Slightly Crunchy Catholic

Tess, who can't say "r" very well.

2011-12-02T12:20:00.004-05:00

(maybe because of the overbite from sucking those fingers...)

Tess- I wanna have pears.

Me- We don't have any pears. Would you like an apple?

Tess- No, I wanna have pears.

Me- Ok, but we don't have any pears. We have apples, and bananas, and oranges, but no pears. Do you want a banana?

Tess- No! No, I wanna pears!

(she wanders away for a bit, then comes back carefully carrying all the candles from the Advent wreath. She comes over and carefully hands me each one and says, "Pears! I wanna have these pears!"

Me- Tess, we don't have any pears! (Then a light bulb finally goes on) Oh! You want to have PRAYERS?!

Tess- Yes! Yes, I wanna have these pears!

So, we did. Even though it wasn't prayer time. Because she worked so hard for it. :)

a contest with myself

2011-11-07T16:07:00.002-05:00

Kain returned two hours ago from a five day long visit with my parents. I haven't yelled at anyone in five whole days. People comment on my frazzled nerves, and I promise them, my nerves are frazzled because of one child. One out of five isn't bad I guess. :) But still. I don't like that it takes Kain leaving for five days to reign in my temper. I'm in a contest (with myself) to see how long I can go without losing my temper with him. So far I have weathered an argument in which he demanded tools and nails and a curtain rod so that he can build a clubhouse RIGHT NOW. Actually, first he asked if he could build a clubhouse, and then I said sure, and then he asked in which tree, and I said no, not a treehouse, a clubhouse on the ground (our trees are not suitable for treehousing), and he was ticked about that, and he came back with a new plan to build a clubhouse on the ground, and I said sure, and he gave me a list of things he needs, and I told him to talk to Uncle John about which tools he could use, and he had a cow because he wants to do it RIGHT NOW. How's that for a run-on sentence? And I did not yell. I may have adapted an exasperated tone. But I did not yell. Stay posted. I can see him from the window by the computer gathering scrap wood. I don't think this is over. :)

Jack said....

2011-11-07T16:04:00.003-05:00

waiting impatiently for breakfast one morning..."Am I among the poor?"

Me- "No dear. Why?'

Jack- "Because I have nothing to eat!"

an announcement!

2011-10-31T20:29:00.002-04:00

Many of you know this already, those I know "elsewhere", and I've been meaning to post it here...we are expecting a new baby probably sometime in late May. I haven't been keeping up with my dates very well, shame on me. But my best guess puts me around 11 weeks along. We're all excited. This is the first pregnancy that Jack seems "old" enough to follow along. He's very sweet, talks about the baby often and kisses my belly. Tess may have some issues. Any time I mention the baby she yells "NO!" haha!

Is he slow?

2011-10-24T16:58:00.004-04:00

John was asked this about Jack a couple of weeks ago. I guess we'll be hearing those kinds of questions more and more as Jack gets older. When he was a younger boy, he just seemed shy, or quirky...now that he's bigger, the gap between Jack and other 7year old boys is widening. He is slower. Slower to respond to his name, slower to move, slower to answer a question. He still performs on grade level,,,but slowly. I don't think he would be able to perform on grade level in a regular classroom just because he wouldn't be able to keep up with the pace and the level of distraction. But here, at home, we slow down with him, for him. We ask him a question, and we wait. Repeat, if necessary. We repeat instructions, we slow down our expectations,,,,Jack slows us all down. We sit with math, and the calendar, and I ask him, "What month is it?" and I know he knows the answer, so I wait. And when he stares over my shoulder, I ask again. And when he says, "A clarinet is a member of the woodwind family." I pull his chin to me and say, very sweetly and patiently because if he thinks you are mad he will cry, "Jack, what month is it?" and wait for his gaze to clear and for him to smile and answer, "It's October! It's October 24th, and Halloween is October 31st, and my birthday is October 7th, and your birthday is October 16th, and you are 37 years old now!" And after having exhausted all he knows about October, we move on. Slowly but surely.

grocery shopping with Kain

2011-09-05T18:44:00.004-04:00

I haven't taken Kain on a real grocery shopping trip in a long, long time. And even then, I think there was just the once. He doesn't handle the store well. And usually, Maria and I go after her dance class. John is usually off that day and he watches the rest of the clan. But this Friday was pay day. John was working. We were desperately in need of many things. Maria was leaving the next day to visit her grandparents for five days, so she wasn't going to be around for regular Tuesday trip anyway. So I decided to take Kain and Henry and left Maria home to babysit Tess and Jack (she was thrilled).

You should know that grocery shopping for seven people is huge. And also that I shop once every two weeks. So. It's really huge. And food for seven people for two weeks is just about all my house can hold, so when the two weeks are up, we are pretty much out of everything. I decided to take Kain because, 1., he had been kind of a butt lately and I didn't think he'd behave for Maria, and 2., he complains that I never take him to the store, and 3., some help loading and such is nice to have for such a long day.

So, we started our trip at Aldi. And it was really funny. Even though Kain usually helps unload the groceries when we've been home, I guess he had no idea how much of each thing I actually buy. I went first thing back to the milk case and loaded 10 gallons of milk into the cart. Then I loaded 10 dozen eggs in as well. His jaw hit the floor. I blew through the pantry goods and piled in 6 boxes of cereal, 4 boxes of granola bars, 2 bags of pretzels, 4 bags of tortilla chips, cans of beans, bags of rice, a few dozen fruit cups, and several boxes of various pasta, among other things. We hit the cold case for 4 bags of frozen chicken thighs, four pounds of ground turkey, some fish, some chicken nuggets, 6 cans of frozen juice, three pounds of lunch meat, bacon, sausage, and four pounds of butter. We hit the produce section for salad greens, cucumbers, tomatoes, a watermelon, a dozen nectarines, dozen plums, 2 bags of apples, a bag of potatoes, a bag of onions, mushrooms, peppers, carrots, and 2 bags of bananas. Kain kept expressing alarm and mumbling that he hoped I knew what I was doing. We checked out with our overflowing cart....$254.00.
Kain gasped loudly. "Oh no, that's too much Aunt Mel!" I laughed. "Relax kid. We are just getting started."

After a run through a drive through for a quick lunch while Henry napped, we hit walmart. First stop was for non-food stuffs...diapers (I use cloth mostly, but use disposables at night), wipes, cat food, cat litter, dishwasher soap, some supplies for my co-op class, dog food, a big pack of toilet paper, paper towels, and some various toiletries. The cart already nearly full, we headed to the food section to squeeze in yogurt, 3 packs of american cheese, a big block of cheddar, some mozzarella, pepperoni. We hit the meat section for a pound of round steak that I couldn't' find at aldi, then picked up some dregs like 2 huge jars of pickles, peanut butter, coffee, frozen fruit, frozen vegetables, brown rice, and salad dressing, and four boxes of frozen ice creams, among other things. Then we hit the bread section last, piling in 2 packs of hamburger buns, goldfish crackers, and 6 loaves of bread. Usually I get bread at the bakery thrift store, but it's in the same town as Maria's dance class and was too far out of the way to make a trip there just for the bread. One last stop by the deli to get Maria some popcorn shrimp and potato wedges...her bribe for babysitting...and we checked out....$165.00.

All in all, not a bad trip. We were out of everything, food wise, but I didn't have anything too out of the ordinary to buy so it worked out. Kain was whiny and tired, but he handled it pretty well overall. I don't think he'll ask to go shopping anytime soon though. I don't think he had any idea how much work it is!

This isn't working very well

2011-09-04T08:21:00.003-04:00

We just can't get off the ground very well this year. Sigh. Staying up late...I gave that up. Neither Tess nor Henry would go to sleep and stay that way. They were up too late and up too early and just cross and fussy all the next day. No good. I tried laying down in Tess's room with her, but she took quite a while to go to sleep and I realized it wouldn't work too many nights anyway. John is very often still at work at bedtime, or newly home and not wanting to chase Henry around. So, I'm back to going to bed insanely early and then getting up early. It's still not working so great. The kids have an uncanny ability to know when I'm out of bed. Usually within 15 minutes of heading downstairs, I have company.

On other fronts...Kain is already as belligerent about his schoolwork as ever. I'm already threatening public school, and it's not even Labor Day yet! haha! Jack is doing quite well with his schoolwork, but his behavior overall is an issue. He's having lots of tantrums and anxiety...not related to school, just for all kinds of reasons. It's all been rather exhausting to handle these two. I'd appreciate some sanity prayers.

day with dora

2011-08-23T10:12:00.002-04:00

Picking up the pace

2011-08-15T08:42:00.003-04:00

Sigh. I miss summer already. This past weekend Maria had Life Teen activities at church, and the boys had something for scouts. Our co-op started last week. Dance starts this week. Vacation is over, folks.

School is a little....limpy. We are working, but we aren't on schedule very well and I find myself spending a lot of time putting out fires. I'm having a hard time finding a groove. Ok. I'm lazy. There, I said it. I feel lazy. In order for the days to really flow smoothly, I need to either...
a. stay up later than the children and get some things done, or
b. get up earlier than the children and get some things done.

Neither has been happening. I mean, I've been up, both early and late, but I'm not actually *working*...I need to be doing some housework, folding laundry, grading and prepping school work. Instead I either...
a. stay up later than the children, eat fourth meal, and watch reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond, or
b. get up earlier than the children and sit on the couch watching the news and drinking coffee.

I've got to kick myself in the can. But first I need to decide which way to go, up early or up late? Last year I was getting up early. I'm just too darned tired to actually work on laundry and cleaning and such at the end of the day. And the littles go to sleep (and stay asleep) better if I just lay down with them. But I don't seem to be able to kick it into gear very well this year. Which works best for you? Getting up early? Staying up late?

banana bread

2011-08-14T17:47:00.002-04:00

I am seriously addicted to it right now. Here's my favorite recipe.

1 cup of butter, softened
2 cups of sugar
4 eggs
3 cups of all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons of baking soda
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon salt
3 bananas
1 cup sour cream
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 cup chopped walnuts, if you have them

Cream the butter, sugar, and eggs. Mix dry ingredients separately, then add to butter mixture. Add sour cream, vanilla, and bananas. Stir in nuts. Pour into two greased loaf pans and bake at 350 for 1 hour.

Now, ignore all that. Because! It has way too much fat and sugar! Yikes! It's yummy, believe me, but wow...I feel like I might as well give the kids a snicker bar for breakfast. Here's my tweaked version...not as sweet, but still very, very good and something that I can feed my kids without a guilt complex. Henry loves it!

1/2 cup of butter
1 cup of sugar
4 eggs
3 cups of whole wheat flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon salt
3 bananas
1/2 cup of applesauce
1 cup sour cream
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 cup chopped walnuts, if you have them

Add applesauce with the bananas. I rarely use all whole wheat flour when baking. It comes out like a doorstop. But it actually works really well in this recipe. The kids had no idea it was whole wheat. I tried it accidentally when I was in the middle of baking some and found out I was out of white flour.

You did know that you can freeze bananas whole, right in their skins, right? I buy them in those paper bags at 25 cents a pound. We eat up what we can, then I toss the rest right in the freezer as is. When you are ready to use them, you just defrost them, then cut the stem end off with kitchen scissors and goosh the banana right into the bowl. They turn really dark but are still just fine for baking. And if you have any little boys around, they will love to make the bananas "poop". Yes...we are easily entertained.

I forgot

2011-08-08T08:14:00.002-04:00

I know I said I was going to post everyday for a while,,,but the truth of the matter is that I keep forgetting to post when I'm at the computer! Ah well. Anyway, today is our first day of school...sort of. I'm still waiting for some of our books to get here. A car repair, and air conditioning repair, and that trip to St. Louis put off my book ordering a bit. The rest are ordered but not in my hands yet. But we are starting today anyway with what we can do. I have most of what I need for Kain. I still need quite a bit for Maria, and some things for Jack. Maria will be starting slow anyway. She is taking two classes, grammar and religion, online this year, and so she has to follow their schedule...they don't start until September.

