smoker (It's like some kind of rule, if you're a nurse you very likely are a smoker or at least a former smoker. We are insuring the future of our profession). I was still smoking, which I didn't let him find out for as long as possible of course. Then when he found out, *he* started smoking again, which *really* ticked me off...nothing like that good ole double standard, right? I married him anyway, the lucky guy, and quit soon after that. John kept smoking off and on for quite a while. It's really hard to quit when you are still working with a bunch of smokers, I know. He did finally quit a couple of years ago, apparently for good. Yay, John!
I'm late with this meme, it's been making the rounds and I'll bet most people have done it already so I'm not sure who to tag! I'll tag Entropy, cuz I know she's be on a blog break for Lent, and anyone else that hasn't done it yet, leave a note in the comment box so I can read your answers! :)
Friday, March 21, 2008
last pre-Easter post
This will be my last post before Easter Sunday...shouldn't even be posting this morning, Good Friday, but my plans have gone out the window anyway. Kain is at his Dad's, Maria is with my parents, and John is at work...it's just me and Jack today!
Someone pointed out something funny in the post below,,,if you click on the picture of Jack below to enlarge it, you will notice how almost all of the books in his bed are about vehicles of different kinds...even the stuffed toy he's sleeping with is a Thomas the Tank Engine. Shows where his passions lie.
My pet peeve of the week...
We have a cat we have been trying to get rid of. We've had her for probably nearly two years now, we found her as a tiny stray kitten, but she cannot be consistently house trained. We've decided we can't keep her, especially with a new baby coming, and my house is starting to smell like a litter box. I've only put up with it this long for Maria's sake,,,she loves that cat. For many reasons, we decided the most humane thing to do would be to have the vet put her down. We considered finding a home for her as a barn cat, but we didn't think she'd have a good life that way. She goes outside, but rarely and reluctantly and not for very long. She much prefers to stay in. From what I've been told, the barn cat life is not really a great one, and many people don't feed their barn cats at all because they want them motivated to hunt. We couldn't in good faith pass her along to a shelter without telling them that we haven't been able to house train her, because I'd hate for some other family to adopt her and find out that out the hard way. And I figured once they knew that she'd never get adopted. I didn't want to take her to animal control because she'd definitely be put down there, but it'd be more traumatic for her that way than us just taking her to the vet to have it done quickly.
Well, I've found out that I could get rid of one of my children more easily than I can get rid of a cat. The vet was horrified with my reasoning and refused to put her down. She gave me the names and numbers of several no-kill rescues in the area. John called them all and they were all full and couldn't take her. Then he called a couple of humane societies and found one that would put her on a waiting list for "problem animals". That was the best we could do. I was debating the animal control option, but decided to put out the word about our situation to see if we could find her a home as a barn cat after all, and we did manage to find someone that would take her. I hope she does ok there. These are friends of ours, I know that if she can have a decent life as a barn cat with anyone it would be with them. If she was a cat that enjoyed being outside more, I wouldn't be concerned, but I still think the most humane option would have been for the darned vet to put her down, and frankly I'm a little irritated at being treated like some kind of serial killer for trying to do such a thing. I love animals too....more than many people. We are in the process of reducing meat in our diet so that we can switch to organic meat, mainly because the site of Tyson chicken trucks with their filthy birds crammed into cages like so many sardines and knowing they spend their whole lives this way makes me want to cry. So, I am not heartless when it comes to animals, I'm really not. This cat is our 4th, and we really didn't want a 4th cat. I've taken in many strays in my lifetime. She probably would have become a feral cat or road kill if we didn't take her in two years ago. We tried to make it work, and this decision obviously wasn't an easy one or we wouldn't have waited two years to do it. I was going to have her put down because I really thought it was the most humane thing for *her*. She's a young cat, and having her live many years as a barn cat when she hates being outdoors or in a cage at a rescue as a "problem cat" with little hope of being adopted just didn't seem as humane to me. And as much as I love animals, they are not human beings, they do not have eternal souls, and I really don't see anything wrong with having an animal humanely put down when there aren't any other good options.
It has occurred to me that I could have aborted the baby I'm carrying far more easily than I have been able to get rid of a stray cat. What does that say about our society?
Someone pointed out something funny in the post below,,,if you click on the picture of Jack below to enlarge it, you will notice how almost all of the books in his bed are about vehicles of different kinds...even the stuffed toy he's sleeping with is a Thomas the Tank Engine. Shows where his passions lie.
My pet peeve of the week...
We have a cat we have been trying to get rid of. We've had her for probably nearly two years now, we found her as a tiny stray kitten, but she cannot be consistently house trained. We've decided we can't keep her, especially with a new baby coming, and my house is starting to smell like a litter box. I've only put up with it this long for Maria's sake,,,she loves that cat. For many reasons, we decided the most humane thing to do would be to have the vet put her down. We considered finding a home for her as a barn cat, but we didn't think she'd have a good life that way. She goes outside, but rarely and reluctantly and not for very long. She much prefers to stay in. From what I've been told, the barn cat life is not really a great one, and many people don't feed their barn cats at all because they want them motivated to hunt. We couldn't in good faith pass her along to a shelter without telling them that we haven't been able to house train her, because I'd hate for some other family to adopt her and find out that out the hard way. And I figured once they knew that she'd never get adopted. I didn't want to take her to animal control because she'd definitely be put down there, but it'd be more traumatic for her that way than us just taking her to the vet to have it done quickly.
Well, I've found out that I could get rid of one of my children more easily than I can get rid of a cat. The vet was horrified with my reasoning and refused to put her down. She gave me the names and numbers of several no-kill rescues in the area. John called them all and they were all full and couldn't take her. Then he called a couple of humane societies and found one that would put her on a waiting list for "problem animals". That was the best we could do. I was debating the animal control option, but decided to put out the word about our situation to see if we could find her a home as a barn cat after all, and we did manage to find someone that would take her. I hope she does ok there. These are friends of ours, I know that if she can have a decent life as a barn cat with anyone it would be with them. If she was a cat that enjoyed being outside more, I wouldn't be concerned, but I still think the most humane option would have been for the darned vet to put her down, and frankly I'm a little irritated at being treated like some kind of serial killer for trying to do such a thing. I love animals too....more than many people. We are in the process of reducing meat in our diet so that we can switch to organic meat, mainly because the site of Tyson chicken trucks with their filthy birds crammed into cages like so many sardines and knowing they spend their whole lives this way makes me want to cry. So, I am not heartless when it comes to animals, I'm really not. This cat is our 4th, and we really didn't want a 4th cat. I've taken in many strays in my lifetime. She probably would have become a feral cat or road kill if we didn't take her in two years ago. We tried to make it work, and this decision obviously wasn't an easy one or we wouldn't have waited two years to do it. I was going to have her put down because I really thought it was the most humane thing for *her*. She's a young cat, and having her live many years as a barn cat when she hates being outdoors or in a cage at a rescue as a "problem cat" with little hope of being adopted just didn't seem as humane to me. And as much as I love animals, they are not human beings, they do not have eternal souls, and I really don't see anything wrong with having an animal humanely put down when there aren't any other good options.
