I am in a truly foul state of mind today. Nothing catastrophic has happened, I have nothing and no one to blame it on...it's all me. It's been building, I guess. Frankly, ever since we got back from vacation things have been rough. I came back feeling all the first trimester stuff and things have slowly unraveled around me. I haven't really even mustered an attempt to catch up. So today, the house is a wreck, laundry is behind, I have been pulling throwing slipshod meals together at the last minute because *I'm* not hungry and so I'm completely irritated at the thought of feeding anyone else. School, though we take a crack at it each day, is slowly creeping further and further behind. All of this is largely because my schedule is falling apart. I've been sleeping later than I used to, going to bed earlier than I used to, often napping during Jack's nap time. And when I'm not sleeping, I feel like I should be. I'm sure ready for this trimester to be done. I'm trying not to feel so aggravated and to remind myself how long we've waited for this baby, that a couple of months of feeling lousy is totally worth the gift of another child, and that there are plenty of women that are much more ill during their pregnancies, not to mention plenty of women who can't conceive at all. It helps to keep it in perspective. But I still feel cruddy.
Today I kind of lost it. I was all of a sudden gripped with the realization that Halloween and All Saint's Day are next week and, although the kids had pretty much settled on costumes, we hadn't actually done anything about making them yet. On the spur of the moment, I grabbed Maria and we ran to Stuffmart. John was home to keep the boys. An hour later I was in tears and feeling slightly hysterical. I hadn't found anything. Nothing. I was hoping to find an angel costume in Jack's size that could double for the church's Halloween party as well as our homeschool group's All Saint's Day party, but they had *nothing* in his size at all except Barbie and Dora the Explorer. In the interest of saving myself some sewing, I was hoping to find a couple of generic robes for Maria and Kain to serve as a base for their Saint costumes (St. Amadeus and St. Catherine of Alexandria), but I couldn't find anything appropriate. I was hoping to find black hooded sweatshirts and black sweatpants for both of the boys to serve as the beginnings of bat and skunk costumes, but couldn't find any black hooded sweatshirts and no black sweatpants in Jack's size. I was hoping to find "faux fur" for Jack's skunk costume as well, but I couldn't find any at all. I was hoping to find a plain, solid color skirt to serve as the basis of Maria's "'50's waitress costume", but there were no skirts at all that didn't look like they belonged on a street corner. So, an hour later I was standing in the fabric section, facing making all these costumes from scratch in less than a week, not mention the fact that I still had to hunt up the sweat suits and faux fur somewhere else. I had nothing but diapers, shaving cream, and shampoo in my cart to show for my time. My eyes were tired and aching, I was feeling nauseous, and I was a snapping at Maria. And I had to pee. I told Maria we were scratching our plans. I was going back to the costume section and we were going to find some kind of costumes that could work for...anything. Anything for anyone. Just something. Back in the costume section, I grabbed things, put them in my cart, changed my mind and put them back. Maria brought me things she liked, but I soon realized I didn't want to spend $15-25 a piece on store bought costumes and still have to make All Saints Day costumes, and I couldn't find anything that could work for both. My head was spinning and I went from feeling nauseated to feeling like I was going to die if I didn't eat something RIGHT NOW. I grabbed my diapers and fled to the cashier. "Did you find everything you needed?" she asked in an irritating tone. "SURE DID!" I almost screamed, fighting the urge to break into hysterical giggles. WHY do they ask you that? I have always wondered. What do they do if you say, "No, actually, I was trying to find whole wheat couscous and I couldn't find it anywhere." Are they going to leave their register and go find it or what?
Once home, I proceeded to snap at everyone else until I went somewhere else, had a sandwich, and got control of myself. I prayed to the Blessed Mother, for probably the 247th time this month, to help me be sane and patient and kind, because surely she didn't act psycho when she was pregnant?, came back out and apologized to everyone, and got online. At target.com, I found a toddler angel costume for Jack, which we will try to make a little less girly by trimming some frills and adding a sword and shield for St. Michael. I found a couple of choices for Kain and Maria, costumes that could double for both Halloween and All Saint's Day. Kain, wooed by any costume involving a weapon, was easy to talk into the switch. Maria was more reluctant, but I think she realized that Mom was a woman on the edge. In the end, Kain chose a crusader costume. Now I just have to think of a crusader Saint. Maria settled on this Geisha costume, which will become St. Anna Wang, a little 14 year old girl that was martyred for the faith during the Boxer rebellion in China. And after paying a small fortune for these costumes plus two day shipping to ensure their delivery in time for the 31st, TA-DAH!, I'm all done. Best small fortune I ever spent. Any ideas for how to keep these things sane and reasonably inexpensive as your family grows bigger? A friend of mine says that she keeps an eye out all year possible costume finds at thrift stores,,,,robes and gowns, swords and shields, ethnic looking clothes, wings, armor, etc.,...when October comes, they just work with what they have, younger kids often wearing costumes older kids have used in the past.
Anyway, I'm feeling more sane, but I really need to get our lives back on track and more organized again. It's so hard to dig out from under when things fall apart. Thanks for indulging my vent.