Hopefully I'll have some first day pictures soon. Our schedule looks very different this year than last year. Tess is starting preschool, officially, which mostly means some Montessori activities and a slow progression through Little Saints. Jack is starting first grade. Gosh, he's made so much progress over the last year. Kain is starting fifth grade. And Maria is starting HIGH SCHOOL! Gasp! I KNOW! We are enrolled in Mother of Divine Grace for the first time this year, so now I am officially accountable to another human being, something that I'm sure will stretch my organizational abilities to their screaming limits.

a change of pace

2011-08-01T11:45:00.001-04:00

We were supposed to go to a family reunion this past weekend. Then, on Wednesday night, Jack got sick. Vomiting, chills, 104 fever sick. So John went with the two biggest kids and I stayed home with the little kids. I fully expected Tess and/or Henry to get sick, but they did not. So by Friday, Jack was much better (but still not well enough for mixed company) and I was alone until Sunday night with the three littlest ones. It was such a change of pace. Just as busy...but slower, if that makes sense. I concentrated on just the basics because that's all I could do...and remarkably, they got done. We made a huge batch of hot pink, vanilla scented playdough. We took long bubble baths until toes were pruny and water was cool. We blew bubbles for the dog to chase. We broke out checkers that no one was old enough to play and lined and stacked them up on the board. Meals were very simple, wake up times were ignored. It was rather lovely, really. But quiet in a way. There was no one to *talk* to, and it made me realize how much conversation actually happens between the biggest kids and I.

back in the saddle

2011-07-31T13:42:00.004-04:00

I think what's happened is that I'm out of the *habit* of writing. Time starts widening between posts, and the longer between posts the harder it is to just sit down and WRITE. So, I'm going to try to write every day for a while. Just something.

So...is it hot enough for ya? (badumdum)

I read on a yankee blog that they haven't gone outside because the heat index is above 85. 85? Really? Because our heat index is above 85 all summer long. And half of fall. We go outside pretty much every day. My kids just *need* that. We go out early in the morning when it's this hot. And usually in the late afternoon we will go out again. But the late afternoon time involves *water*. Always. That's the trick. Every day. A couple of times a week we go to the city pool. The other days, we hit the back yard. I keep our bathing suits and pool towels in a pile by the back door, and I strip folks right there and suit them up. The very littlest usually just go out in a diaper...if that much. My bathing suit is there too, and I also get wet. We don't necessarily *play* in the water every day...the sprinkler is on, watering various areas, and we might or might not fill the wading pool. But we do *get wet*, thereby making the heat bearable for a while and keeping the mosquitoes at bay. And,,,you wanna know my little white trash secret? I also stash a bottle of tear free shampoo by the back door. I've been known to lather some heads and run them through the sprinkler. Because doesn't it seem silly to bring folks in from playing in water and then put them in the bathtub?

Makes for an easy evening too, when the littles are already washed up. I can just call everyone in when evening comes and throw some pajamas on them, feed them, and they're ready for bed. Worried about the neighbors? Tell them you are conserving water...being ecologically minded to make up for that carbon footprint your big ole family is stamping all over the planet. It's amazing how thin a line there is between "redneck" and "green". Me, I don't worry about the neighbors. We have a six feet high privacy fence.

Alphabet Path meets Little Saints

2011-06-19T08:06:00.004-04:00

Little Saints, if you aren't familiar, is a popular Montessori-based Catholic preschool curriculum. But it was a bust for Jack. I just couldn't engage him. It's not the fault of this lovely work. Jack has lots of attention issues and I have a really difficult time engaging him in..well, almost anything. He doesn't like crafts, and he didn't get hand rhymes and sort of thing, and in the end it just didn't feel like it was worth battling over. I saved my energy for kindergarten. The Alphabet Path was a smidge more successful because I was able to customize it for him, but still, he wasn't really very interested in most of it and it just kind of fizzled. It wasn't enjoyable for him, and since it wasn't essential, I just let it drop.

Well, now Tess is 3 years old, and she loves to "do school". She loves crafts, loves read alouds and hand rhymes and all that fun preschool-y stuff. And ironically, the more she is interested in doing such things, the more I find Jack wanting to join in. And let's not forget Henry! He is one year old now, and while he is much too young for crafts and such, he does already love songs and read alouds and that sort of thing.

So, what I've done is I've turned the Little Saint's curriculum into our own little Alphabet Path. This will be primarily for Tess, but I plan to have Henry join us for the parts he will enjoy and Jack will always be invited to join in as well. This will be our Alphabet Path for the next two years because we will continue to do one stop on the path each month (four weeks, really). That is just what is realistic for us. Jack will still be doing MODG's first grade curriculum, remember, and I do still have two other big kids to work with too! I offer my notes here of how I've broken this down. Maybe it will help someone who already has Little Saints and would like to use it this way, or maybe it will help someone looking for more Alphabet Path ideas. I am listing our themes by month because some of these themes are seasonal or based on the liturgical year. Sometimes the title Little Saints gives the theme matches the letter of the alphabet for that month, but many times I had to tweak it to make it match. When the latter occurs, I will put my name for this theme first, and the corresponding Little Saints theme in parentheses.

August- A - Angels (from Colors, day 1) and Alphabet Fun
September- B - By Sea and Sky
Late Sept/Oct.-C - Colors (days 2 and 3) and Cool Fall Weather (Fall Is Here)
Late Oct/Nov- D - Dentists, Doctors, and other Friends (Good Health Friends)
Late Nov/Dec- E - Emmanuel (some activities from the Christmas unit appropriate for
Advent
Late Dec/Jan- F - Felis Navidad (anything we didn't do in the Christmas Unit, plus the Epiphany unit) and Feathered Friends
Late Jan/Feb- G- Gardens (Plant Life) and Grocery Stores (At the Supermarket)
Feb- H - Home (My Home and Neighborhood) and Hibernation (Forest Animals)
March-I - Insects, Ireland (a one day unit in LS on St. Patrick), and Italy (a one day unit on St. Joseph, the patron of Italy)
April- J - Joyful Easter (Easter Time) and Jump Into Spring (Spring has Sprung)
May- K - Keeping Safe (Safety Friends)
June- L - Long Days of Summer (Summer Fun), Life in a City
July- M - My Family
August- N -Number Fun, Nursery Rhymes
September- O On the Farm (In the Country)
Late Sept/Oct-P Pond and Sea, Pets and Pals
Late Oct/Nov- Q Queens and Kings (Fairy Tales)
Late Nov/Dec- R Restaurants (Eating Out)
Late Dec/Jan- S Snow (Winter Fun) and Storytime (Fables and Folktales)
Late Jan/Feb- T Triangles and other Shapes (Shapes), and Time (It's About Time)
Feb- U Up In Space, United States (My America)
March- V loVing Your Neighbor
April- W What's the Weather, World of Friends (Children Around the World)
May- X
(Little Christians)
June- Y All About You (I Belong to God, My Five Senses)
July- Z Zoo Animals

So that's it...maybe this will help someone out there with their planning. At the very least it will be here for me when Henry is 3! I plan to take Tess down Elizabeth Foss's Alphabet Path again when she is done with this Little Saint's version.

selective discrimination

2011-06-01T09:17:00.003-04:00

Maria- Mom, hypothetically speaking, would you care if I married a black man?

Me- Would he be a good Catholic? Hypothetically speaking?

Maria- Yes.

Me- Go for it.

Boys vs girls

2011-04-19T20:15:00.002-04:00

I spent the day grocery shopping.

John fed the baby chili for dinner. It's very weird to pick up your baby and have him smell like chili.

Tess got wrist deep into a jar of peanut butter, and when I got home, I witnessed John leading the dog over to her and letting him "clean her up".

I found Jack playing with John's hacksaw. He said he was "making sawdust". I said, "Jack, you aren't allowed to play with Daddy's saw!" He said, "I'm not playing. I'm working."

There is a light saber on top of the garage roof. Kain threw it up there after he found Jack playing with it. For some reason, this makes sense to him in a way that I cannot grasp.

family tv night?

2011-04-16T09:01:00.002-04:00

This sounds great.

A real family movie night!

I so glad to read that the commercials are family friendly too. We quit watching America's Funniest Home videos, one of our last tv hold outs, a couple of years ago because I didn't want to explain to my then-8yo what "erectile dysfunction" was or what that KY "his and hers" commercial was about. Sheesh. Does no one that makes these TV production decisions actually have a child? Even accounting for a wide variety of "what is appropriate" opinions, does anyone really think the Victoria's Secret models posturing with their push-up bras and angel wings appropriate for family TV?

Jack recites poetry

2011-03-22T13:07:00.002-04:00

Dumb computer turned this video sideways. Sigh. I spent almost an hour yesterday trying to figure out how to fix it. It isn't sideways on my camera! Anyway. Tilt your head, ha!

Merry, um...Christmas

2011-03-20T16:42:00.007-04:00

On this weekend feast of the Solemnity of St. Joseph, I would like to celebrate with....

...our Christmas portrait.

Well, you know, I'd been having computer and camera issues, and still can't really get my photo editing software to work like it did...nothing is the same, NOTHING, WAAH! But, I did finally get my HUNDREDS of pictures off my camera and onto my computer. Better late than never. And in that frame of mind, I will ramble on and share a bunch of pictures from the last several months whilst I talk about liturgical year stuff.

(our back deck...one of our biggest snow falls EVER this year!)

(Henry with our Christmas tree...there are bikes under that blanket behind him.)

We've been doing a lot of liturgical year stuff this time around. It's been so much fun. It feels like a fine line though, between "having fun" and "OCD". Do you ever read other people's blogs about fixing "Fruits of the Holy Spirit" fruit salad or little snacks to go with every Jesse tree ornament and think "who ARE these people"

(
Yeah. Me too. Or, you know, I used to. I still do, to some extent. Here's my thoughts...

(Adam's apple. For our first Jesse Tree ornament)
First, this kind of thing is for people who love to cook and craft with their kids. If you love it, do it, and if you don't, please don't even waste a moment worrying about not doing it.

There are many things we don't do with our kids because it's just not our thing. We aren't musical. We've done very little sports. We're not terribly outdoors-y. I like to cook, I like to do crafts, and I find those things very do-able with our mixed age group. My kids like doing them too. So it's what we do.

Second, if you think you would like to do it but find it all overwhelming because there is *so much* out there, I hear you. We don't do it all, we really don't. Some years (pregnancy years) I do very, very little, trying to muster up the gumption to bring the basics for the big four together (Advent, Christmas, Lent, Easter). Other years I am more motivated and looking for new ideas to add to our favorites.

Many of the things I make require very little effort on my part at all, no more than a glance through the church calendar when making my grocery plans for the week. For example, for the Solemnity, we will be having an Italian dinner, which is traditional for this day. But it's nothing fancy, a simple chicken parmesan and some boxed biscotti and ice cream. I have to make dinner anyway. This one required no more effort than any other.

Tess has already contributed her part. She pooed on the dining room chair, then smooshed my little St. Joseph statue in it. Yep. Potty training is going swimmingly...

He's been cleaned with toothpicks and an old toothbrush. A run through the dishwasher to sterilize and I think he'll be ok.

Jack world

2011-02-20T08:09:00.002-05:00

Jack is very verbal for an autistic child. We're very grateful for that! But his communication is very dependent on what is called "scripted speech"...little memorized lines and phrases that he uses to communicate. It's kind of like if you were learning French or something, and you went to France to visit, and you had to navigate around using your very limited vocabulary...you would be very heavily dependent on using those little phrases you memorized out of your French textbook. That's how Jack seems. He's here for a visit, and he speaks slowly and carefully, pulling out the phrases and words he knows and making them fit. What's more, he often supplies *us* with the appropriate phrases to use too.

For example, last night he came out of bed, walked slowly up to me, put his face a few inches from mine, and screwed it up into his "sad face"...

Me- Hi Jack, what's going on?

Jack- Say, "what's wrong".

Me- Oh, ok. What's wrong?

Jack- I heard a scary noise.

Me- You did?

Jack- Say, "it's ok".

Me- It's ok. (hug)

Jack- smiles and trots back to bed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's another funny Jack moment. Maria has dance class on Monday nights at 6:30. We were going to a nearby park while she was in class, but now of course it's dark at this time. Waiting in the tiny waiting space with four children has proven unsatisfactory. So one evening a couple of weeks ago, I lay down the seats in the back of the van, and Henry, Tess, Jack and I all climbed back there and read stories, did hand rhymes,and sang songs. Jack was only minimally engaged, and so I was trying to pull him in...

Me- Jack, do you want to pick the next song?

Jack- Ok!

Me- What should we sing?

Jack- Can you sing the song from the ghost castle in world 3 of Super Mario Brothers?

Me- Um. Hmm. I don't know that song. Do you know how it goes?

And then Jack, who hardly ever sings "normal" preschool-y songs, starts singing (if you can call it that,,there's no words) this backround music from our wii game. "Bahdum bahdum badum. Bahdum bahdum bahdum. Bahdum bahdum bahdum dum dum dum dum dumdumdumdumdumdumdumdum."

On bribes. Erm, I mean, prizes.

2011-02-13T08:34:00.005-05:00

Just thought I'd share a little school-y tidbit that we've been making use of for several years now. Our prize box. A more organized blogger would have a picture of the box now. But I haven't any pictures. So just try to picture it...it looks like this....