It has occurred to me that I could have aborted the baby I'm carrying far more easily than I have been able to get rid of a stray cat. What does that say about our society?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
A big catch up post.....
I haven't been posting much of substance lately, I know. I "write" in my head all the time, but very little has been making it here. I don't know if it's the time change, getting over the flu, 3rd trimester pregnancy, or the crazy tree pollen that has my head so plugged up that I feel like I'm walking underwater all day...boy, I'd give my left arm for some Claritin...but I'm really struggling to just make it through the day the last couple of weeks. I'm super tired and really forgetful (more than usual!), and it's all very irritating because, HELLO, I am 31 weeks pregnant today! and I have lots of stuff to DO before this baby comes!!! This has all affected our Lenten plans as well...so many things I've wanted to do have fallen through the cracks in my poor brain. Many, many days I forget to pray the Chaplet with the kids, many, many days we have forgotten our sacrifice jars, or the kids will remember just as I'm tucking them in and I'll be too tired to bother and promise them we'll remember tomorrow...I'm hoping to do a better job during Holy Week. We did manage to pull off a little something for St. Patrick's Day last week...I know, it's not until Monday, but the Church has asked that we not celebrate on Monday because it's during Holy Week and would be inappropriate to celebrate during a time of recollection and repentance. The other day, Maria read aloud Tomie de Paola's picture book about the life of St. Patrick. She made Irish soda bread all by herself, I made corn beef, cabbage, and potatoes in the crock pot (which is *really* easy to do, btw, if you've never tried it), and we both made lime pie and lime punch for dessert...it was all very, very yummy! We had a little mishap with the soda bread...the recipe called for the butter to be cut into the flour with a pastry cutter, which Maria didn't know how to do, so I told her I'd be right there to help her. While she was waiting, she decided to go ahead and add the wet ingredients,,,so, I couldn't cut the butter in after that! We substituted vegetable oil instead and kept our fingers crossed, and it actually came out pretty good...good enough that I've been toasting the leftovers for breakfast. It's pretty yummy with some apricot jam.
I had plans to do something yesterday for the Solemnity of St. Joseph, but just couldn't muster it up...sorry St. Joseph. :( We went to Palm Sunday mass last night. John was working today, and since the kids didn't have PSR this morning, we decided to go to mass with John for a change. Jack, however, reminded me why we don't do evening masses anymore. At the beginning of this mass, they have the children process through the church with palm branches. I thought Jack would love to do this. We never found out though, because he didn't even make it through the opening prayer before he started screeching and had to be taken out. He fell asleep on my lap in the Narthex and so I spent mass there, returning long enough to lug his sleeping 40 pounds over my pregnant belly as I lumbered up for communion. I'm not sure what to do about services this week for Holy Thursday and Good Friday. I love to go to these services...but John is working a lot this week, I don't think he's likely to be off, and I dread taking the boys by myself.
As for Easter plans...well, this year is just a season of "doing what you can do" all around. John is working Easter Sunday...such are the hazards of being married to a nurse. My favorite mass of the whole year is the Easter vigil mass. We usually go to the one at Little Portion Hermitage, and it is *lovely*. It's also very late, and very long. Last year, John had to leave with Jack very soon into the mass and so he missed the whole thing. And this year, John wouldn't even be able to come. That, combined with the thoughts of managing Kain long after his Adderall has worn off, has me making other plans. The boys and I will go to one of the Sunday morning masses at our own parish instead and join my parents at the Hermitage afterwards for the Easter egg hunt and Easter dinner. Maria will have a great experience though. My parents are picking her up on Wednesday and she will stay with them until Sunday. This means she will get to go to Holy Week services at the Hermiage, including their Holy Saturday Seder meal...I'm so jealous! I've never been to their Seder and have always wanted to go, but I've always had a young child in tow and it's late and long and not really a fun thing for little kids. Ah well...such things are for another season of life I guess.
Here's some random pictures of the last week or so....
Last week we had a lovely warm day with temperatures around 70 degrees, so we planned another nature walk, this time with some friends. The photos aren't as good, or as plentiful. John was working this time, so I had my hands full trying to keep Jack out of the creek.
This is a picture of Kain's adopted dogwood tree,,,you can't tell here, but there are some leaf buds swelling. Maria missed her tree somehow on the walk...a hazard of hiking with friends along I guess.
Here's Jack engaging in his favorite hiking activity, throwing rocks in the water. He could do this all day. Shortly after this, he waded in up to his ankles when I wasn't watching and spent the rest of the day with wet feet.
And here is a sign of Real Spring...daffodils along the side of the trail starting to bud.
And Jack, pooped out at the end of the day. It was a long one...after the hike, we had a picnic lunch and then headed on to a vision therapy appointment for Maria and a midwife appointment for me.
Speaking of midwife appointments, things are progressing well for Peanut. Like my baby ticker over there on the right? It's pretty cool, huh? Except that I'm pretty sure the baby is past the floating around stage anymore. It's definitely been head down for the last two weeks at least, and I'm sure it's too tight in there to float like that anymore! He/she is getting big,,,which of course means *I* am getting big. That hike pictured up there just about did me in! When I came down with the flu, the midwife started hounding me in earnest to switch my diet around. She's really big into this raw foods/vegan stuff. Sure, that's what I want when I'm horribly ill, a big ole plate of salad and nuts! Sorry, but I just can't do that. I could never tell the midwife, but when we were all sick most of what we ate came out of a can our a drive-thru. John does not cook, ever, and *I* sure wasn't cooking anything. Usually though, I eat plenty of fruits and veggies, most of them raw, and I feel like our diet is usually pretty healthy,,,we eat mostly whole foods and I'm slowly switching over to more organic choices as I can find ways to lower my grocery bill in other areas,,,but being pregnant with three kids is just not the time for major lifestyle overhaul...besides, not to tweak any noses, but I've never been convinced that this whole raw foods thing is the healthiest way to go. It's not something I've researched much, I don't have the interest for it, and besides, if I had the discipline to follow such a strict diet I'd be way skinnier!, but I can't begin to see how you can get enough protein that way, especially pregnant women and children.
Ok, well, that's enough rambling commentary for now. The kids have Blue Knights/Little Women groups this afternoon, so I need to get busy getting everyone ready to head out this afternoon.
