For those that are kind enough to wonder....
We are actually making some progress behavior-wise. Some things that have helped...
--I have had luck with discussing his behavior with him. The key is not to do this when he is enraged about something (which is often). He will not hear you and you will only make it worse. I talk to him at bedtime, discussing what it means to be obedient, what it means to speak kindly to people, etc., and giving specific praise (Remember when I told you it was time to turn off the computer and come take a bath and you did it right away without complaining?). He seems to really eat up this positive reinforcement.
--He needs *so much* physical affection. He's like a puppy. Seriously, you can almost see his tail wag. It's difficult to give him affection some days. He is not always a very likeable kid. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much. This is just honesty here. If you think all kids are inherently likeable, you need to get out more. :) I think he has the *potential* to be more likeable, but his social skills are terrible, and it is very clear that, while he has been abused, he has also had a serious lack of limits and real (constructive) discipline. But the physical affection is what helps him really bond with us it seems, and then he *wants* to do what we ask more often. And it helps us bond with him too. :)
--Catch him early. One of our frequent bedtime talks is to keep control of his temper and his voice. When he gets angry, he quickly loses it altogether. And he is *loud*. Really, really loud. We have discussed this enough that I can frequently catch him as he is starting to get worked up and remind him, "control your voice". And he will! You know, sometimes.... :)
All in all, we are seeing small improvements. We are working on getting him into a place nearby that does lots of testing/therapy for kids with all kinds of problems. We are also in the progress of getting his lung condition evaluated/treated. Slowly sorting it all out....
3 comments:
Hi! I've been following your blog through the MODG loop, and I wanted to tell you how wonderful what you are doing for your nephew is! God will bless you for all your hard work and all the love you're showing him!
I wanted to mention a resource for you to check out...Kain sounds like he would really benefit from some diet modifications for ADHD and other behavioral problems...feingold.org. We've used this program for almost 4 years now, for son and hubby, and it has worked miracles for us in the behavior/learning depts. It's a great program, and isn't as hard as it looks...you'll mostly be changing brands of the foods your buy, and eliminating some particular fruits and veggies. 100% compliance will yeild great results in most kids. Anyway, it's worth a look for you, so I thought I'd mention it. If you have any questions, or need support or anything, I'm happy to help you out personally! Take care! Love reading your blog! :)
Michelle Halpin in CA
Thanks Michelle...is there a book I can pick up to read more about the program specifics? I see on the website how to order a kit, but wondered if there was a less expensive way to preview it.
True, I wouldn't order the program unless you were ready to commit to it 100%. IT doesn't work unless you do it all the way...i.e. an 80% compliance won't yield an 80% improvement. I might start with the "bluebook" or "Behavior, Learning and Health", which you can read 50 pages of online before buying. It's a very good overview or the effects that additive and salicylates can have on kids like my Jack or your Kain. http://www.feingold.org/blue-pg.html
There's a symptoms checklist that could be helpful, too. HTH! :)
Michelle
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