...only red. And it's an older lego box, with a lid that closes tightly, not like these new-fangled lego boxes that are good for nothing much once the legos are taken out.

Anyway, the prize box sits on the top shelf of the school room closet. Maria and Kain each have a sheet with a 10 by 10 grid on it. It's their catechism drill sheet. Our curriculum, you see, has them memorizing catechism questions and answers every year from 1st grade through 8th grade. It can get a little...tedious. So, we drill a set of questions every day, and for every one they can recite they can put a sticker or check mark or whatever on their drill sheet, and for every 10 boxes checked off they can pick a prize out of the box. They both love this. Kain will *beg* me to do religion. You'd think there was gold in that there box. Jack doesn't do catechism drill yet, being only in kindergarten, but he does memorize poetry, and so I give him a check mark for each day he recites poetry for me and he can pick out a prize after four check marks, which comes out to once a week.

What to put in the box...that is always a challenge. The kids often suggest things. My rule is that nothing in the box costs more than a dollar. Frankly, even that can add up quickly. Depending on the question line-up,,,that is, whether the questions for a particular day are learning brand new ones or reviewing old ones,,,they can earn 1-3 prizes a week. Plus, finding prizes that appeal to older kids,,,mostly Maria, but increasingly Kain too...that's trickier.

So, what's in our box? Here's some common findings---

-Dollar Tree finds, obviously. This is especially good for little kids, but I also pick up little bottles of smelly lotions and potions and such that Maria likes.

-Many stores, like Target and Walmart, have a dollar section too. Also look for multipacks of things that might cost more than a dollar, but you can open them up and break them up. Especially look around the holidays. Yesterday I picked up little tubes of bubbles, notebooks, colored pens, plastic slinkies, and stickers in the Valentine's section at Walmart. They were $3 a pack, but had several items in each pack. I've also picked up things like this on clearance after the holiday, like those bath baskets that go on clearance the day after Christmas. Buy them up, cut them open, and you've got several items for your box.

-Also stock up at the beginning of the school year on fun school supplies...markers and cute notebooks and that sort of thing.

-I try not to do candy. But sugarless gum is good. Pick up the multipacks to keep your price down. And many times I have put a few pieces of Halloween dregs in snack bags and thrown them in there. And sometimes I will pick up some cute holiday candy on clearance, just for something different.

-Itunes songs. Not thrilled about this one now that they have raised their price per song. However, Kain is interested in some songs off the Christian music station and I see this as a constructive way to guide his taste in music away from the stuff his dad listens to (yikes).

Even Maria, in her "I'm 14 years old and nothing excites me" stage of life, loves the prize box, even if just on principle...everyone loves a freebie. She helps me look for items when we are shopping, and she will often use her points to get something out of there for Tess or Jack, which is very sweet.

Our Life Plus Dog

2011-02-11T08:21:00.002-05:00

I don't think I'm a dog person.

I'm sorry about that.

I don't dislike dogs. I actually really like dogs. Other people's dogs. I think I feel about dogs the way some people feel about kids. If I go over to *your* house and see *your* dog, I will probably love all over him, but I'll be glad to leave him at *your* house when I go.

Dogs are just too high maintenance for me. They are too in-my-space and too hyperactive. I know he's a puppy and these things will get better. But I still don't think I'm a dog person. I like my cats. They are low-maintenance. They are independent. They lie around and look pretty and sometimes seek a warm lap,,,and they are *clean*...that's about my speed, animal-wise.

We have a couple of finches, and they are borderline, for me, maintenance-wise, but I still allow them because they are pretty and chirpy and I really do like birds. I like dogs, but their maintenance level just pushes them over the acceptability line for me.

Oh, there's all the usual puppy stuff. Housebreaking has been really difficult because of the record snowfall. He's not getting enough exercise, again, because of the snowfall, and so he's eaten Maria's sketcher sandals, a pair of my shoes, and numerous toys, Tessie's hat, the cable cord that hooks up to our modem, and a wooden shelf I had propped up against a wall waiting to be hung. He ate my favorite Christmas picture book. Oh, and I almost forgot until just now when he woke up Henry...he loves to climb on top of napping children, causing you to lug him behind the baby gate in the laundry room until naptime is over. And I do mean *lug*. He's no small puppy anymore and must weigh a good 40 pounds already.

All of this would be forgivable and mostly puppy-related stuff if not for one, very disturbing, very stomach-turning issue. He eats pooey diapers. Actually, "eats" is an understatement. He attacks, shreds, and devours dirty diapers. He rips them open and buries his face in there and snorts around like he's a doggie-addict that has discovered someone's doggie-cocaine stash. And when you find (smell) what's going on, and you holler at him in your best no-no-bad-dog voice, and you crawl around on all fours picking up pooey diaper shreds and suppressing your gag reflex, he jumps all over you and then LICKS YOU IN THE FACE WITH HIS POOEY, STINKY MOUTH AND YOU COULD JUST DIE FROM THE GROSSNESS OF IT ALL!

I just don't think I could like an animal like this. I'm a nurse. I am not a squeamish person. I've cleaned up every bodily fluid there is, I've seen terrible, rotting-flesh, bone-deep bedsores that would, I guarantee, nauseate most dog lovers. But even I have my limits. For example, never once, not ever, did one of those bedsores jump up and lick me in the face.

And, you know, before we got the dog, we watched this documentary about dogs, how they had evolved with human beings for so long that they can read human emotion and expressions better even than most people. So how does my retching and gagging and screaming, "NO, NO, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DEAR GOD NO" encourage this animal to come love all over me?

And also, how can an animal with a digestive system so delicate that they get horrifying diarrhea when you change their brand of dog food eat actual human excrement with no ill effect whatsoever?

Don't worry, the dog isn't going anywhere. My husband loves him. The little kids adore him, especially Tess. He and Tess are best buds, which shouldn't be surprising since they are both toddlers. I think the big kids still love him, although they've had to clean up enough of his messes that the bloom is definitely off the rose. Spring is coming, and he will spend more (much more) time outdoors, and we will all learn to throw dirty diapers away IMMEDIATELY and to keep our shoes out of his way. And our toys. And our books. And our furniture, rugs, and decorative items. I guess I'll just hang everything from the ceiling.

Anyway. I know my post is a controversial one, and I'm sure I'll hear back from you dog-lovers. I might even get a nasty e-mail flame or two. I realize that this is just how dogs are, that he is not trying to be a bad dog, but is just in fact being a DOG, but that's my point, really. I don't think I'm a dog person.

It's not tumor after all.

2011-02-07T08:02:00.002-05:00

A smell awoke me early this morning. Pungent and oily, like...like....I couldn't quite put my finger on it. A cross between lemon oil and paint stripper. It was so faint from upstairs in my bedroom that I couldn't be sure I wasn't dreaming it. When I came downstairs, the smell grew much stronger, almost unbearably so, but I couldn't quite pin down the location. It seemed to be coming from the kitchen/laundry room area. I now had some vague memory of hearing a crash down here when John was getting ready for work. He must have knocked something down and now the bottle was leaking. Some kind of bottle of leaking cleaner? Some kind of crafting material? A quick look around revealed no evidence of any smelly puddles of stuff.

After I got coffee and laundry going, I poked around under the kitchen sink and on the laundry room shelves but could find no evidence of anything leaking there either. I felt like I was crazy. Maybe I had a brain tumor after all. I often smell things that no one else in the house seems to smell, sniffing around the house until I finally locate a sippy cup of milk stashed in an odd cabinet, or a ziploc bag with a rotting bird's nest (true story). Sometimes I can't pinpoint what I'm smelling, and we joke that it must be my brain tumor.

This was not a joke. The smell was so strong it was making me nauseous. And the crashing sound...there must be evidence of something! I found a few blue shop towels near the top the trash and picked them up to sniff, but they had been soaked with the coffee grounds I'd just dumped in there. Between that and the very overpowering smell of...of whatever this mystery smell was...I couldn't gain any insight from the towels.

I looked at the time. It was now nearly 7. John's shift would be just starting. I called his cell phone and the he solved my mystery...tea tree oil! It seems when he opened the fridge this morning, he pulled the med box down to the floor. It's a common occurrence around here. The "med box" is where we keep our daily-used medications...Kain's meds, mostly, and also vitamins, and anything else that someone might currently be using like antibiotics and such. Often when the med box is put away, it isn't put back quite far enough on top of the fridge and then gets pulled down when you open the door. Anyway, apparently there was a bottle of tea tree oil in there that broke open all over the kitchen floor. I have no idea why there was tea tree oil in the med box. I use it to mix up cloth baby wipe stuff, and it's supposed to be on the changing table. Anyway. Smelly stuff mystery solved. It's not a tumor.

Are we hopeful?

2011-02-01T12:57:00.004-05:00

The checker plucked the pregnancy test out from between the English muffins and frozen broccoli and held it up in the air. Grinning, she said, "Are we hopeful?"

I stammered, surprised that she'd spoken at all. It was the first acknowledgement that we were even there at her register. I was taken aback by the comment about something as personal as a pregnancy test...would she had made a comment about a tube of KY? A package of Lotrimin? Isn't therer some sort of cas=hier rule about commenting on such purchases? As I struggled to think of something to say, our eyes met and held...me, an obviously exhausted 36-year-old mom with no make-up on and my hair in a knot at the back of my head, rounding out an already too-long day with a massive grocery shopping trip, a teenager in tow and a 9-month-old baby strapped to my chest...she, an obviously exhausted 50-something woman wearing too much too-dark make up and dyed, teased hair, giving off the "I'm single and trying desperately to look younger than I am" vibe. Her smile faltered as she realized that maybe I wasn't hopeful...maybe her question wouldn't be well-received. But it wasn't that...I just really didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I hoped. I really didn't think I was pregnant. I had no symptoms, no reason to think I was, except that Henry was 9 months old and my cycles still hadn't returned, and I was having a glass of wine the other night and thinking, "I should probably just make sure...." On one hand, I didn't really want to be pregnant...no yet, not so soon. On the other hand, if I was pregnant I would certainly get over the initial shock, and I would love and welcome another baby. But these thoughts were certainly too involved to share with a random cashier...though apparently it doesn't bother me to share it with all of you. I finally smiled and touched Henry's head and said in a light tone, "Oh, I guess it depends on when you ask me."

"Do you have others at home?" she asked, looking back at Maria who was busy unloading our second cart while I filled the first back up with sacked food. And thus began That Conversation, the one where I list my children and their ages, and yes, I do have my hands full, and no, we probably aren't done yet, God willing. And I really don't mind having those conversations. I realize we are kinda weird. As long as people aren't nasty about it, I don't mind,,,I don't mind because I've been there, I've had the one, two, three kids that absolutely tapped me out and wondered how people ever managed with more.

"Do you live in a big house?" she asked. I smiled, picturing our 2200 square foot perpetual fixer-upper. "No, not really. It felt huge when we moved in!" I said. "But we only had one child then."

"Your husband must make a lot of money, huh?" she asked. And I wasn't offended. She was just voicing what lots of people wonder, especially people who have such an intimate look at my hefty walmart bill. "Well, um,,,," I faltered...John, a nurse, probably did make a lot of money compared to what a walmart cashier makes, but still...to support all of us, we live simply and pinch every penny until it screams. It was enough, if we were careful, but it sure didn't feel like a lot...it must have shown on my face, or maybe I was visibly wincing as the grocery total climbed....

"Are you on WIC for that baby?" I shook my head, really wanting to put an end to this conversation now but unsure how. "Food stamps? Nothin'??" I just shook my head again, not wanting to go into how I felt about such programs, how I had been on them as a single mother putting myself through school and I would sooner live on beans and rice than subject myself to the humiliation of dealing with state social workers again, how I'm glad those programs exist for those who needed them, and I did need them back then, but I didn't need them now. I could make a lot more cuts to our lives before that became necessary, and to prove it to myself I mentally looked back over my purchases and tallied up how much I had spent on things we could have done without...smallish things, but it did add up. I knew how to live thriftily. My single-mom years had taught me that well.

"Well," she sighed as she gave me the total, now looking a little sorry for me,,it was steeper than usual, even for us..."come back through my line next time and let me know how it turns out! You'll be ok, either way." I smiled over Henry's head, knowing I would do no such thing, and said, "Have a good day."