I had plans to do something yesterday for the Solemnity of St. Joseph, but just couldn't muster it up...sorry St. Joseph. :( We went to Palm Sunday mass last night. John was working today, and since the kids didn't have PSR this morning, we decided to go to mass with John for a change. Jack, however, reminded me why we don't do evening masses anymore. At the beginning of this mass, they have the children process through the church with palm branches. I thought Jack would love to do this. We never found out though, because he didn't even make it through the opening prayer before he started screeching and had to be taken out. He fell asleep on my lap in the Narthex and so I spent mass there, returning long enough to lug his sleeping 40 pounds over my pregnant belly as I lumbered up for communion. I'm not sure what to do about services this week for Holy Thursday and Good Friday. I love to go to these services...but John is working a lot this week, I don't think he's likely to be off, and I dread taking the boys by myself.
As for Easter plans...well, this year is just a season of "doing what you can do" all around. John is working Easter Sunday...such are the hazards of being married to a nurse. My favorite mass of the whole year is the Easter vigil mass. We usually go to the one at Little Portion Hermitage, and it is *lovely*. It's also very late, and very long. Last year, John had to leave with Jack very soon into the mass and so he missed the whole thing. And this year, John wouldn't even be able to come. That, combined with the thoughts of managing Kain long after his Adderall has worn off, has me making other plans. The boys and I will go to one of the Sunday morning masses at our own parish instead and join my parents at the Hermitage afterwards for the Easter egg hunt and Easter dinner. Maria will have a great experience though. My parents are picking her up on Wednesday and she will stay with them until Sunday. This means she will get to go to Holy Week services at the Hermiage, including their Holy Saturday Seder meal...I'm so jealous! I've never been to their Seder and have always wanted to go, but I've always had a young child in tow and it's late and long and not really a fun thing for little kids. Ah well...such things are for another season of life I guess.
Here's some random pictures of the last week or so....
Last week we had a lovely warm day with temperatures around 70 degrees, so we planned another nature walk, this time with some friends. The photos aren't as good, or as plentiful. John was working this time, so I had my hands full trying to keep Jack out of the creek.
This is a picture of Kain's adopted dogwood tree,,,you can't tell here, but there are some leaf buds swelling. Maria missed her tree somehow on the walk...a hazard of hiking with friends along I guess.
Here's Jack engaging in his favorite hiking activity, throwing rocks in the water. He could do this all day. Shortly after this, he waded in up to his ankles when I wasn't watching and spent the rest of the day with wet feet.
And here is a sign of Real Spring...daffodils along the side of the trail starting to bud.
And Jack, pooped out at the end of the day. It was a long one...after the hike, we had a picnic lunch and then headed on to a vision therapy appointment for Maria and a midwife appointment for me.
Speaking of midwife appointments, things are progressing well for Peanut. Like my baby ticker over there on the right? It's pretty cool, huh? Except that I'm pretty sure the baby is past the floating around stage anymore. It's definitely been head down for the last two weeks at least, and I'm sure it's too tight in there to float like that anymore! He/she is getting big,,,which of course means *I* am getting big. That hike pictured up there just about did me in! When I came down with the flu, the midwife started hounding me in earnest to switch my diet around. She's really big into this raw foods/vegan stuff. Sure, that's what I want when I'm horribly ill, a big ole plate of salad and nuts! Sorry, but I just can't do that. I could never tell the midwife, but when we were all sick most of what we ate came out of a can our a drive-thru. John does not cook, ever, and *I* sure wasn't cooking anything. Usually though, I eat plenty of fruits and veggies, most of them raw, and I feel like our diet is usually pretty healthy,,,we eat mostly whole foods and I'm slowly switching over to more organic choices as I can find ways to lower my grocery bill in other areas,,,but being pregnant with three kids is just not the time for major lifestyle overhaul...besides, not to tweak any noses, but I've never been convinced that this whole raw foods thing is the healthiest way to go. It's not something I've researched much, I don't have the interest for it, and besides, if I had the discipline to follow such a strict diet I'd be way skinnier!, but I can't begin to see how you can get enough protein that way, especially pregnant women and children.
Ok, well, that's enough rambling commentary for now. The kids have Blue Knights/Little Women groups this afternoon, so I need to get busy getting everyone ready to head out this afternoon.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Lamentations of the Father
I first read this a long time ago...but it still makes me laugh. :)
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Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.
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But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.
Laws When at Table
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away. When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away.
When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.
Laws Pertaining to Dessert
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.
On Screaming
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.
Concerning Face and Hands
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.
Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.
Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.
Complaints and Lamentations
O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit, and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger. But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?" and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.
Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again, even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year. And yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines, nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind, for surely you cannot know.
For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one. Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.
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Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.
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But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.
Laws When at Table
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away. When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away.
When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.
Laws Pertaining to Dessert
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.
On Screaming
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.
Concerning Face and Hands
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.
Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.
Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.
Complaints and Lamentations
O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit, and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger. But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?" and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.
Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again, even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year. And yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines, nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind, for surely you cannot know.
For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one. Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
A week with the Flu
Cuz, you wanted all the details, right? Sure you did!
Seriously, I've been wanting to post a little weekly "recap" of our schooling and have been trying hard to remember to take enough notes during the week to make that happen...and of course, the week we all get the flu is the week I actually remember.
Sunday, you know, the one before last- We had mass and PSR for the younger kids as usual, and this week they had the yearly "pot painting" at our parish...the kids get to have a pizza lunch and paint a terra cotta pot to take home and fill with flowers for spring. John was off and got to help with the Sunday Shuffle, which was great for me because Jack was a bit of a, um, handful during mass. I don't remember what else we did that day, it was so long ago and my notes are spotty. I know we stayed home as we always try to do on Sunday. Read "People" by Peter Spiers and "Frog and Toad All Year" to the boys, and Maria and I are reading aloud from "The Horse and His Boy", one of the Narnia books.
Monday- We did our usual morning school subjects...Kain did religion, math, poetry (he's almost done with "Windy Nights"), a phonics lesson and page from Explode the Code, read aloud to me from a Little Angels Reader,,,,Maria did religion, math, poetry (she's almost done with "George Washington"), spelling, cursive, grammar, Latin...much of this was on her own, but again, my notes are spotty...need to get better at doing these. She finished reading "Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt", which she said was "boring",,,she says this about all history reading. John was off work and entertained Jack for me. In the afternoon, Kain had an appointment with the psychiatrist, so we didn't get to afternoon school. Read "Dr. Seuss' ABC's" and "Alphabeasts" to the boys, and Maria and I finished "The Horse and His Boy". On to the next one!
Tuesday- Co-op day! I dropped off the big kids and Jack and I made our weekly trip to the library. He's still not interested at all in attending the preschool story time...it all seems a bit beyond him yet. Then we ran a few errands, including grocery shopping and hitting the Dollar Tree to scope out goodies for the bribe boxes. What are bribe boxes you say? Part of their religion lessons is memorizing catechism questions and such. They earn points for this that they can exchange for little goodies from my bribe boxes. Surprisingly motivating. Jack and I took a nice nap together in the afternoon and John picked up the big kids for me.
