Saturday, July 12, 2008

Don't hate me, but....

I have a baby that sleeps. I mean, really, really sleeps. Last night she fell asleep around 10pm. She's *still* asleep. She slept ALL NIGHT. I had to wake her up at 5am because *I* couldn't stand it anymore...I woke up with rock hard breasts and milk leaking everywhere...I could barely get her to wake up and nurse much at all! She kept falling asleep! And then I put her back down and she's STILL ASLEEP! Wild...

Anyway, don't hate me, because I've had my share of babies that don't sleep, believe me...I had this coming.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, random I am reading The Very Grouchy Ladybug to Tess...see what good parents we are? I expect her to be reading soon....

hehe...I'm kidding, actually I was reading to Jack, Tess was just along for the ride. I'm really not in the "baby genius" crowd. But it occurs to me how cool it is that these little kids of mine will be exposed to so much good literature so early due to homeschooling...Tess will hear me read Sarah, Plain and Tall, and Little House in the Big Woods to Kain this year, hear us drill his phonograms and spelling words, read about thunderstorms and earthworms, and she'll hear me decline Latin vocabulary with Maria, help her write papers on the Gospel of St. Luke, hear us discuss the Hittite Warrior, etc.

I had my 6 week postpartum check-up yesterday. There was a little issue...this is the visit where they want to have THE TALK,,,you know the one where they go, "Ok, so congratulations on that beautiful baby, she's great, now WHAT are you going to do to make sure this doesn't happen again?" I told her we weren't going to do anything. Really. The look she gave me immediately told me how stupid and naive she thought I was. In the past, you see, my cycles have stopped for several months due to breastfeeding, and we seem to have some fertility issues anyway. I mean, we didn't "do anything" after Jack was born and he and Tess are three years apart, know what I mean? And if we felt the need to "do anything" at all, it would be natural family planning of course. But right now...we don't plan to do anything. Yes, yes, I do realize that just because doing NOTHING worked fine for us before doesn't mean I won't become pregnant again sooner than later...and it probably doesn't help delay my fertility by having a 6 week old that sleeps through the night! But we've decided, at this point anyway, that we are comfortable leaving such things in God's hands. I would feel really overwhelmed and vaguely nauseous if I got pregnant with a little "Irish twin", for sure. But I wouldn't be mixing up cyanide kool-aid or anything if I did manage to get pregnant right away, you know?

She assured me that I definitely needed to DO SOMETHING, and told me the best thing to do, since I was breastfeeding and all, would be to use condoms. I didn't respond at all. I know I should have said something, like, "Thanks, we're Catholic and don't use contraception, and really condoms are barely any better than doing NOTHING, aren't they? If we wanted to do SOMETHING, natural family planning would be a far more effective SOMETHING."

Not to mention that I find condoms repulsive, mostly because what an obvious and blatant slap in the face of the marriage covenant, you know? Like, "We interrupt this marriage act and renewal of our sacramental vows before God to get up and physically put a barrier between us that will allow us to blatantly and obviously attempt to remove our God-given creative powers and yet still allow us to get our groove on." I mean, I know all artificial contraception does this, and I guess at least condoms aren't abortifacients like the pill, but they are still a mortal sin, and I find them personally repulsive because they are just so...RIGHT THERE. Anyway...sorry, off on a tangent...some of you might not read this blog to hear about my sexual beliefs and preferences. But, hey, it IS a Catholic blog, says so right in the title up there...

I didn't say anything, because as usual in situations like that I can't think of anything appropriate to say until I'm in the car 20 minutes later, especially with my 3 kids running around the place and Tess desperately trying to nurse after the long car ride out there. My mind was just blank as I fumbled to come up with an appropriate response. So, I preoccupied myself with latching Tess on and she briskly moved on to other topics. Later, I saw she had written on my chart that I had selected condoms as my form of birth control. Grrrr. I should have said SOMETHING!


Jennie C. said...

What to say. Lets start with, "Are you saying this baby shouldn't have happened? 'Cause that's what I'm hearing. I'm hearing you saying that this baby, right here, is a horrible mistake that should not happen again. Is that what you're saying?" Turn the tables. Let her deal with the uncomfortable questions. :-)

As for the sleeping through the night, I say bravo! My Penelope has been my first sleeper of six kids and it was wonderful, in a certain way. It didn't affect my breastfeeding infertility, either. In fact, I went a year without ovulating after her birth, in spite of only a very few night nursings. I attribute her decline in nursing and the return of my fertility to...

The sippy cup.

Yup. They don't tell you THAT at your postpartum appointment. :-)

Anonymous said...

I have a night sleeper too. Ain't it great?

Don't you hate it when they ask if the baby was "planned."
"Yes, planned by God!!!"


John K said...