Later, at home, I informed a disappointed Maria that the test was negative. I wasn't disappointed. I am still enjoying Henry and all his babyness, and still struggling too much with five children to really feel ready to handle nine months of pregnancy. But the cashier was right...I would have been ok. Either way. Because we are hopeful. I'm hopeful that we will continue to have the means to provide for more children in God's time, and if we find that we are losing that struggle, I'm hopeful that using Natural Family Planning will help us get through the rest of my fertile years. I'm hopeful that gas prices don't climb as high as they say they will, that I will find the energy to get me through two days of being snowed and iced in with a very wound-up Kain over his birthday tomorrow. I'm hopeful that I can keep a smile on my face and irritation out of my voice, hopeful that my children know that they are all wanted and all meant to be here, no matter how expensive groceries get and even if we do end up having to eat more beans and rice somewhere down the road. I'm hopeful that someday, after my children are raised, John and I will look back on our days of struggling to pay the bills and not regret the sacrifices to bring one more soul into the world. I'm hopeful we will remember the joy of these days filled with laundry piles and coffee filter snowflakes and grammar lessons over grilled cheese sandwiches.

Other Kain conversation

2011-01-27T12:09:00.002-05:00

Me- Kain, do you know where the band-aids are?

Kain- They should be in the medicine box on top of the fridge.

Me, holding the medicine box from the top of the fridge- Yes, I know where they are supposed to be. But they aren't here.

Kain- Well, they were there yesterday.

Me- What did you need band-aids for yesterday?

Kain- Because I was making something and couldn't find the tape.

I'm smarter than I look

2011-01-27T12:02:00.002-05:00

Me- So did you read Chapter 7?

Kain- Yep, I read it.

Me- Really? That was awfully quick! What was it about?

Kain- Jamestown.

Me- What about Jamestown?

Kain-Um...Jamestown. And Lord Baltimore.

Me, smelling a rat- Ok. What about Jamestown and Lord Baltimore?

Kain- I just told you! It was about Jamestown and Lord Baltimore!

Me- You didn't read the chapter, did you?

Kain- YES I DID! I JUST SAID IT WAS ABOUT JAMESTOWN AND LORD BALTIMORE!

Me- Uh huh. So, did you really read the chapter, or did you just look at it and pick out a name or two that you saw so that you could tell me what it was about in case I asked?

Kain....after a long silence and a blank stare- Can you repeat the question?

Tessie- at two and a half

2011-01-15T09:48:00.006-05:00

I never did post about Tessie's purse...you know, those bags I said she fills up with little goodies she snarfs up from around the house? This is actually her smallest purse, filled to the spilling point with treasures. The others are actually a backpack my mom gave her and a couple of bags that were actually Halloween trick or treating bags.

The contents, in case you can't tell them all...
-A velcro "turnip", from a set of sliceable velcro foods we have
-a plate from her tea set
-a salt shaker from her play kitchen
-some link-a-doos
-a small cardstock square we were using for some craft a while back
-a couple of alcohol wipes...we have tons of these, hazard of being married to a nurse
-one of Henry's spoons
-Henry's wrist rattle
-one of Jack's airplanes
-a velcro strawberry
-a pizza from her play kitchen
-a lacing circle from Jack's occupational therapy session
-a little toy that attaches to Henry's bouncy seat
-a pot holder from her play kitchen
-a couple of napkins leftover from Jack's birthday party (they were clean!)
-a dry erase marker
-a battery (yikes!)
-a stuffed carrot and tomato
-Jack's bulldozer
-a shape from Henry's shape sorter
-red crayon
-a coupon that was attached to some cookie dough Maria bought to make some cookies for our church's cookie walk,,,apparently the cashier didn't take it off

I had a really hard time taking this picture. She caught me halfway through emptying her purse and watched anxiously as I laid out the contents. Then she kept trying to grab her treasures back while I took the picture. As soon as I was done, we had to safely reload her things. (I palmed the battery though)

(Halloween)
Tessie...She was such a sweet and easy-going baby! Now, she's the two-est two year old in existance. Oh, don't get me wrong, she's still very, very sweet. But that girl...she keeps me hopping. She dearly loves to fingerpaint, and does, with any substance she can find. Vaseline...jelly...butter...peanut butter...dog food smooshed up in the water bowl...smooshed up tomatoes she's gotten off the counter...puddles of ookey stuff outside...even the contents of her diaper will do. Blech. All of these have been recent materials of hers. She dearly loves Henry and loves to feed him. Just watch out because she'll feed him anything! She's become absolutely insane to handle during mass and usually ends up in the narthex before it's over. Don't leave the front door open, because there's a little gap between the screen door and the floor, and she loves to see what she can push through there. If anything goes missing, check her little stashes...the other day I found my missing measuring spoons, several baby spoons, the dog leash, and Kain's missing packet of peppermint cocoa in her kitchen stove. She's a booger.

("loving" Henry)
Potty training...must we discuss it? We tried over summer break. We tried again over Christmas break. She knows how to do it, and she can do it. She just doesn't want to do it. I don't know why. Our last potty training day ended when she came up to me and wiped her poop-smeared hands on my pants. I found that she had copped a squat on the dining room table and painted herself, half of the table and Henry's high chair with poo. It took me an hour to get everything, and everyone, clean again. I hung up the potty chair for the rest of vacation. Maybe during Easter break.

(asleep in Henry's swing...she's used it more than he has!)
Oh, but she's awfully sweet. She reminds me so much of Maria at this age. She loves to dance, she loves to sing...she loves to sit on the counter and watch me cook. She loves to snuggle up and read picture books together...she'll even "read" them herself, squatting on the floor with a book and chattering nonsense as she flips the pages, then shouting loudly, "THE END!". She can count, and does, often..."One, two, fee, seven, eight, seven, eight, seven!" She loves to play with her baby dolls and she loves to follow me around and do whatever I'm doing...my big "helper", you know. In a typical girly way, she already loves to do "school" and is often sitting at our little preschool table with crayons and markers, drawing large, loopy scribbles on her paper. Her motor skills are already better than Jack's (his being quite delayed), and if you ask her to write some letters she will tighten up her pencil grip, frown in concentration, nd make little tiny chicken scratches on her paper. Her verbal skills are lagging just a bit. She speaks in single words mostly, sometimes short two or three word phrases. But still, in spite of her penchant for making messes, she is easier to handle in many ways than Jack was at this age just because she *does* understand what you want from her when you correct her. Now whether she chooses to do it or not....

(Yep. She still sucks those fingers.)

more on O Antiphon houses, and random thoughts

2010-12-28T08:40:00.003-05:00

Lisa asked about these, and I can't get the comment thingie to work for me. That stupid "word verification" thing won't show, and I can't figure it out. I think it's some sort of add on we lost in the computer cleansing. We've been finding lots of those. Anyway, here's a link to O Antiphon houses...

http://maryellenb.typepad.com/o_night_divine/celebrate-with-o-antiphons.html

Still working on getting to the craft store here. How did Christmas break become so busy? I think I'm less busy when we aren't on break. I need a break from break.

The dog is great. House breaking is going surprisingly well. We've had a few accidents, but he gets better every day. Our main problem right now is "mouthing"...when anyone goes to play with him, he wants to chew on their hands and feet. The little kids, of course, run away when he does this, which makes it even more of a game for him. Not sure what to do about this. We tell him no, and he is really persistent about it we put him in his crate until he calms down, but it's not helping much. I know he's just trying to play like puppies play with each other!

We are going to Silver Dollar City today! I know it will be cold, cold, cold, but they close on Thursday and John is off today, so it's kind of now or never. Wish us luck!

a new baby

2010-12-20T08:56:00.004-05:00

Haha! That got your attention, huh? Well, I hate to disappoint, but I didn't mean *that* kind of baby. I meant this kind!

Isn't he just precious? Shhhh...he's a secret. My parents got him for the kids as a Christmas gift, so he is still living at their house until Christmas Day. We've never had a dog together. The kids desperately want one. We put them off for years until we got a privacy fence built. Now that that is done, the pressure is on. And my Jack would so dearly love a dog to play with. My mom met one of this little guy's litter at someone's house and went to the shelter the next day to pick him up.

John and I haggled around all day yesterday trying to come up with a Christmas-y name. He didn't like "Nick" because we already have a family member with that name. He thought "Rudy" (like in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer) and "Manny" (like in Emmanuel) sounded like gangster names. Neither of us wanted anything too cutsey like "Kringle" or "Jingle" or "Blitzen". We both really wanted a name before the kids met him and insisted on naming him something like "Elmo" or "Justin Beeber". So, inspiration struck as I was looking around at our Christmas decorations, namely the Jesse tree.

"In that day the root of Jesse, who standeth for an ensign of the people, him the Gentiles shall beseech, and his sepulchre shall be glorious."

So, say hello to Jesse, our Christmas puppy...

back online

2010-12-19T08:51:00.002-05:00

Hello! I'm back! The computer has been salvaged, and the computer guy managed to save our documents and pictures, God love him. I had over a thousand emails in my inbox...yikes! I spent some time the first day scraping off spam and deleting junk and responding to urgent things...that cut the number of emails left by more than half. The rest I'm just slowly working through. I don't even want to talk about my google reader. Anyway...we are Advent-ing away here. I made some new Jesse tree ornaments and we are using lots of Jessica's ideas for daily Jesse tree snacks to go with our Bible readings. I really wanted to make an 'O' Antiphon house this year, again, but several attempts to get to the craft store were sabatoged. We are on our second virus since Advent started. I'm planning to go anyway soon and just buy the supplies and tuck them away with our decorations to assemble next year. I did get all my online shopping done and so now I am anxiously awaiting the "ups truck", as Jack calls it, hoping everything gets here on time. So, just wanted to say hi, and I'll be back with some Advent pictures soon.

HOW many shopping days until Christmas?

2010-12-14T08:33:00.000-05:00

The heat is on. I have purchased almost nothing for Christmas because I do most of my shopping online and I still have no computer. It was supposed to be back today. Now Compter Guy is saying tomorrow. I've never cut it so close!

unconnected

2010-12-06T08:53:00.000-05:00

computer down stop.no way to pay phone bill without computer stop.slowly losing all contact with outsside world stop. can only point and click through wii stop.will take unknown amounts of time and money to rid computer of nasty malware stop.hoping there is a special circle of hell for malware creator stop. ooops stop. i mean,may the light of christ's merciful heart shine upon their wretched souls stop. unless i lose my babies' pictures stop. then i'm going with that circle of hell thing stop.

mass fun

2010-11-29T06:48:00.000-05:00

Yesterday during mass, at the moment of elevation of the host no less, Jack announces rather loudly, "I smell a fart!" You have to know Jack to appreciate this. He wasn't giggling or being bad or anything. He just constantly comments on what's around him, very matter of factly, and that's what he had to say, right then. Kain proceeds to fall apart because, 1. Jack said "fart", and that is a really, really funny word and you can't possibly stay in control of yourself if someone says it, and 2. Kain was likely the one who actually dealt it, judging from his bright red face and embarassed expression. Maria is visiting her grandparents, so she wasn't there to help, and all of this happened while John was already in the back with another small child, I don't even remember which one now as both Henry and Tess were generally fussy and both had to be taken out at different points. It was quite a mass, even for us.

A belated Happy Thanksgiving, and more pictures

2010-11-28T08:04:00.004-05:00

Did you have a nice Thanksgiving? We met with my family, and while there was a smidge of the usual dysFUNction thrown in, overall it went nicely. My children behaved and took the holiday-ness in stride, so that always makes for a good day, hehe.

Here's some pictures from Jack's 6th birthday. It was a busy day! We went out to lunch at his favorite pizza place/playland place, and then to the insect festival at our state university. The entomology students put this on every year, but this is the first time we've gone.

Jack really liked it and talked about meeting these giant bugs all day.

Jack's presents...this wagon, and mostly legos in the boxes...I got some pictures of him unwrapping too, but he was standing up and only half-dressed (as usual), and well...they need to be edited a bit!

It's a Lego cake! Shut up! It's beautiful!

Happy Birthday sweet Jack-man! You are such a gentle, happy boy, you have such a great sense of humor, and you just melt my heart when you smile.

Advent OCD

2010-11-26T19:27:00.003-05:00

Jennie posted about how she bought extra Advent candles so that she can replace them anew each Sunday and all her candles would be the same length all of Advent. While I admire her own particular hang up, I have my own version...my Advent candles have to burn down in equal rations. I mark my candles (secretly, with a toothpick), dividing them up so that the first candle will be 1/4th of the way down by the second Sunday of Advent, then half gone by the 3rd Sunday, then 3/4 gone by the 4th Sunday, etc. I do the same with the other candles, adjusting as to when they will be lit.

I've always been bothered with the extra candle leftover though, and all leftover candles really. Some brilliant commenter on Jennie's site said she uses up partially burned candles during Lent. Eureka! I love it! Such penance! I picture my home full of mismatched, unlovely candles, the picture of Lenten thrift.