Wednesday- This is the day when it all turned tragically wrong. John was working, and we did our morning schoolwork. Maria had her vision therapy at 2pm, I had a midwife appointment at 4pm, and then we needed to pick up a quick dinner on the road to get Maria to choir practice and PSR at the church by 6. I brought the boys home until it was time to pick her up at 8. It was during that time that the chills started, the "uh oh, I don't feel so good" thing, and then by bedtime I had a fever...which explained, belatedly, why my pulse was so fast at the midwife's office.
Thursday- John was off and took the kids to our local Poor Man's Chuck E. Cheese for me, allowing me to take a long and lovely nap while they were gone. We actually like this place a lot better than the Real and Actual Chuck E. Cheese, which gives me a migraine. The house was so blessedly quiet. When they returned, Jack fell asleep on the couch, and when he woke up almost two hours later he was also running a fever. By dinnertime, Kain was running one as well. I sent John to stock up on fever meds and soup and all that good stuff, as well as a board game or two for the big kids who were already bored with their freedom of being off schedule. Jack would not take any medicine by mouth *at all* and heaved up what little I managed to get down him. I had John hunt up some Tylenol suppositories, which was a good thing since Jack's temp peaked at 104 that night. At bedtime, we kept him in our bed so that we could keep an eye on him.
Friday and Saturday- lost to me completely. Jack and I both had high fevers and slept most of this time, Jack peaking at an impressive 105.4. We had horrible, bone-shaking chills and drenching sweats when the fever would break temporarily. It was not a good time. Kain never got too bad this time. His temp stayed pretty low and he was happy to have free reign on the computer games. John was scheduled off Thursday and Friday, so that was a blessing. He did a great job of pinch-hitting for me, though he said by Saturday he was "tired"...indeed,,,being me is tiring, hehe. Friday night John did start running a low fever and seemed to have the lesser version of the virus like Kain was having. They had both had flu shots, I imagine that's why.
Sunday- John dropped Maria off at mass because she was supposed to sing and didn't want to miss. She stayed healthy through all of this, how I have no idea. She had no flu shot, never has had one. She also stayed well during the stomach virus we all had a few weeks ago. She should be studied. John called into work, still running a fever and not wanting to spread it around to the elderly people he takes care of. Jack and I kinda sorta turned the corner this day and slowly started getting better, though he was still very cranky and clingy. We came downstairs and read stacks of picture books and watched TV and just hung out. Jack's big activity of the day was to take his first bath in days, which was so sorely needed what with all the dried sweat and Tylenol in his hair. John still had his fever going off and on, though John was awesome about rallying the big kids to help catch up on picking up the house and doing their regular chores.
So that's the week, though now this week is half over as well...we have remained homebound until today because Jack continued to spike fevers and sleep badly at night because his asthma started acting up pretty badly. I even ended up taking him to the doctor on Tuesday just to make sure that he didn't have an ear infection or strep or anything else going on. Tuesday night he finally had his first night with only a low grade temp and slept well. Wednesday night, last night, he slept in his own bed until around midnight when he woke up crying and joined us again...we may have set a pattern here. But he was still without fever and slept well. Tuesday evening I took the big kids out to sign up for Upwards soccer, even though I could barely speak and still can't very well...laryngitis. Today we ventured out to the library, Jack's first post-flu outing, and it was a welcome change of scenery. Other than that, I have spent the day catching up on laundry and all in an effort to take life back full-time tomorrow. The kids have done little school this whole time, other than a few "on your own" assignments I threw at them and a couple of library videos, one on prehistoric life that is related to what we are doing in history and one Magic School Bus on bugs and butterflies. Maria started reading her next history book, Shadowhawk, and pronounced it as "boring". And of course they've been doing their free reading time and have been making lots of "Easter presents" for everyone they know. John went back to work today as well, and I do believe he was glad to go!
Some random pictures....
Traffic jam.
Jack's new obsession is "building roads"...in my dining room.
Sissy snuggling feverish Jack.
Indoor snow...am I not the coolest mom ever? It snowed several inches Tuesday night, and in true fashion for our area all the snow was melted and gone by Wednesday afternoon. Jack noticed, however, and wanted to play in the snow...but he still had a fever. This was our compromise. I kept trying to build a cute little snowman to take a picture of, but Jack kept smashing him before I could finish.
Seriously, I've been wanting to post a little weekly "recap" of our schooling and have been trying hard to remember to take enough notes during the week to make that happen...and of course, the week we all get the flu is the week I actually remember.
Sunday, you know, the one before last- We had mass and PSR for the younger kids as usual, and this week they had the yearly "pot painting" at our parish...the kids get to have a pizza lunch and paint a terra cotta pot to take home and fill with flowers for spring. John was off and got to help with the Sunday Shuffle, which was great for me because Jack was a bit of a, um, handful during mass. I don't remember what else we did that day, it was so long ago and my notes are spotty. I know we stayed home as we always try to do on Sunday. Read "People" by Peter Spiers and "Frog and Toad All Year" to the boys, and Maria and I are reading aloud from "The Horse and His Boy", one of the Narnia books.
Monday- We did our usual morning school subjects...Kain did religion, math, poetry (he's almost done with "Windy Nights"), a phonics lesson and page from Explode the Code, read aloud to me from a Little Angels Reader,,,,Maria did religion, math, poetry (she's almost done with "George Washington"), spelling, cursive, grammar, Latin...much of this was on her own, but again, my notes are spotty...need to get better at doing these. She finished reading "Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt", which she said was "boring",,,she says this about all history reading. John was off work and entertained Jack for me. In the afternoon, Kain had an appointment with the psychiatrist, so we didn't get to afternoon school. Read "Dr. Seuss' ABC's" and "Alphabeasts" to the boys, and Maria and I finished "The Horse and His Boy". On to the next one!
Tuesday- Co-op day! I dropped off the big kids and Jack and I made our weekly trip to the library. He's still not interested at all in attending the preschool story time...it all seems a bit beyond him yet. Then we ran a few errands, including grocery shopping and hitting the Dollar Tree to scope out goodies for the bribe boxes. What are bribe boxes you say? Part of their religion lessons is memorizing catechism questions and such. They earn points for this that they can exchange for little goodies from my bribe boxes. Surprisingly motivating. Jack and I took a nice nap together in the afternoon and John picked up the big kids for me.
