Monday, January 25, 2010

a "trying to avoid burn out" daybook

Outside my window...dark and cold. It's still early.

I am hearing...sounds of Kain puttering. He's getting ready to go to day treatment. Everyone else is still asleep.

I am thinking...I'm feeling rather burned out right now. I can't seem to get anything done that I need to get done and I feel like I'm spinning in circles all day. John has been working a lot in an effort to prepay baby-related expenses and I can't get time to catch up on things around here. I'm starting to feel this "the baby is coming home in 10 weeks and I'm running out of time!" thing. I have three areas of the house I really need to (set on fire) clean and organize and I just can't get in there to do them. I also really, really, really want to repaint the living room before he comes. I've been wanting to do this *forever* and if we don't get it done before having another baby who knows when it will happen? Also. We are out of coffee this morning. Unacceptable crisis.

I am thankful for...not much. Isn't that terrible? Of course, I'm thankful for all kinds of things. I just am too sleepy and irritated to think of anything right this second. How about teenage daughters that will watch little kids while John and I go grocery shopping and have lunch together today? My first stop...for coffee.

I am wearing...pajamas and a bathrobe.

We are currently reading... Kain and I just finished On the Banks of Plum Creek. We should start Farmer Boy, but I don't own that one and didn't think to pick it up at the library yet. So, we will probably start Little Town on the Prairie tonight. Jack and I are reading a book of Peter Rabbit stores. I'm planning on getting the DVD on netflix when we're done. Tess and I are reading,,,oh, all kinds of things we have on our own shelves. She loves Eric Carle just like Jack did at this age.

I am praying...for coffee. No, I'm being silly. I'm praying for my mom. She's having a hard time right now.

Latest on the babies...Tess is a stasher. She has little hidey holes that she will stash all kinds of things in. One of her favorites right now is a cabinet in the entertainment center. It has a childproof latch on it, but she can open it just enough to slip all manner of tiny things inside it. Also, she is a dancing queen. All you have to do is hum a tune and she will start shaking it. Little honey five is 30 weeks along this week and doing just fine. I had a midwife visit last Friday and my hemoglobin was back up, yay!

I'm also thinking a lot about Jack. I helped out in his PSR preschool class yesterday, and it gave me the chance to see him in a structured setting with other kids for the first time since this past summer. Things haven't changed much. He's not a behavior problem or anything, but he's not really engaged either. I noticed four particular, they went around the room asking kids to finish the sentence "At church I like to...." Jack couldn't give an answer. He can't answer questions like that. He would just say, "How about..." over and over, which is his way of answering a question that he doesn't know how to answer. Second, his motor skills are terrible, which we already knew. Many of the boys had pretty poor motor skills. But his were worse. Third, they sat in a circle and did a song with hand rhymes, and he was completely unengaged. I wasn't surprised. I've tried often to do things like this with him, and he just doesn't "get it". He doesn't sing (I don't believe I've ever really heard him sing), and he doesn't participate at all. Fourth, his communication issues can cause all kinds of problems. At one point, they told the kids to come back to their chairs. When Jack went back to his chair, another girl had sat down in his chair and had no intention of moving. Jack just backed up and stood there with tears in his eyes and panic on his face. It was obvious he had no idea what to do when he couldn't do what he was supposed to and he was falling apart fast. I saw what had happened and hustled him into another chair, but I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been there? We still wait (and wait and wait) for an evaluation appointment for him.

From the kitchen...planning some special days this week. Maria's baptism day is Tuesday and Kain's name day is Thursday, so they get to pick dinner and a dessert on those days. Maria picked meatloaf, couscous, artichokes, and key lime pie. What a combo, huh? Kain picked spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, and "chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and coconut on top". He loves coconut. I hated it as a kid, I always thought it tasted like pieces of dead skin.

Around the house...don't ask. just don't.

In the learning room...reading, writing, math, whatever, blah, blah, blah. Look people, I'm just limping along at this point, trying to get as much of the syllabus done as I can before the baby comes. I'm not planning much for Jack and Tess right now except TRYING to get my school closet cleaned out and some workbox/Montessori type lessons set up. That will be my big Before Baby Comes accomplishment in that department. Once we are all back to a post-baby normal, I have fun plans for those two though.

In the one small outdoor accomplishment was to get out and clean up the little flower beds out front around our little dogwood trees. I found bulbs coming up already! Crocuses, and probably daffodils too. I'm a little worried about the daffodils. It's not unusual for us to see some pretty nasty weather in February.

Plans for the rest of the is BUSY. Shopping and lunch with John, therapy for Kain, dance class for Maria. The rest of the week should be pretty sane..PSR on Wednesday, therapy for Kain on Thursday. Friday we are traveling to Maria's feis (Irish dance competition) in Branson, MO. Kain's birthday is next week, so we are combining it with a stay here!


Mary @ tinyprayers said...

Oh, the countdown to the baby, I know the stress of that. With my last pregnancy, I had debilitating nausea up to the day of delivery. I remember the constant agonizing of "this baby will be here in 8 weeks, and I can't even mop the floor" and "if we don't paint this bathroom/kitchen now, it will never get done". The baby had his first birthday two weeks ago, and the kitchen and bathroom have still not been painted. Oh well.

Charlotte said...

Don't dwell too much on the things Jack isn't doing. I know it's hard. Try to think back and see his progress. Always do that. Of course you need that eval and a plan but don't let those things you see bother you too much. They are there to be worked on and overcome, not dwelt on. Easier said than done. I too, have my set of "issues" I worry about with my boy as you know.

Terimisu said...

Hey we would like to come see Maria dance. Let us know when and where...we would LOVE to see you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mel said...

Hey Teri!
It's at the Branson Convention Center. Give me a call if you'd like to come, that'd be fun! If the weather holds's looking ugly, I'm afraid the thing may be cancelled!

Thanks Charlotte, good advice...and guess what, we got his appointment phone call today! Woohoo! He has one scheduled next month!

Mary, I'm sorry you never got the bathroom and kitchen done! lol...I don't have the nausea, I feel pretty good right now actually. Now if someone would just come and drag these kids out of here for a weekend...hehe.

Lisa said...

Melanie, hang in there! At such a young age, a occupational therapist and a speech therapist will work wonders for your son. I wouldn't worry so much for a "diagnosis" at this age. You don't want a label. I would just get each area of challenge addressed and I know with all of your love and encouragement and some intervention, you will see a wondrous improvement. We have with my 2 sons who I have always had some concerns about. Lots of love to you!!!!

mel said...

Thanks Lisa, :)
Well, for us in this case, the best therapies will come only with a diagnosis. Our school system has grown too big too fast and they don't have enough therapists. From what I've been told, we can get the same therapy that the public school children get, but that it's not really enough. The therapists are just stretched too thin. Our private insurance covers very few therapy sessions. Once he is diagnosed with any kind of special needs, he will qualify for a certain kind of state insurance that will cover more therapy for him. That's why everything is kind of on hold until we do this.