Any of your own OCD habits to share?

more pictures- late September/early October

2010-11-23T06:55:00.006-05:00

A very ripe banana...

...is a very good first food.

Our Letter B tea...cinnamon-sugar bagels

And berry punch. The big green box in the way contains Maria's lifelong collection of colored pencils.

Little snacks from the feast of the Guardian Angels.

H/T to Lacy at Catholic Icing. for this one!

Our church holds a pumpkin painting lunch every year.

Henry only watches the action from his car seat...

..but he has seasonal booties at least.

Jack detests getting his hands into the paint.

Tess....

...not so much..

Tess's finished blue/grey masterpiece.

Jack's...

Kain's...I'm pretty sure that's someone with some kind of inflicted injury...

Maria's tasteful stripes...very tasteful, in fact. We very recently baked a "dinner in a pumpkin" stew inside this one!

alone in a crowd

2010-11-22T21:20:00.003-05:00

I've been stewing over this post for quite a while. I hesitate to write it because, first, it's one of those things that is probably going to come out all wrong, and second, I don't always feel this way...

But I will just go ahead and say it. This life,,,this stay-at-home mom of little kids, homeschooling life that I love...this is a lonely life. I don't always feel lonely. Most of the time I would say I am too busy to really even think about it, and that I really would feel hard-pressed to find the time to nurture a close friendship right now anyway, that that kind of relationship with other adults was for a time in my past life, and probably will be for another time in the future, but it's not for now. I don't have time for long phone chats and lunches out. I don't even have time to shave. But still. Sometimes I miss it. Sometimes the loneliness of it all is crushing. Do I sound like a total dip?

John is my best friend. We talk, often. But, I am an extrovert married to an introvert. He just doesn't have the same need to connect as I do, not in the same way anyway. When life is stressful, I need to talk more and he needs to talk less. It's a less than ideal situation at times.

I belong to homeschool groups. When I go to activities, I spend all my time chasing my kids while they chase theirs. I have never been able to regularly attend mom's nights out and planning meetings and those sorts of things because I always have nursing babies and toddlers and a husband that works weird hours. I have a babysitting teenager who already babysits too much to depend on for such trifling things. I am blessed to be close to my mom and I talk to her daily...a link to the world outside my living room and very often the only adult conversation I have for days at a time. But I miss having regular contact with friends, I miss laughing over drinks and appetizers, I miss drinking too much coffee over a long heart to heart, I miss having lunch with people that I don't have to feed. I've filled the gap with online groups and forums, but now I barely have time to keep my inbox empty. I wake up with children in my bed, and go to sleep with children in my bed. I nurse babies in my sleep. I take showers with little heads peeping around the curtain and voices calling up the stairs. I'm never, ever alone. I'm so busy and I'm so surrounded by other people that I feel like crawling into a cave at times, and so who can be lonely in the middle of all of this crazy, people-filled chaos?

Oh, I'm not always lonely, not even close. Most days I'm just fine, really and truly. I'm happy, and I don't regret my choices, and I truly love spending every day with my children. I was a working mom, and it sucked. I know I'm blessed, enormously blessed, to be here surrounded by these sweet faces.

But some days...some days are different, you know? Some days I'm overwhelmed and stressed out and in tears much of the day over this and that, and my husband is absorbed in his own stuff and just doesn't get it, and I'm wishing then that I had someone to call, someone to say, "hey, I need to vent, let's meet for coffee", and then I regret all those almost-friendships I didn't take the time to nurture.

Eureka! Pictures!

2010-11-21T08:35:00.007-05:00

I found my camera! Huzzah!

I made such a display of emotion when I found it that I embarrassed Maria...she was on the phone with a friend. Can't be helped though. I was really starting to worry that it was gone for good. Sure enough though, I found it when we were cleaning. I was crawling around, digging out all the goodies that had traveled under the couch during the week, and found my camera under there. I have no idea why it was there.

Oh my goodness, so much to catch up on, so much...it's so tedious to upload and such, and my little kids are already awake and flocking, so how about just a few at a time....

going back as far as September!! Here's a blueberry cheesecake for the nativity of the Blessed Virgin...see how the sauce is kinda brown looking? There was cinnamon in it. But it was good! We set 10 candles in it and lit one at a time as we said a decade of the rosary. Then the kids sang happy birthday and blew them all out.

Jack working on his letter formation during our "A" unit.

We have letter boxes with little doodads beginning with the letter "A", and he lays them all out and names them.

Does it look like we're working on a bed? Because we are! We have taken to working at least some of the time on the open futon in the school room. It has high ends and is up against a wall, so by laying a couple of pillows on the one open end we effectively have a giant play yard for Henry. I will often sit there with Henry and another child to do some work.

It works nicely...at least until he starts crawling!

Illustrating a Bible narration....notice that terrible pencil grip! It's so hard to get him to put pencil to paper at all though that I'm not frustrating him by correcting his grip at this point. His therapist will work on that and give me some tips soon I'm sure.

Baseball pics...

Tess and Henry waiting out the hot game day.

Baseball cookies after the first game.

and also cross cookies for the feast of the Holy Cross. We had a cookie hunt. Most of the cookies looked like this....

Except for the true cross, wrapped in plastic wrap, that looked like this....

The kids hunted for cookie crosses, a la St. Helena and the search for the true cross, and Jack found the "true cross". Then we decorated the rest too, because, you know, you have to be "fair".

A cake for the feast of the Seven Sorrows of Mary. Maria decorated it and put the swords in all straight up and down, which wasn't quite what I was going for, hehe...

We eat a lot of crap, huh? Such is the burden of being Catholic. We bear it bravely. To be fair, a cake divided between all of us is not so much per person, and we take at least two tea times to finish it. Sometimes I send leftovers to work with John. And the cookies were actually one batch of sugar cookie dough that I divided up to use for both the baseball cookies and the cross cookies. And some months are just heavy in feast days too...and some months I'm more motivated to celebrate every durned thing. And we make up for it during Lent. There, feel better? I know I do...

Ok, here's Henry at 5 months...asleep...

and awake!

And Tess with her very first pigtails. :)It is a source of heated debate what to do with her hair. The bangs are way long now and she looks like a sheep dog. I am not sure whether to cave and cut them again or suffer through growing them out.

Excuse all the junk at the top of the stairs. We have been in transition working on this living room for ages. But! Trumpets please! John finished cutting up carpet for me last week, and Maria and I moved stuff around and cleaned area rugs and everything is all put back together again, yay!
More tomorrow!

and the last bit of updating....

2010-11-20T08:50:00.003-05:00

We have our bird feeder loaded up and hanging outside our kitchen window. It's a great place for it. It's busy there, both the feeder and our kitchen. The birds are always shy at first but they soon learn to ignore us and I smile every time I see them there...lots of robins right now, chickadees, a purple finch, a few sparrows...we have a pair of cardinals that I love to see every year. So far I have seen the female, but I haven't seen her mate. This is unusual because they are always together.

So, let's see...next up is Tessie. She's 2 1/2 now. We took a crack at potty training before our new school year started and it failed miserably. Oh, she could do it. She knows when she needs to go. When we tried potty training, I bought some pretty panties to put on her and told her to keep them dry. So when she needed to go, she would take them off and pee on the floor! The idea of sitting on the potty seriously freaked her out though. So, we just backed off and put the diapers back on her. We're reading potty books and watching potty movies and talking about using the potty, but that's it. I think we'll try again over Christmas break.

Tess was such an easy, sweet baby. She is definitely a firecracker now though! But still, she's not a terror or anything. She's just two. She's very sweet and funny, really just a lot of fun to have around. She's always been a big Daddy's girl, but the last few weeks she seems to have suddenly realized that we have a new baby around, so now she's all about Momma. I'm not sure why things changed...maybe because Henry is older and seems more like an actual person to her? But she's a bit insecure right now. She's my little shadow, often right behind me imitating whatever I'm doing. So I'm spending extra time with her and making sure we get plenty of snuggle time and hoping she will learn that she is still my sweet baby girl. In spite of it all, she seems to love Henry and is always very sweet to him, snuggling him up to her and saying, "My sweetie, my sweetie", :).

Tess reminds me a lot of Maria at that age. She loves music and loves to dance. She is watching the Wiggles right now and dancing along in front of the screen. She also likes Signing Time and has learned quite a few signs already. She loves going to story time at the library. She loves books and will often collect a stack of them and then sit down and thumb through them, "reading" to herself. One of her favorite things to do is to go outside and play in the yard, so I try to do that a couple of times a day. Often I will send Maria outside for the morning outside time (much to Maria's irritation) and then I'll go out in the afternoon. Kain loves to go outside and is always up for playing with anyone, but he's not quite ready to be responsible for Tess in the yard...too distractable. Maybe when she's a little bit older.

The quirkiest thing about Tess right now is her stashing. She has these little hoards all over the house. She collects random little bits of things from all over and hides them in a cabinet or corner, or in her purse. She's quite obsessed with her purse and spends a lot of time filling it up with treasures, emptying it out and laying out the contents carefully, then gathering it all back up again. There was a little meme going around recently in which you were supposed to empty your purse or diaper bag and take a picture of the contents. I'm so messy that this would probably be very funny, but I had actually just cleaned out my diaper bag and so there wasn't anything unusual in it at that particular time. Instead I emptied Tessie's purse and took a picture of that...it was hysterical! And now my camera's missing....sniff...

Ok,,,,last but certainly not least, Mr. Henry! Gosh, I wish I could post some pictures!! Maybe the camera will turn up in our weekend cleaning. Anyway, Henry is almost seven months old now. He's already got four big ole teeth! He cut his first tooth at four months, much earlier than any of the others! He's so much fun...he jabbers and play with toys and scootches all over the floor. He's always very happy and rarely cries. He loves all the other kids and watches them play, and you can tell he can't wait to get down there and join in. He's still very long...we recently had his six month check up and he was in the 95th percentile for length! But only the 40th or so for weight...long and a bit skinny. You wouldn't know it to see him fully dressed because he's got big fat cheeks, but he is a bit thin further down, at least compared to the rest of my chunky monkeys. But it's not a concern...he's gaining well enough and nursing very well, and he actually is eating baby food,,,my first baby to do so. The others never really got past the sampling stage with the baby food, but he really likes it so far. He's got next to no hair and looks rather like Elmer Fudd...hehe....big round face and head, no hair....

Here you go...a picture of Henry...heehee...

The doctor said that his muscle tone is still noticeably low, but not terrible, and he's meeting all of his milestones. She said she would refer us for a PT evaluation but that she was comfortable waiting if we wanted to wait. I tell you, it was Jack all over again! I mean, at every well child visit they would say that exact same thing! Not for PT, but for speech therapy. But really, what's the point in a PT evaluation if he's meeting his milestones? He sits up, he rolls easily, he's scootching...I don't know, I just don't see the point right now. But I've been in a bit of a panic over it ever since, because how I wish I had taken them up on having Jack evaluated earlier. And so if it is still an issue at his nine month check up, I think I will take her up on it. After all, what can an evaluation hurt? If they say, "Nope, he's perfectly fine", well then, that would be nice to hear for a change, huh? And if he does need some therapy, better to start early.

We are still in liver limbo with Henry. They attempted to recheck his liver enzymes last week but the phlebotomist couldn't get any blood after two sticks so we are going back to try again next week. Every time they check his enzymes are better...but they are not down to normal yet. Every disorder they have tested him for has come back negative. He still shows no other signs of any liver problems...no inflammation, no jaundice, nothing like that. So, we are still praying that his enzymes will return to normal and this will all be done with.

Ok, I've got to run. It's getting so late! We are meeting with Kain's cub scout pack to design a float for the Christmas parade. John is working, so I've got to take him. Hope it's not too cold out there!

update, part 2, no pics

2010-11-19T08:00:00.003-05:00

My camera is still missing. I'm really bummed. I'm starting to wonder if it's not lost in the big world somewhere. I don't remember the last time I used it. I know we had it on Halloween, but it's been around the house since then. Surely it's around here somewhere....

Anyway, I'll carry bravely on.....updates....

Jack- Jack turned six years old in October! He is doing really well. He's improved in so many ways. He can communicate so much better, he can answer questions decently most of the time and has such a goofy sense of humor. He's very smart and loves silly word puns, that kind of humor, and it's so fun to make a little crack about something and see if he gets it. He usually does. He doesn't really like going to therapy much anymore. I think he loves his therapists, but it's hard work now and he'd just rather stay home and play. We had this conversation recently....