Wednesday- This is the day when it all turned tragically wrong. John was working, and we did our morning schoolwork. Maria had her vision therapy at 2pm, I had a midwife appointment at 4pm, and then we needed to pick up a quick dinner on the road to get Maria to choir practice and PSR at the church by 6. I brought the boys home until it was time to pick her up at 8. It was during that time that the chills started, the "uh oh, I don't feel so good" thing, and then by bedtime I had a fever...which explained, belatedly, why my pulse was so fast at the midwife's office.
Thursday- John was off and took the kids to our local Poor Man's Chuck E. Cheese for me, allowing me to take a long and lovely nap while they were gone. We actually like this place a lot better than the Real and Actual Chuck E. Cheese, which gives me a migraine. The house was so blessedly quiet. When they returned, Jack fell asleep on the couch, and when he woke up almost two hours later he was also running a fever. By dinnertime, Kain was running one as well. I sent John to stock up on fever meds and soup and all that good stuff, as well as a board game or two for the big kids who were already bored with their freedom of being off schedule. Jack would not take any medicine by mouth *at all* and heaved up what little I managed to get down him. I had John hunt up some Tylenol suppositories, which was a good thing since Jack's temp peaked at 104 that night. At bedtime, we kept him in our bed so that we could keep an eye on him.
Friday and Saturday- lost to me completely. Jack and I both had high fevers and slept most of this time, Jack peaking at an impressive 105.4. We had horrible, bone-shaking chills and drenching sweats when the fever would break temporarily. It was not a good time. Kain never got too bad this time. His temp stayed pretty low and he was happy to have free reign on the computer games. John was scheduled off Thursday and Friday, so that was a blessing. He did a great job of pinch-hitting for me, though he said by Saturday he was "tired"...indeed,,,being me is tiring, hehe. Friday night John did start running a low fever and seemed to have the lesser version of the virus like Kain was having. They had both had flu shots, I imagine that's why.
Sunday- John dropped Maria off at mass because she was supposed to sing and didn't want to miss. She stayed healthy through all of this, how I have no idea. She had no flu shot, never has had one. She also stayed well during the stomach virus we all had a few weeks ago. She should be studied. John called into work, still running a fever and not wanting to spread it around to the elderly people he takes care of. Jack and I kinda sorta turned the corner this day and slowly started getting better, though he was still very cranky and clingy. We came downstairs and read stacks of picture books and watched TV and just hung out. Jack's big activity of the day was to take his first bath in days, which was so sorely needed what with all the dried sweat and Tylenol in his hair. John still had his fever going off and on, though John was awesome about rallying the big kids to help catch up on picking up the house and doing their regular chores.
So that's the week, though now this week is half over as well...we have remained homebound until today because Jack continued to spike fevers and sleep badly at night because his asthma started acting up pretty badly. I even ended up taking him to the doctor on Tuesday just to make sure that he didn't have an ear infection or strep or anything else going on. Tuesday night he finally had his first night with only a low grade temp and slept well. Wednesday night, last night, he slept in his own bed until around midnight when he woke up crying and joined us again...we may have set a pattern here. But he was still without fever and slept well. Tuesday evening I took the big kids out to sign up for Upwards soccer, even though I could barely speak and still can't very well...laryngitis. Today we ventured out to the library, Jack's first post-flu outing, and it was a welcome change of scenery. Other than that, I have spent the day catching up on laundry and all in an effort to take life back full-time tomorrow. The kids have done little school this whole time, other than a few "on your own" assignments I threw at them and a couple of library videos, one on prehistoric life that is related to what we are doing in history and one Magic School Bus on bugs and butterflies. Maria started reading her next history book, Shadowhawk, and pronounced it as "boring". And of course they've been doing their free reading time and have been making lots of "Easter presents" for everyone they know. John went back to work today as well, and I do believe he was glad to go!
Some random pictures....
Traffic jam.
Jack's new obsession is "building roads"...in my dining room.
Sissy snuggling feverish Jack.
Indoor snow...am I not the coolest mom ever? It snowed several inches Tuesday night, and in true fashion for our area all the snow was melted and gone by Wednesday afternoon. Jack noticed, however, and wanted to play in the snow...but he still had a fever. This was our compromise. I kept trying to build a cute little snowman to take a picture of, but Jack kept smashing him before I could finish.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
poking my head above water....
We've had the flu here, though we seem to be on the tail end of it. In some ways, it's harder now than when we were all good and sick...Jack and I were the worst off and pretty much spent the last three days in bed together. We are downstairs and functioning today, and Jack's temperature is down from a whopping 105 to a much more sane 101, but he's at that awkward post-illness stage of being well enough to be bored and restless and yet still ill enough to feel yucky and tired. It's a bad combo. Anyway, update on our past week coming...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
political humor...sort of
This Obama website made us laugh until it hurt. Slowbama was our favorite,,,,wait for it!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Wow...harsh!
Overheard today, Kain promising Maria something...
Kain- I won't do it again, I pinky swear!
Maria- Do you even know what pinky swear means?
Kain- Yes! It means if you do break your promise, you have to cut off your own pinky finger.
Kain- I won't do it again, I pinky swear!
Maria- Do you even know what pinky swear means?
Kain- Yes! It means if you do break your promise, you have to cut off your own pinky finger.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
From Kain, to Maria
Last night, Kain drew the slip of paper from the Lent sacrifice jar that directed him to write a letter to Maria telling her five things he liked about her. Here's what he dictated to me, all his own words....I just thought it was cute.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maria,
I love you because you let me hold the guinea pigs sometimes. And I love you because you play with me sometimes. And I love you becaues we play house with the guinea pigs. I love you because we both play with Jack sometimes.
(At this point he stalled out of ideas. I suggested he think of something he liked about Maria as a person instead of just things that she does for him.)
I like you because you are calm and never get in trouble, and I hope you teach me to be like that someday.
Love,
Kain
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maria,
I love you because you let me hold the guinea pigs sometimes. And I love you because you play with me sometimes. And I love you becaues we play house with the guinea pigs. I love you because we both play with Jack sometimes.
(At this point he stalled out of ideas. I suggested he think of something he liked about Maria as a person instead of just things that she does for him.)
I like you because you are calm and never get in trouble, and I hope you teach me to be like that someday.
Love,
Kain
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day was the first glitch in my homeschooling armor. We started homeschooling over Christmas break 5 years ago. Maria's former first grade teacher was actually the one who brought it up that December on her last day of school. She invited us to come back for Valentine's Day so Maria could exchange valentines with the other kids. It was very nice of her to offer, but I knew we wouldn't take her up on it. It would have been very awkward to show up back at the school after being gone for a couple of months...especially since the principal was being rather ugly about the whole homeschooling thing. I did wonder what we would do about Valentine's Day though. Every Valentine's Day I can remember as a child was about the big valentine exchange at school. What did homeschoolers do?