Perhaps what we need is a short brochure directed at medical personnel whom moms meet at their six-week check-ups. In the meantime, if you are doing ecological breastfeeding, just tell them so. And ask them to go chapter 1 of our online manual, Natural Family Planning, to find out why.

John Kippley
NFP International
"Sex and the Marriage Covenant: A Basis for Morality" (Ignatius)

Kelly said...

Melanie, I am SO excited for you that Tess sleeps. THAT is a gift from God, no doubt!!!!! ["I will NOT be jealous...I will NOT be jealous....I will NOT be jealous..." LOL!]

As for the 6 week check up - nauseating, isn't it?!!! And really, with a crunchy midwifery practice, I would SURELY expect them to be a little more open to natural family planning - geez!

Now that I'm pregnant with number 6, my OB isn't even waiting for the 6 week check up - he's been pressuring me at every single visit about what I'm going to "DO" about this "problem" I have. *sigh* He is pushing this hideous new contraption where they stick little cork screw thingys into your fallopean tubes and they irritate your tubes and cause them to scar up and close up ["We can do that right here in the office now! You don't even have to be put under to get it done!"] Well, yippeee! Let me just sign right up for THAT... vile.

Sorry, sore subject here as well. LOL!

Oh, and I agree with you about condoms - totally ick in every way.

I gotta say, God has not steered us wrong yet. IF you were to get "knocked up" again ASAP 'cause you ain't "doing something" about it, you can bet God would give you the Grace to raise that little one and enjoy the heck out of them.

God bless you!


Lisa said...

Congrats on Tess sleeping through the night! Wow! I'm trying not to be jealous, too! :-)

I am equally repulsed by the comments said to you at your visit. Even if you don't say much else, when you go back again, maybe you can ask them nicely to remove the "condom" notation from your files and tell them you were *told* you were doing this, not asked.

MGH said...

Ugh, Melanie. My visit to the ob went a step further in terms of rudeness! I told her we were Catholic and we were using natural methods, and she started lecturing me on how there are Catholics she sees who use condoms, ABC, etc. We had been completing abstaining at the time to try to figure out my return of fertile signs, and when I mentioned cervical pain she said that was from intercourse. Ahem? Hello, were you listening to me at all???

I personally am going to write a complaint to her head boss about how insulted I was about her complete lack of respect for my beliefs and failing to listen to my concerns. PLEASE call/write/email a complaint about the condom thing--that is completely insulting and just wrong! At the very least, you have incorrect health information in your chart.
And I will do the same for my doctor! I agree with Mr. Kippley--they need some kind of brochure/hand out that you can give a doctor. Something like, "I am Catholic, and I do my best to practice the teachings of the Church. I will not use any artificial means to affect my fertility and health, and here is why." Then a short list for both physical, emotional, spiritual, and moral reasons. It's such a hard time anyways--you have just had an intimate procedure done to you, then you're sitting there with a baby, very vulnerable and stressed out, most likely breastfeeding, and it is hard to start lecturing the doctor.
Ok, sorry for the long comment!

mel said...

Thanks everyone. Yeah, I guess that's largely why it's so hard to say anything. You know if you say, "Well, we're Catholic and so we are going to use ecological breastfeeding/NFP to space our children", they aren't going to say, "Okey dokey" and drop it. It's going to put you in a position of defending your faith, because they are going to tell you why you really need to drop your beliefs and do this, or like MGH said, a comment about other Catholics that use ABC...I guess the rationale being if they are ok being cafeteria Catholics then you can surely do it too. I know I shouldn't ever back down from defending the faith. It's something that's difficult for me. I'm not confrontational. I've done it before, but I have to dig I'm surprised it was an issue with a homebirth midwife too. Ecological breastfeeding/NFP is not uncommon at all in crunchier circles, regardless of religious beliefs, they just don't want to put those dangerous hormones in their bodies! My last midwife didn't even bat an eye at any of our "Catholic-ness"...I figured it was because she had such an uber crunchy circle of clients that we must have looked positively mainstream to some of the things she'd seen!

Katie said...

Oh boy! My OB made me consult with a high risk guy b/c I was going for a VBA2C (which was a great success, btw!) He pushed the repeat c/s of course and when objected partially on the grounds that we're Catholic and were concerned about the prospect of a large number of c/s, he said "Well, I'm Catholic and I had a vasectomy after our third kid." GAH!!!!! Of course, he also compared giving birth to crapping out a bowling ball and said that after watching his wife "suffer" through natural birth, he "made" her have c/s for the last two.

Geeze. Thankfully my OB didn't give me any flack about NFP. She asked what I was doing for bc and I told her and she gave me some info on LAM.

(I came here through 4real :) )

Katie said...

Oh and congrats on your sweet baby girl!