Jack, in his slow and careful way of speaking-"Therapy is harder than it looks."
Me- "What is hard for you to do?"
Jack- "Double meanings are hard."
Me- "You mean like 'butterflies in your stomach'? Is that a double meaning?"
Jack, smiling- "No, that's an idiom! Butterflies in your stomach...does that mean that you are nervous, or that you had butterflies for lunch?" (giggling now because he knows the answer)
Me- "Ok, so what's a double meaning?"
Jack- "Earth is a double meaning."
Me- "What does earth mean?"
Jack- "Is earth our planet that we live on, or our the dirt in the yard?"

He still reads all the time and especially still loves the DK Eyewitness books. I recently took him for his 6 year well child visit and he prattled on and on (as he does when he's nervous) about Pluto and windy Neptune and Jupiter's moons. He's blowing through the kindergarten work in most areas, but he struggles a lot with the Bible narrations. His speech therapist is helping with this, doing sequencing cards and story predictions and that sort of thing with him. He's very distractable and often the hardest part is just getting him to sit still and listen to the story! This is one of the saddest issues for me, and other than the eye contact issue is one of the ways I *know* Jack has declined into autism. From the time he was a toddler, Jack *loved* being read to. He would bring me books all day long and would sit and listen happily for as long as I was willing to read. I remember stopping my work in the kitchen and sitting down on the kitchen floor to read him a story. Now it is very difficult most of the time to get him to pay attention to a read aloud. If I can get him to sit still next to me at all, he usually chatters to himself about some unrelated topic the whole time. Every once in a while I find a book that grabs him. We read "Make Way for Ducklings" during our "B is for Birds" study and he was utterly charmed and sat through that long book several times. But usually it is very difficult to keep his attention.

He also still struggles with writing and will for some time. He has been receiving occupational therapy and can very, very slowly and carefully write a handful of capital letters. That's big progress! But still,,,his skills in this area are probably on about the level of your average three year old. We have been practicing with a Magnadoodle board because that surface is much easier for him to write on than paper.

Other than the four hours a week of speech and OT, we haven't made much progress in pursuing other treatments. Attempts to broaden his dietary horizon so that we can try the gluten/casein free diet have failed miserably. If anything, he continues to get more picky and his growth curve has dropped off dramatically. He used to be around the 60th percentile and now his height is around the 25th percentile. This was especially obvious when I broke out cold weather clothes....he is wearing the same sized pants as last year! His calorie intake is fine, he's not underweight, but he eats such a limited diet, more limited than ever. He basically lives on string cheese, milk, crackers, apples, bananas, and grapes. Sometimes he will eat some fish sticks, chicken nuggets, or hot dogs. I know these are not very healthy, but it is the closest thing to meat that he will eat and I buy the healthiest versions of these that I can find. He eats no real meat, eggs, no beans, not even peanut butter anymore. He'll eat junk food...pizza and McDonald's and ice cream and such, but of course I don't want him eating a bunch of that! He does take a multivitamin. Mostly I'm worried about his protein intake. Oh, he gets plenty of actual grams of protein I guess from all the milk and cheese. But different forms of protein supply different amino acids, and he gets pretty much all of his protein from milk products. The pediatrician recommended putting him on Pediasure once a day, so my new morning job is to get the shake down him while keeping it away from Tess...she's more than happy to help him drink it if she can!

One issue that keeps popping up with Jack is safety. This is common, I guess, with special needs kids. They get older and better able to outsmart child-proofing measures, but they still lack any judgement at all. Our most recent issue has been that when Jack wants to go outside he will open the play room window and just go on out. See, we have child-proofed the doors and he still can't figure out how to get those open. He doesn't like to ask us if he can go out because we might say no, or at the very least we will slow him down by making him put on socks and shoes (or pants,,,he often has cast those off), so he finds it faster just to open the window and climb out. That particular window overlooks the deck, so it's not high up or anything. The locks don't stop him. We haven't been able to find any latch or lock that fits our window or devise anything that he can't figure out. Because it's now so cold and dark so early, and because lack of pants or daylight doesn't phase him any, John has duck-taped the window shut from the outside. It is quite the white trash addition to the house, let me tell you. Still, it's not quite so trashy as finding your nearly naked 6 year old on the trampoline when it's 45 degress outside. We are still looking for better alternatives to the duck tape though.

In many ways, Jack seems more autistic as he gets older, even as he makes great improvements in many areas. The differences between him and other kids just are more apparent the older he gets, especially in the area of "oddities"...little mannerisms and behaviors that he exhibits...crying with any correction that you make, hitting himself in the head when he's upset, laughing inappropriately, repetitive speech. I find myself worrying a lot about his future. He has very poor social abilities as far as interacting with other children, and unlike Kain, he doesn't care. He has no interest in other children at all, at least outside of our home. He does play with Kain and his siblings quite well. One of his therapists has recommended calling the school district for additional speech therapy. They do it in small groups and she thinks this would be good for him, so I will check into that after Thanksgiving. I would love to find a social skills group for him but haven't been able to find one so far. It's frustrating.

Anyway...I think I will stop here and continue with Tess and Henry updates next time. Again I've developed keyboard diarrhea and this post is quite long enough!

an update, and pictures, part 1 of 2

2010-11-10T07:46:00.008-05:00

So, since it's been a while, how about a person by person update...I'll just pop in some favorite pictures that we've taken during my, erm, sabbatical...
(*updated to add...camera MIA. Recent pictures unavailable. SIGH. I've put in some pictures from last summer's trip to The Magic House,just for funsies.) (They are pretty much just of the little people though since the big two were off on their own.)

Let's start from the top, shall we? Oldest to youngest?

John switched jobs recently. It was all very well coordinated and painless really. He had been working full time at a local hospital for years and PRN at an inpatient hospice. Well, he basically just switched those around. Now he's working full time at the hospice and PRN at the hospital. It's been a good change of pace for him and I think he's happy. The new job is closer to home and he tends to not get out as late in general, so I'm happy. He's running along with his ham radio hobby and just built his first antennae. I don't really get the ham radio thing myself, but I'm glad he has a hobby and maybe the kids will get involved in it with him sometime down the road.

Me...I'm next. What can I say? I homeschool, I nurse babies, I change lots (and lots) of diapers, I fold laundry and plan meals, pretty much what I was doing when I left off a couple of months ago! It's sweet and contentment-filled some days...overwhelming and angst-filled on other days. We are moving veeeerrryyyy slowly down that Alphabet Path. We have just finished up letter B! I refuse to get agitated about this because this was always supposed to be supplementary and fun. I'm going to try to move through C and D a little quicker, but with the holidays coming...no promises. For November and All Saints we are working our way through set #2 of Holy Traders. Two years ago we did set #1. Last year we didn't do any. I don't remember why, except that I was early pregnant with Henry and probably barely dragging myself through the day. Every day we read a card and I give Kain and Maria that card for their album. There's 25 cards in a pack, so it takes us all of November (at least) to get through a pack. I'm also working on some Advent plans. We will be doing Holy Hereos Advent Adventures for the first time, and that combined with read-alouds from our Advent books will probably be enough.

Maria- Please gather around for a shocking announcement.

Maria turned 14 in September.

I know, I know. It surprised me too. What can you do? What is so odd to me is that I remember being 14 *really, really* well. It's all a little surreal having a daughter this age. It's like being in some kind of flashback sequence at times, like, "Oh yeah, I remember going through life painstakingly avoiding drawing attention to myself because I was certain everyone was watching and critiquing every move I made. And aren't you glad you don't have to live in that mindset anymore?" So at 14 Maria is sweet (most all the time) and responsible (pretty much) and absolutely gorgeous beyond all reason, which is a giant cross for John and I to bear, let me tell you. There's nothing quite like moving through life to the point when you are in the mall and the men are checking out your DAUGHTER. Last year it seemed to be just the creepy types that were doing this, but now it's even the average-seeming guys. The difference is in the face of the one doing the looking. I look up to find the creepy guys still leering. The other guys don't seem to realize that they are looking until they see *me* looking at *them* looking at my *underage, still-young-enough-to-have dolls-in-her-bedroom-child*, and then they look *guilty and embarrassed*. At least they have the grace to look embarrassed. But the embarassment gives them away. If they were looking at her thinking "Oh, what a charming child!", they would not look embarassed, correct? Anyway. Ahem. This was about Maria, not my own neuroses, right?

Maria has grown a lot in her school work since last year. We are working hard on her writing and spelling issues and there is good progress there. But I don't see a lot of post high school education for this one. We are starting to talk about such things, and she doesn't really know what she wants to do after she graduates, but we all know that she does not like school. At all. None of it. She says she wants to work with animals, and she wants to get married and have children, and she wants to collect stuff to supply her constant stream of art projects.

She's got an Irish dance competition coming up on Saturday, and she's entering the art competition there for the first time. She's made a bodhran, or Irish drum, from a hat box. I'll post pictures of that after this weekend. It came out well, and she's hoping to place well with it. I don't think she'll have a problem placing, there won't be much competition for one thing, but I hope she does well too. It would mean a lot to her.

She's also very involved in everything going on at church. She's started our parish's two-year confirmation prep program, as well as attending the regular junior-high classes, and she's singing in the Life Teen band. She's always been very extroverted and busy, this one.

Ok, next up is Kain- Kain has joined Cub Scouts this year. He's a first year Webelo, and if you don't know what that means don't feel bad. Neither did I. Scouts is a culture all it's own, that's for sure, and we are catching up fast. It's a family affair, and he and John have been spending more time together as a result. I think good things will come of that. Anyway, Webelo is an acronym that stands for "We'll Be Loyal Scouts". It's fourth and fifth grade boys making the transition from cub scouts to boy scouts.

Kain and Jack both played Miracle League baseball this fall. That was a blast. The boys loved it, and it was so nice to see them feel successful at something. Just a very positive and fun experience. They will be starting up again in the spring.

We are realizing as Kain gets older that his delays are more profound than we thought. We knew there were speech and motor issues in the beginning, and he's finished therapy for those. And there's the bipolar/ADHD diagnoses and all that goes with them. But he's also just been very slow to develop in certain ways that are hard to pinpoint. There's just things that he doesn't *get* that he should by now it seems. It's hard to describe. All I can really give are examples, which are always just kind of a snapshot and don't really show the whole picture of what he's like. He's overall very, very immature, and because of this he never makes friends his own age. He doesn't fit in with kids his own age, they think he's weird, and he always ends up with kids that are 7 or 8 years old. It's good at least that homeschooling allows for this, since everything we go to has kids of all ages. Other things....the Miracle League thing. This is a special needs baseball league. Many of the children playing are profoundly disabled...in wheelchairs and such...or having significant cognitive issues, like Jack. Kain's issues are more subtle, and I probably wouldn't have ever thought to put him in something like this except that Jack was playing anyway. When I registered him, I wondered how he would take it, if he would ask why I had signed him up to play on this kind of team, or why so many of the kids were in wheelchairs, etc. He never said a word. Never questioned it at all. A "normal" 10 year old would, don't you think?

There are other examples...he has an exceedingly poor memory, more than just the ADHD "spaciness", and a very poor concept of time. Just lots of little niggling things that I want explained. If it's one thing I've learned with Jack, it's to trust myself when I think something is not right, even if I can't pinpoint it very well. Having more labels attached may not seem helpful, but we are enrolling in Mother of Divine Grace next year and getting a special ed. consultant for him. Having a current evaluation will be helpful in communicating what he needs.

We are going to have him re-evaluated. When he first moved here, we had this intensive all day long evaluation done. At the time he was *so* unbelievably hyperactive. He literally could not even stay in a chair for more than a few minutes at a time. We would walk down a hallway and he would run into walls. On purpose. He was a mess in every way, and I think more subtle delays would have been difficult to see. So I think we need another look.

He has his own strengths, of course. He likes to read, and he loves history. Outside of the more tedious subjects like math and grammar, he does enjoy school. He is surprisingly sweet and gentle with the younger kids, though he and Maria fight like insane people. He biggest strength is his willingness to try. He is always willing to listen and take advice and at least try to do better. He *wants* to do better. That doesn't always translate into *doing better*, but the desire is there, and that's half the battle I guess.

I am always concerned about him in social situations like Boy Scouts because he has such a difficult time. He's very immature and his social skills are pretty poor, especially when he's nervous. He's shy and self-conscious, which ironically translates into acting out and being goofy and drawing attention to himself. He doesn't give a very good impression of himself, to say the least. Recently we went up to the scoutmaster of the big boy scouts after mass to buy tickets to an upcoming spaghetti dinner fundraiser. I told the scoutmaster that Kain was in Webelos, and he said something to Kain about joining the den there at our church when he was old enough. Kain made some really odd, weird comment, I don't even remember what it was now, and I saw the man's face harden and close. He comes across and rude and sarcastic because he doesn't know what to say to people, so he usually tries to be funny, but it's not funny. It's just rude and sarcastic. So I've decided we need to actively practice how to meet people and say appropriate things.