Silly me. Two months later, we had become involved in two homeschooling groups, and we attended a party and exchanged valentines with our new friends. Now it's 5 years later, and we've attended a party every year. But even if we didn't, it wouldn't be that big of a deal now. Our traditions are redefined. When Maria was in school, and when I was in school, so many of our memories and traditions revolved around school activities. There's nothing wrong with that. The same can be said about our church activities. They are parts of the community, parts of our socialization. But when we removed ourselves from the schools, we formed our own traditions, like heart shaped pancake breakfasts, making valentines to send to grandparents, and a read aloud about St. Valentine. We still attend a party, we still exchange valentines with friends, but this is just a part of our celebration. If we couldn't attend the party (which almost happened this year with all the sickness going around), the kids would be disappointed, but we would still celebrate and still have fun.
There was a snarky comment on a long ago post from Danielle Bean's blog, I think it was during Advent,,,something to the effect that too many Catholic homeschoolers spend too much time and energy making liturgical year plans and how artificial and weird this was. I took this comment seriously at the time. I do tend to overdo things. Just ask anyone. Was this becoming forced and weird? I don't think so. First of all, "real schools" have lots of little traditions every year too...picnics and literacy nights and pajama days and all those fun little things that break up the school year and give the kids something to look forward to. This is our school and it's a Catholic one, so it is valid to use the liturgical season in this way. Second, celebrating the liturgical year has a place in every Catholic home. If my kids were in school all day, we would still do some of these activities, but it would be far less than we do now. Third, this is part of our school day. We often take the afternoon off from our regular schoolwork to do seasonal activites. These activities ebb and flow in our own homeschool too. This year we have done much more than most previous years. But there have been months even in this year in which we have done very little for quite a while. We did lots of activities during Advent and Christmas, for example, but we haven't really celebrated anything else since then. I tend to focus on the major seasons...Advent/Christmas and Lent/Easter, and fill in with other feast days as we have time and I have energy. This coming year, with a new baby, I know things will be simplified quite a bit.
Anyway, cootie update...Jack fell sick last night with diarrhea and a 103 degree fever, then vomiting this morning. I have felt pretty badly all day. No gastro symptoms, just falling over tired all day long. Maria is the last one standing.
Silly me. Two months later, we had become involved in two homeschooling groups, and we attended a party and exchanged valentines with our new friends. Now it's 5 years later, and we've attended a party every year. But even if we didn't, it wouldn't be that big of a deal now. Our traditions are redefined. When Maria was in school, and when I was in school, so many of our memories and traditions revolved around school activities. There's nothing wrong with that. The same can be said about our church activities. They are parts of the community, parts of our socialization. But when we removed ourselves from the schools, we formed our own traditions, like heart shaped pancake breakfasts, making valentines to send to grandparents, and a read aloud about St. Valentine. We still attend a party, we still exchange valentines with friends, but this is just a part of our celebration. If we couldn't attend the party (which almost happened this year with all the sickness going around), the kids would be disappointed, but we would still celebrate and still have fun.
There was a snarky comment on a long ago post from Danielle Bean's blog, I think it was during Advent,,,something to the effect that too many Catholic homeschoolers spend too much time and energy making liturgical year plans and how artificial and weird this was. I took this comment seriously at the time. I do tend to overdo things. Just ask anyone. Was this becoming forced and weird? I don't think so. First of all, "real schools" have lots of little traditions every year too...picnics and literacy nights and pajama days and all those fun little things that break up the school year and give the kids something to look forward to. This is our school and it's a Catholic one, so it is valid to use the liturgical season in this way. Second, celebrating the liturgical year has a place in every Catholic home. If my kids were in school all day, we would still do some of these activities, but it would be far less than we do now. Third, this is part of our school day. We often take the afternoon off from our regular schoolwork to do seasonal activites. These activities ebb and flow in our own homeschool too. This year we have done much more than most previous years. But there have been months even in this year in which we have done very little for quite a while. We did lots of activities during Advent and Christmas, for example, but we haven't really celebrated anything else since then. I tend to focus on the major seasons...Advent/Christmas and Lent/Easter, and fill in with other feast days as we have time and I have energy. This coming year, with a new baby, I know things will be simplified quite a bit.
Anyway, cootie update...Jack fell sick last night with diarrhea and a 103 degree fever, then vomiting this morning. I have felt pretty badly all day. No gastro symptoms, just falling over tired all day long. Maria is the last one standing.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
We're hit! We're hit!
Sunday night, John came home very late from work and said that everyone in the hospital has had this stomach virus that's going around. Everyone except him. Monday morning that was rectified. He spent most of Monday in bed running a fever, when he wasn't in the bathroom of course.
Tuesday, he already felt much better. Everyone else seemed fine, and so although this stuff seems very contagious I had hopes that we were done. Tuesday evening though, Kain started complaining of a mild stomach ache right before dinner. He still wanted to eat though and said he felt better afterwards. By bedtime, he had changed his mind, and soon after going to bed, the vomiting started. The fun part was that, for some unknown reason, Kain refuses to throw up into a bowl. He would simply roll over and puke off the side of the bed. After the third episode of this, John and I brought him upstairs with us so at least Jack could sleep. It was a rough night. He continued to throw up regularly, sleeping very fitfully in between episodes, moaning and writhing in his sleep. Each time we would wake up and push the bowl at him, but he still wouldn't use it and still puked on the floor. WHY??? Well, we don't know, and neither does he apparently, he just would NOT use the bowl, even though I was telling him we were just about out of clean bedding and towels and he would soon be sleeping in the bathtub. Kain still just doesn't seem to "get" certain things a child his age should understand, and this was one of them. Luckily, around 2am he finally emptied himself of spaghetti and moved on to mere dry heaving for the rest of the night. He was crying and begging me for water, but I wouldn't let him have any....mean Nurse Aunt Mel. At some point in the early morning hours, it must have been around 4 or 5am, he finally fell asleep for a while. This morning, he woke up saying he felt better and begged for water. Much to his irritation, I would only let him have a few sips at a time for the first couple of hours. I told him it was a consequence for refusing to use the bowl. If I was going to have to scrub whatever came up out of the couch, then we were moving slowly. At lunchtime, he wanted a hot dog. He got jello and apple juice instead. We've had no more vomiting though, just a bit of diarrhea, and he's starving, which is a good sign. Now he's taking a forced nap, but I told him he could try some actual food when he wakes up.
Now we are taking dibs on who's next to fall. I've felt a bit queasy, but I have felt that way off and on all month, so it's hard to tell if I'm coming down with the bug or just being my pregnant self. Or, maybe it's from rinsing and washing yucky towels, rags, sheets, blankets, and pillows all morning and scrubbing vomit out off the side of the mattress and baseboards that we missed last night in the dim lighting. Hard to tell.
Tuesday, he already felt much better. Everyone else seemed fine, and so although this stuff seems very contagious I had hopes that we were done. Tuesday evening though, Kain started complaining of a mild stomach ache right before dinner. He still wanted to eat though and said he felt better afterwards. By bedtime, he had changed his mind, and soon after going to bed, the vomiting started. The fun part was that, for some unknown reason, Kain refuses to throw up into a bowl. He would simply roll over and puke off the side of the bed. After the third episode of this, John and I brought him upstairs with us so at least Jack could sleep. It was a rough night. He continued to throw up regularly, sleeping very fitfully in between episodes, moaning and writhing in his sleep. Each time we would wake up and push the bowl at him, but he still wouldn't use it and still puked on the floor. WHY??? Well, we don't know, and neither does he apparently, he just would NOT use the bowl, even though I was telling him we were just about out of clean bedding and towels and he would soon be sleeping in the bathtub. Kain still just doesn't seem to "get" certain things a child his age should understand, and this was one of them. Luckily, around 2am he finally emptied himself of spaghetti and moved on to mere dry heaving for the rest of the night. He was crying and begging me for water, but I wouldn't let him have any....mean Nurse Aunt Mel. At some point in the early morning hours, it must have been around 4 or 5am, he finally fell asleep for a while. This morning, he woke up saying he felt better and begged for water. Much to his irritation, I would only let him have a few sips at a time for the first couple of hours. I told him it was a consequence for refusing to use the bowl. If I was going to have to scrub whatever came up out of the couch, then we were moving slowly. At lunchtime, he wanted a hot dog. He got jello and apple juice instead. We've had no more vomiting though, just a bit of diarrhea, and he's starving, which is a good sign. Now he's taking a forced nap, but I told him he could try some actual food when he wakes up.
Now we are taking dibs on who's next to fall. I've felt a bit queasy, but I have felt that way off and on all month, so it's hard to tell if I'm coming down with the bug or just being my pregnant self. Or, maybe it's from rinsing and washing yucky towels, rags, sheets, blankets, and pillows all morning and scrubbing vomit out off the side of the mattress and baseboards that we missed last night in the dim lighting. Hard to tell.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Ash Wednesday
Well, I managed to pull Lent together after all....even though it really snuck up on me this year. Today we made our usual crown of thorns, as pictured above. It's a bit on the small side this year though. Instead of making the batch of salt dough, I decided to try some bread dough. I'd read about doing it this way, and since I'd procrastinated doing the salt dough until it was too late for the crown to dry, I gave it a shot. It turned out fine, but the batch was too small! It looks a bit like a porcupine up there.
We are trying something different this year though. I made a sacrifice jar for each of the big kids. There are slips of paper in each, one for each day of Lent. Each night they will pick their sacrifice for the following day. If they do their sacrifice, they will get to pull a thorn out of the crown. Here's the list I came up with. Excuse the doubled numbers...some were not appropriate for both kids and had to be tweaked a little.
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1. Spend 20 minutes playing with Jack, doing whatever he wants to do.
2. Say 3 Our Father’s during reading and rest time for an end to abortion.
3. Say 3 Hail Mary’s and 3 Glory Be’s during reading and rest time for Father Mike.
4. Give up TV for today…without complaining.
5. Give up TV and computer games for today…without complaining.
6. Give up computer for today…without complaining.
7. Do your chores extra well and without having to be asked more than once.
8. Do your school work very neatly and with your best effort.
9. Find Aunt Mel or Uncle John when they are working and ask if you can help.
9. Find Mom or Dad when they are working and ask if you can help.
10. Pick some toys you don’t use anymore and clean them up nicely to donate to Helping Hands.
11. Find a mess someone else has left out and clean it up for them. See if you can do it secretly and tell no one what you did.
12. Donate some money for the food drive. If you don’t have any money, ask for a couple of extra chores you can do today to earn some. Then ask to go to the store to buy the food yourself.
13. Practice right away obedience today.
14. Put others first today. Let someone else pick what to watch, what to play, where to sit in the car, etc.
15. Make a card and mail it to Grandmom.
16. Say 5 Our Fathers while mediating on a crucifix and Jesus’ 5 wounds. Offer your prayers for the conversion of sinners.
17. Look for a chore that needs to be done…maybe the recycling needs to be taken out, or the entertainment center needs a good dusting, or the car has some things in it that need to be taken in, or whatever you can see that needs to be done. Do it secretly.
18. Take a walk outside and pick up a walmart sack of trash.
19. Give up seconds on something you really like to eat today. Offer it up for children in the world that will go to bed hungry tonight.
20. Only drink water between meals today.
21. Can you go a whole day without saying any unkind words and without an unkind tone to your voice? Try it and see how hard it is!
22. Can you go a whole day without yelling at anyone?
23. Be a servant today. Be the first one to volunteer to help out when help is needed. Look for small ways that you can be helpful to others.
24. Do a chore of Kain’s today.
24. Do a chore of Maria’s today.
25. Say a decade of the rosary for those that will be baptized as new Catholics at the Easter Vigil mass.
26. Say a decade for the intentions of Pope Benedict.
27. Make a small food sacrifice today, like eating toast without jelly, your eggs without salt, or your veggies without ranch dressing. Offer it for the holy souls in purgatory waiting to get into Heaven.
28. Write 5 things you like about Kain. Leave it on his pillow for him to find.
28. Have someone help you write 5 things you like about Maria. Leave it on her pillow for her to find.
29. Write 5 things you are thankful for and share them with everyone at dinner tonight.
30. Pick a saint story and read it.
30. Pick a saint story and have someone read it to you.
31. Read from the Bible for 15 minutes.
31. Pick a Bible story and have someone read it to you today.
32. Let Kain play with something of yours that he really likes but you don’t usually let him play with.
32. Let Jack play with something of yours that he really likes but you don’t usually let him play with.
33. Play with Kain today, and let him pick what to do.
33. Read a book to Jack today. Let him pick the book.
34. Ask Mom to pick a day to put on the calendar to take you to adoration, just the two of you.
35. Be the electricity police today. Keep close watch around the house for lights and other electricity not being used and turn it off. If you do a good job, Mom will put $3 saved in the poor jar.
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I'm still 5 ideas short...any contributions appreciated!
Also, there's a new altar decoration I shamelessly stole from Dawn, who is always a font of great ideas. If you look again at the picture above, you'll see a small bowl of dirt on the left. It's mixed with ashes from last year's palm branches. There's a small votive in the middle of the bowl. Most days the bowl will stay unlit during prayer time, except on Sundays, a mini "feast" in the middle of Lent, when we will light the candle. On Palm Sunday, we will plant some grass seed in the dirt and start watering it, hoping for a bowl of greenery on Easter Sunday in which to set our Easter candle.