I'm going to drop off here and make this a two part post I think. It's already crazy-long, and I still have three more kids to go! It's getting late into the morning and I've got to get our day going. And hopefully by then my camera will have turned up!

um....hello?

2010-10-30T08:01:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted in over a month! I'm not even really sure how that happened! Well, I do know how that happened, I just can't believe it's been so long already. I only really have computer time early in the morning before my gang starts waking up, you see. And well...my gang wakes up early...at least the little people wake up early, and so my computer time has been barely enough to keep up with my inbox. There's just no other computer time for me in the day. Trying to write while all the kids are milling around is just pretty much impossible, plus it gives me a major guilt complex. The big kids already help enough with the littles just so we can get through the school day. And I go to bed early with the littles. So it's kind of now or never. So, I have about an hour to catch up on email and do any blog reading and blog writing I'm going to do. And often even that hour is with company. Jack, for example, just came staggering sleep-drunk out of bed and said, "Ask me what's wrong." I said, "What's wrong Jack?" "I need some milk," he said. So I got him some milk, and came back to the computer, and then he came back to me and said, "Where do nightmares live?" lol....

So much has happened that I haven't blogged about....Maria's 14th birthday...and Jack's 6th birthday...and my 35th birthday!....this is birthday season at our house. Henry is SIX months old now and has two big ole teeth. We are wrapping up the letter B on the alphabet path. I told you I was going to do this slowly! I'd planned to be further along by now, but my priority has to be on keeping the bigger kids up on their school work, and we've had a busy month. We've had several field trips and even our first (minor) virus blow through the house. Still, I miss blogging and really want to make an effort to get back on here, even briefly. Of course I have tons of pictures and can't even begin to post all of those I want.

We have had a fun Halloween thus far. I know, it's tomorrow! But we've done a lot already! Maria is a zombie prom queen this year. Funny story there...we bought a lovely lavender formal dress for $9 at Goodwill. It fits her nicely but has spaghetti straps and way too much cleavage. So, we made a sash out of a white sheet...we ironed the words "Prom Queen on it and artfully pinned it to her dress to cover all of the,,,issues. She added a freaky wig, a broken tiara, and death make up. It's quite a sight. Kain is Calvin this year, as in from Calvin and Hobbes. We striped his red t-shirt with black duck tape, spiked his hair, and gave him a stuffed tiger. Jack is a baseball player...we made double use of his Miracle League uniform. Tess is a Halloween butterfly, or fairy, or something, I'm not sure which really. I couldn't figure out what to do for her, and time was running out, so we picked up this frilly orange and black skirt and wing set at Wally World and matched them with black tights and a black leotard. She's very cute. And Henry is wearing a jack-o-lantern sleeper I picked up when Jack was a baby. Wednesday was our church's party, and we came home to have mummy hot dogs and frito pie for dinner. John is off on Sunday and he will get trick or treating detail.

Yesterday was our homeschool group's All Saints' Day party. We were *really* pressed for time there. I couldn't get anyone to focus on costumes ahead of time and no one could make a decision. Maria ended up as St. Anne, with Tess as her little daughter Mary. Jack again wore the baseball uniform,,,I was going to have him go as the patron Saint of baseball, but imagine my surprise to find out at the last minute that the patron Saint of baseball is St. Rita! Thankfully someone suggested St. Sebastian, the patron of athletes...so that worked out well enough in the end. Kain went as St. Kevin, someone we learned about just recently from this sweet book. After failed attempts to pull off a last minute robe from some brown fabric I picked up on the cheap, we finally ended up artfully draping and safety pinning him into it and giving him a small basket of plastic birds for his bird's nest prop.

Ok, I'd better go for now. I'm going to try really, really hard to get back this weekend with some pictures. Just wanted to reassure everyone that nothing terrible has happened, we are all doing quite well, very busy but with good things.

Random happenings

2010-09-17T06:39:00.004-04:00

The boys are gone. Kain and Jack are visiting my parents for a few days. It is very quiet around here. Jack has never been away overnight before except out of necessity when Tess and Henry were born. We finally decided he was ready and would probably handle it ok. So far it's going well. But I sure do miss him.

The boys are playing baseball with the Miracle League. What a wonderful organization. Oh my goodness. They are on the same team, the Cubs. This is a big deal in our house...they are both so excited. I tried hard not to cry like a big ole dork during their first game. We are not really into sports a whole bunch around here, but it has been such a good thing for Jack to get to do this. Kain too...he has played some sports with Upward in the past, and it was a good experience, but he just got old enough that he was feeling self-conscious about the fact that he doesn't play as well as the other kids (really...like he was always the worst one on the team by far), and he decided last year that he didn't want to play anymore. Miracle League is different. I mean, no one plays very well, and no one cares. It's just all about having fun. Everyone gets to bat, everyone gets to run the bases. Jack even got to pitch! There are no foul balls, no one is tagged out. They just play. They are all assigned a "buddy" that plays along side them and kind of coaches them one on one throughout the game. This is very needed for Jack...every time he hit the ball he would run straight down the field with the baseball bat still in his hand, hehe. He kept saying, "Did I get a HOME RUN Mom?"

Did I mention I miss Jack?

Henry will be five months old in a few days. FIVE MONTHS OLD! Sigh. Oh, he's so sweet and so much fun. Full of personality now, and so interested in everything around him. My new Ergo carrier came in the mail the other day and so far I really like it. So does he. He feels very secure and my hands are totally free while he's in it. I haven't tried the back carry yet, but I will when I clean this weekend!

We are reaching Birthday Time in our family. Maria turned 14 this month! (more to come on that one) That is so weird to me. I remember being 14 so clearly. My dad and brother have their birthdays at the end of this month, and then Jack and I have birthdays in October. Jack says he wants "all the Lego vehicles" for his birthday. All of them. Hmmm.

I'm off to finish making my grocery list. John is off today, so Maria and I are going grocery shopping and also buying new Irish dance shoes for her crazy growing feet.

my Latin scholar

2010-09-08T08:42:00.002-04:00

I found this written by Kain...he's only been taking Latin for a few weeks, but he's quite taken with it and apparently looked up these words in the glossary in the back of his book because he wanted to write something in Latin.

"Bellum,i aeternus,a contra Roma. moneo bellam,i pugna,ae."

The translation, loosely...

"Eternal war against Rome. I warn of war and fighting."

The reason for all the commas? Well, when you look a word up in the glossary, that's how they are listed, with a couple of the case endings. He doesn't know what those are yet, so he thought it was part of the word I guess. :)

August, and A week on the Alphabet Path

2010-09-05T08:05:00.007-04:00

Hi, remember me?
I'm still here, getting our school year started. Computer time is hard to come by lately...you should see my inbox! I really really really want a laptop, ok?

Here's a mess of pics from our first few weeks of school....
"A" is for...

Apples, Angels, Airplanes, the Assumption, Angelina Ballerina, and our author of the month, Alan Say.

Kain's doing the geography path and read about America and Alaska this month.

Some of Maria's school books, just for fun.

Amazing Keva and clay creations

And making a letter A apple pie! I love to bake, but I took shortcuts for Jack's short attention span and used can filling and a pre-made crust this time.

Our school year has started pretty well. We've had some curve balls, small ones...Jack and Tess have passed two different viruses around. Maria had a terrible sunburn that left her miserable and rather uncooperative for a couple of days. The van was down for a few days, which meant I had to get up and drive John to work and then pick him back up. Such is life. Very few days go like they are "supposed to". Henry also wants to be held *constantly* and doesn't nap as well as he used to. He's not cranky, really. He's a very happy guy....as long as you are holding him! :) I think it's because he's getting older. He just wants to see everyone and be a part of everything. We are on track with our lesson plans, but behind on the alphabet path...we still haven't quite finished up our A stuff, but we will in the next day or so. We have a few read alouds left, as well as some Angel Airplanes and maybe a trip to a u-pick farm to pick apples! I also wish I had more pictures....I need to break out my camera more. I missed our Assumption pictures...we made homemade vanilla pudding with blueberries on top! Jack, all the kids, really, loved the Alphabet Path fairy stories and can't wait for the next installment. I had plans to make Jessica's painted saint dolls and even ordered some supplies, but I decided to wait and do it when Tess is a little older. Jack really isn't going to care about them. But Tess will love them!

Ok, I've got to run....a few more minutes shoveling out my inbox, maybe a bit of reading on my google reader, and then it's time to wake the masses for mass!

**update...make that three viruses. Jack woke up this morning and threw up. It's been downhill ever since! (sigh)

Things they say

2010-08-13T09:02:00.000-04:00

Tess- bringing me a heavily spotted banana- "Ew! It's a mess, Mommy!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me- Don't you love your sister?

Jack- Not really.

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Maria- Doesn't Grandmom have a computer?

Me- Grandmom doesn't even have an ATM card.

Maria- How does she get money?

Me- She goes into the bank.

Maria- You can do that?

Henry rolls over

2010-08-12T19:12:00.001-04:00

Videography by Maria

The plan for Maria

2010-08-10T06:53:00.005-04:00

Oh, you should see my google reader...I'm way behind on reading other blogs because I've been spending my little computer time writing in mine! But I'm almost done here...

Maria is in 8th grade this year. Oh my goodness. Eighth grade. I remember eighth grade so well. Starting a fire in Mrs. Silvas' physical science lab...barely making the audition cut to be in the show choir...that crazy mean girl who used to stalk my best friend and I and tell us she was going to beat us up for no apparent reason...anyone remember wearing Eastland loafers with two pairs of different colored socks? Remember rolling the cuffs of your pants? hehe.... Oh my goodness. I heard Guns and Roses on and oldies station a few weeks ago. An OLDIES STATION people. That's not possible! Oldies stations play the music my mother grew up with! If they start putting the music *I* grew up with on oldies stations, then were will they play the music *she* grew up with? Because, for heaven's sake, surely they will not put Guns and Roses on the same station with Engelbert Humperdinck!

"I'll dance the laaast waaaaaltz with you.....
Two lonely people together...."

Ok, anywho, back to planning....
Maria has been doing well in school. Writing and spelling remain her hardest subject,,,which makes sense with the whole dyslexia thing, huh? Still, she can follow the Mother of Divine Grace 8th grade syllabus pretty closely.

Religion- She's using the 8th grade Faith and Life book, Our Life in the Church, with a special focus on confirmation preparation. She will also continue to study and memorize the Baltimore Catechism. Religion looks like it is her main writing subject too this year. MODG doesn't teach a separate writing course. Instead, writing is woven into the other subjects, usually one subject in particular each year.

Math- We're using Saxon 87, which is a thorough review of basic math as well as a pre-algebra course. We're also using Saxon Teacher for the first time this year. So far this has been a wonderful timesaver for me!

Grammar- Easy Grammar Plus

Spelling- Oh. It's atrocious. We are trying All About Spelling this year...our fourth program and last ditch effort to get her skill level up.

History- Medieval History-the time right after the fall of the Roman Empire-this year with The Story of the Church, The Old World and America, and a slew of supplemental texts like Fingal's Quest and Augustine Came to Kent. On a related note, geography study will focus on Europe too. We are also trying in earnest to finish up our wall timeline. It looks so neat! And she's enjoying it too, which is nice because she doesn't like history much.

Science- Our last year using the Concepts and Challenges series...this year is the physical science book.

Latin- Our Roman Roots...we have been using Latin Christiana, but in a spotty way, hit or miss....I'm going to try something different with her this year. It was kind of impulsive, I have no idea how it'll work out!

Poetry- Shakespeare again this year. She is currently reading Macbeth. Next is The Merchant of Venice.

Art- Seton's 8th grade Art Through Faith series. I love this series. Love. It's just lovely.

Music- 100 Masterpieces of Classical Music

We are having some reality checking this year too,,,looking into Maria's future plans. She has always said she wants to work on an animal reserve, which is great, except we've found that you have to have masters degrees, usually, to work in these places. Maria doesn't want to go to school that long. She loves animals and wants to work with them in some way. So, we will explore that. We're starting to look into colleges as well. We would of course like a good Catholic college. But we may go the community college route for the first two years. She wants to stay close to home longer. That may change though in the next five years.

mostly wordless Wednesday

2010-08-07T15:05:00.006-04:00

I got all of us out the door EARLY for the first day of Maria's dance camp and said I deserved a medal. Maria made me this one.

Pictures from our family reunion trip to St. Louis, and a visit to the Magic House...

First day of school fun...