Other Lent plans include adding the Chaplet of Divine Mercy to our day, along with the scripture readings our parish provided, and the usual giving up of desserts and such. We will also try to start making it again to our parish's daily mass It's only available on Thursdays, surely we can do that much! Uh oh...tomorrow's Thursday...see, I almost forgot already!
I'm pleased with our plans. They have only jelled together in the last couple of days. We have mix of familiar traditions and some new things to try. Prayers for everyone for a fruitful Lenten season!
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Something to stew on....
....as we go into Lent. This is part of a post from Starry Sky Ranch. The rest of it is worth reading if you can spare a few minutes.
"My point is you have to be a good steward of your time. The more kids you have, the more health issues you have, the less wiggle room you have. I live by a few slogans. One is that there is always enough time to do God's will. There is rarely enough time to also do your own agenda. I have found God to be economical. He always provides for our needs. Not always so with our 'druthers. When pressed for time and or when energy is depleting I have had to step back and ask again, what of this is God's will and what is my own? Clearly SOMEthing is my agenda because while God does not promise to make me supermom He does promise me I can carry my yoke with His help. That does not mean I can carry ANY yoke I choose, only the one He has designed for me. This is where I run into trouble."
This quote speaks to a point I have slowly been reaching over the years as our family has grown. I started homeschooling with one child, and we kept very busy. There is a staggering number of activities available for homeschoolers in this area. You could literally go somewhere and do something wonderful every day of the week.
The activities aren't less wonderful now than they were then. I just have less time to do the things that are more important. The hard thing for me has been to distinguish what is more important. More important is often less fun. Instead of joining every group and class and field trip, I have to forgo some of these to make sure there is time to keep up with math, keep up with laundry, and keep up with the clutter. I need to make sure I'm home at least most days for Jack's naptime and to put a decent meal on the table for dinner. This has been a matter of self-discipline for me...and it continues to be. I guess we all have our issues. Many say they struggle with spending too much time on the computer. I have had days where I have been caught up in that more than I should be, usually in an effort to procrastinate backed-up housework, but generally it's not been a huge problem for me. I have a limited tolerance for sitting at the computer anyway,,,it just starts to make my head spin after a while. I do have my own weaknesses though...and the draw of those outside of the house activities is a big one. With the addition of a third child, I have finally reached a point where running myself ragged to do too many activities is officially not worth it anymore, even to me. It is now truly so much more work to try to play catch up when everything falls apart around here that I am far less tempted to leave home to begin with. Now I am faced with having a newborn in 3 months time, and I know I will be more and more drawn toward home, and wondering how I will balance this with what the older children need.
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Here's another gem from the above blog...
"Best advice there - ALWAYS get up before the children. Whatever else happens do not wait until you hear Cheerios hitting bowls or Barney on the tv. The day is already in trouble at that point."
This is very true in our house. I used to be really good about getting up early. It wasn't difficult, really, I tend to do better in the mornings anyway and I'm pretty beat by 9 o'clock or so at night. But during the first trimester with this pregnancy, I started sleeping later, comparatively, waking up whenever the first child woke up, usually around 7:30 instead of my previous 6am. Then when my energy picked up again, I started staying up later and still sleeping later. It's tempting because the peace and quiet are so welcome after everyone is in bed, and when John is off of work he tends to stay up late too. But it's not been a good thing. When I was getting up early, I would make some coffee and get online, answer emails and read blogs, just have a nice quiet start to the day,,,then I would be ready at 7 to wake up kids and jump on the day. The morning moves smoothly and everyone gets the things done they need to get done with minimal complaining. When I wake up when they wake up, it is so much harder to get the day started on the right foot. By the time I am ready to start our day, they are sitting in front of the television and I get attitude problems all morning. I'm going to work on correcting that this week.
"My point is you have to be a good steward of your time. The more kids you have, the more health issues you have, the less wiggle room you have. I live by a few slogans. One is that there is always enough time to do God's will. There is rarely enough time to also do your own agenda. I have found God to be economical. He always provides for our needs. Not always so with our 'druthers. When pressed for time and or when energy is depleting I have had to step back and ask again, what of this is God's will and what is my own? Clearly SOMEthing is my agenda because while God does not promise to make me supermom He does promise me I can carry my yoke with His help. That does not mean I can carry ANY yoke I choose, only the one He has designed for me. This is where I run into trouble."
This quote speaks to a point I have slowly been reaching over the years as our family has grown. I started homeschooling with one child, and we kept very busy. There is a staggering number of activities available for homeschoolers in this area. You could literally go somewhere and do something wonderful every day of the week.
The activities aren't less wonderful now than they were then. I just have less time to do the things that are more important. The hard thing for me has been to distinguish what is more important. More important is often less fun. Instead of joining every group and class and field trip, I have to forgo some of these to make sure there is time to keep up with math, keep up with laundry, and keep up with the clutter. I need to make sure I'm home at least most days for Jack's naptime and to put a decent meal on the table for dinner. This has been a matter of self-discipline for me...and it continues to be. I guess we all have our issues. Many say they struggle with spending too much time on the computer. I have had days where I have been caught up in that more than I should be, usually in an effort to procrastinate backed-up housework, but generally it's not been a huge problem for me. I have a limited tolerance for sitting at the computer anyway,,,it just starts to make my head spin after a while. I do have my own weaknesses though...and the draw of those outside of the house activities is a big one. With the addition of a third child, I have finally reached a point where running myself ragged to do too many activities is officially not worth it anymore, even to me. It is now truly so much more work to try to play catch up when everything falls apart around here that I am far less tempted to leave home to begin with. Now I am faced with having a newborn in 3 months time, and I know I will be more and more drawn toward home, and wondering how I will balance this with what the older children need.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's another gem from the above blog...
"Best advice there - ALWAYS get up before the children. Whatever else happens do not wait until you hear Cheerios hitting bowls or Barney on the tv. The day is already in trouble at that point."
This is very true in our house. I used to be really good about getting up early. It wasn't difficult, really, I tend to do better in the mornings anyway and I'm pretty beat by 9 o'clock or so at night. But during the first trimester with this pregnancy, I started sleeping later, comparatively, waking up whenever the first child woke up, usually around 7:30 instead of my previous 6am. Then when my energy picked up again, I started staying up later and still sleeping later. It's tempting because the peace and quiet are so welcome after everyone is in bed, and when John is off of work he tends to stay up late too. But it's not been a good thing. When I was getting up early, I would make some coffee and get online, answer emails and read blogs, just have a nice quiet start to the day,,,then I would be ready at 7 to wake up kids and jump on the day. The morning moves smoothly and everyone gets the things done they need to get done with minimal complaining. When I wake up when they wake up, it is so much harder to get the day started on the right foot. By the time I am ready to start our day, they are sitting in front of the television and I get attitude problems all morning. I'm going to work on correcting that this week.
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