I always buy some extra books from my wish list, and new school supplies of course, some fun extras related to our studies, and....new socks and underwear for all the kids. Weird, right? Isn't it odd how some things become a tradition? The kids also always get a cutsie new notebook just for doodling and journaling. They really love this for some reason. Even Tess got her own this year,..hers is that one with the puppy on the cover,,,and she has been quite busy filling it in with scribbles from her new crayons.

Check out these goofy looking "pencils" we had at lunch, hehe...

Our first day, and plans for Kain

2010-08-07T11:14:00.003-04:00

Oy. I make plans and God laughs, right?

We tried hard to have our first couple of days last week. But three of the five kids have been ill to various degrees. Kain started it with a low grade temp and a junky cough. He never got above 99 degrees though and it was short-lived. Then Tess had diarrhea with a low temp and mucho crankiness. I spent two days just sitting on the couch holding her, when I wasn't nursing Henry. Though I did occasionally do both at the same time! Now Jack is sick, and he's the worst...103 fever, lots of vomiting. Yesterday he couldn't even keep water down. Today he seems better, so far. We'll see. Any more vomiting or fever and I'll be missing mass tomorrow....

Ok, so, plans for Kain. Kain is slowly rejoining us from the day treatment facility. He was home Wednesday and Friday of last week, and he will do that again this week. They will increase his days at home each week after that until he is home five days a week and then he will be discharged. This is providing all goes well of course. So, since he was especially home with us on Wednesday and Friday to start school, I felt like I should get started as best I could. Our first day is mostly fun stuff anyway. I filled the dining room table back-to-school fun stuff for them to find at breakfast. We played with the new goodies and I met with each child for their first-day-of-school interviews, and we talked about their new year. It was also Jack's name day, so we had his favorite dessert, brownies, at tea time, and his favorite dinner, pizza. He got a book of Old Testament stories, a bag of Goldfish crackers, and a Hershey bar as well.

Friday was a doozy. That was when Jack started vomiting in earnest, and he just wanted me to lay down with him all day. So, we didn't do much. I gave Kain some math to do. Other than that, it was a survival day. The plus side is that with Maria's help with the littles, I did manage to convince Jack to lay on the futon with me in the school room while I wrapped up my planning work, so we are already to go next week,,,providing *I* don't get sick, haha!

Ok, this was supposed to be about plans for Kain. Again, these plans mostly come from the Mother of Divine Grace 4th grade syllabus, with some allowances for Kain-ness.

Religion- Kain will be narrating Bible history stories, Old Testament, as well as doing some oral reports on several Saints that lived during the time period we are studying for history. He will also be studying the Baltimore catechism.

Math- Kain is very behind in math, like to the point of having a learning disability in math. Progress is slow and hard-won. He was working in the Abeka second grade book before he went to TDT last November. I was hoping he would have made enough progress in their classroom to start the 3rd grade book this year, but he has not. The bright side of this is that a "real" teacher, a special ed. one at that, has not had any more luck teaching math to Kain than I have! So, we will pick up the second grade book where we left off, but I will work at a quicker pace until he starts to run into difficulty, and then we will slow down. Hopefully we will be in the 3rd grade book soon. Because of his delay, we will do math every non-weekend day possible, including vacations and catch-up weeks.

Grammar- We use Intermediate Language Lessons for 4th grade...it is a gentle book that introduces grammar through copywork and dictation, as well as incorporating some picture studies. He will also use Handwriting Without Tears for cursive practice.

Spelling- Kain does not struggle at all with reading or spelling, thankfully. He will make a spelling notebook a la Writing Road to Reading.

Poetry- selections in the syllabus from this book will be memorized. There is an American/patriotic theme this year which aligns itself with his history studies.

History- early American history with Pioneers and Patriots and Evangelization of the New World, as well as many biographies and historical fiction books. He will also be using a map skills workbook. We will also be using Jessica's suggestions and this series of books to make a 50 states scrapbook over the next two years.

Science- this is with Abeka's fourth grade science book, a gentle and colorful book that covers a variety of life-science topics. He will be doing a year long project making a birding notebook as well.

Latin- a gentle introduction starting a two year progression through Latin Christiana I.

Art- drawing lessons with me using this book, and picture studies with these cards.

Music- baroque music this year...I have a list for him to listen from. We will also use the last of this workbook series for some basic music theory.

That's it folks! I have some fun extras set aside to pad his workboxes, but that's the core stuff. The baby is fussy and Saturday chores await, so off I go. Hopefully I can get on later to post some pictures.

plans for kindergarten

2010-07-26T07:54:00.004-04:00

First, a note about how our year lays out. We will start our school year the first week of August. Right now it is looking like Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. Usually we start on a Monday, but we are going out of town this weekend and I know I'll need at least a day to recover from that trauma! :) I think I have found the perfect year-round schedule for us. This is my third year using it, and it is working well. We do three weeks of school and then have one catch-up week. Barring major family-wide illness and such, work during catch-up weeks should be minimal and we can also take some time to go on a nature walk, work on projects, etc. We will take a month off at Christmas, two weeks at Easter, and a month in the summer. This schedule makes for 11 three week mini-terms...that's 33 weeks of school. Our syllabi have 32 weeks of work in them. I use this extra free week by planning to do only two weeks worth of work during the first term of the year. This gives us extra time to get everything coordinated and all the kinks worked out of our new school year plans. Our syllabi have a four day week scheduled for most subjects...a couple of subjects call for five days in the older grades. In the past our light day has been Thursday because that was co-op day. This year, Monday is the new Thursday. Get this- now on Mondays, Jack has two hours of therapy, Kain has one hour of therapy, Kain has cub scouts, and Maria has dance class 45 minutes away. So,,,that's enough Monday fun. On the upside, our year otherwise looks pretty flexible. I have consciously (often painfully) purged our activities to a more sane level. Outside of the Monday madness, the three older kids will have PSR on Wednesday evenings, Jack has more therapy on Friday, and once a month Kain's cub scout meeting will be on Tuesday instead of Monday. This means that, outside of Jack's therapy, our non-Monday school days are free from interruption. I can chose to attend field trips and other social activities when things are sane, or stay home when things are not. Peachy!

So, my Jack-man is starting kindergarten. If he were going to public school I think I would be almost in mourning! But, since he will be at home, it really doesn't feel much different than what we've been doing. Here's the breakdown by subject, and notes on my Jack-tweaking.

I'm never sure how much is ok to post when discussing curriculum. I don't want to violate any copyright issues. But I don't think I'm giving any information that's not already available on the Mother of Divine Grace website. Anyway, most of the lessons, except when otherwise noted, come from their syllabi.

Religion- We will be narrating Old Testament Bible stories. This will be tricky for Jack. Narration is such a valuable teaching tool. Ideally, you read a story to the child (or an older child might read it themselves), and then they tell you about the story in their own words. You write it down for them, and they can illustrate the story when you're done. Narration teaches a child to hold onto a story, chronologically, in their memory, and retell it accurately. Using good literature feeds their imagination with beautiful images and lays the foundations for learning to write. The problem is that Jack has trouble expressing himself "on command" in this way. I'm not sure how he will do with this. My plan is to try and get him to tell me any little thing about the story and grab onto that. We can build from there. Also, Jack doesn't draw. His motor skills are on about the level of a 2 1/2 year old. He really still just scribbles with a crayon. I will probably have him "coach" me through drawing a picture for him and then let him color it as best he can. His motor skills are being worked on in therapy, so hopefully he will be able to do more as the year goes on.

Reading/writing- our curriculum calls for using Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. Jack, however, reads far too well already to bother with this. I have a set of the Little Angel readers and I'll have him read aloud to me out of those. We've been doing some of this over the summer, and it's a hoot. He has trouble getting the hang of reading aloud. Usually he will start off ok, but then his voice trails off to a whisper and disappears completely. He's reading to himself and has forgotten that he is reading aloud. So I'll say, "Jack, I can't hear you anymore." And then he'll start reading REALLY LOUDLY....but then his voice will slooooowly get softer and softer until he's reading silently again. hehe.

We are using different writing books than suggested in our syllabus, opting for using Handwriting Without Tears instead. It has a very simple script and the company also sells lots of helps for kids that struggle with writing, like these wooden letter pieces. Such props have not been necessary for the other children, but with Jack I'll take every help I can find. I've used this series for all three of my kids so far. The cursive script isn't beautiful, but it's simple and highly recommended for kids that struggle with writing. Of course, Jack isn't learning cursive yet! We are starting with the preschool book.

Math- Jack will handle this subject well enough. He can already count well and recognize written numbers. We will use the Golden workbooks as recommended in the syllabus and see how it goes. Some people have told me that their kids just eat these fun workbooks up, but because of his issues with coloring and writing I don't think that's going to happen. We will probably just work through one page at a time. We'll practice counting and simple adding and subtracting with counting bears too.

Other fun stuff- We'll be memorizing short Robert Louis Stevenson poems and starting his own poetry notebook, something the kids add to every year through eighth grade. We will also do simple picture studies with art postcards.

That's it for our curriculum stuff...about 45 minutes of sit down work a day. I love this about our curriculum. It's very basic in the earliest grades, leaving lots of room for whatever you'd like to do.

Now for the fun stuff...because I can't leave well enough alone...we'll be dabbling in the Alphabet Path. I've been scavenging ideas from Elizabeth, who wrote the original plans, and Jessica, and Sue, and added some ideas of my own too. We will take two years to finish the path, spending three to four weeks on each letter. During our school weeks, we will have a simple tea time to kick off the letter we will be focusing on, and then we will just do read alouds from our Alphabet Path stack of picture books. Then during our catch up week we will spend some time doing projects....cooking, art, science, etc., maybe even a related field trip here and there.

Of course, as always, we will have regular nature walks and liturgical year activities. We are not doing the co-op this year. This is with some sadness, and also some relief. The kids love the co-op. But it is just too expensive to put all three in, and I just can't teach to earn their tuition with a toddler and baby in tow. So, maybe in another season. In the meantime, not attending co-op will free up time to do other activities with our homeschool groups. We are blessed to live in an area that has plenty to offer homeschoolers, and we are never lacking on opportunities to see friends.

Ok, that's it for the Jack-ster. Next up...plans for Kain!

Updates

2010-07-25T13:28:00.002-04:00

Another random thought posting...because that's all I can wrap my brain around!

---school, school, school. We start the first week in August. I'm planning and copying and futzing and tweaking. I know I promised more info on what we are doing with the other kids. I'll try to post more tonight or in the morning about that.

---Henry turned 3 months old yesterday! I can't post a recent picture just yet. I am *still* working on the living room and the camera cable is disconnected. Apparently not all of the ports work, and John is trying to figure out which one. But he is doing great, gaining well now, and just a sweet, sweet baby. He's trying to roll over, and he just smiles and coos at me all the time. I just love the way his face lights up when he catches my eyes.

Also about Henry...I don't remember if I posted this, but back when he was having trouble gaining weight the doctor had ordered some blood work and found his liver functions were elevated. She's been watching and retesting and they have still been high. Last week we were referred to a liver specialist at the children's hospital. They don't quite know what to make of him yet either. He seems very healthy otherwise, and has no jaundice or other signs of liver problems. They ran some more tests and did an ultrasound of his whole belly. We are still waiting for results. In the meantime, I'm having that whole "your life can change with a phone call" feeling.

Ok, I'd better run. We are going to swimming this afternoon. I have avoided the pool this summer. It's just too miserable to sit there all afternoon on the concrete with the baby. John has taken the kids a couple of times, and once I dropped Maria off with a friend, but there's been a grumbling lately of the lack of pool time, so I'm making an effort to go a couple of times before school starts.

Jack-ism

2010-07-12T19:32:00.002-04:00

"Soon I will be six years old and my baby teeth will fall out. Then I will get my MAN TEETH!"

A planning post- Henry and Tess

2010-07-12T12:07:00.010-04:00

Our new school year is starting in a few weeks, and I've got my planning on.

I thought I'd write a few posts about our upcoming year, starting with the littlest students. Yes, I make actual plans for everyone, even the baby...not in a weird "create a baby genius" kind of way.....

Just notes of activities to try, read-alouds to do, rhymes to learn...

It might seem like a silly thing to plan. But trust me, it's easy to lose sight of what you want to do with the littlest people. You spend your days wrapped up in grammar and Shakespeare and long division and next thing you know you look up and the year is over and you spent precious little time making play dough food and marching with homemade maracas.

(These are not homemade maracas.)
A little planning reminds me which books I wanted, and which of those books need to be checked out from which library, that I need to have foil pie tins and dried beans on hand, that kind of thing.

Planning also helps with the timing of seasonal crafts. I'm not likely to remember the St. Patrick's Day craft I wanted to do when March rolls around unless I write it down. The easier I can make the activities to do once our school year is underway, the more likely they are to actually get done.

Most of my ideas for my little bees come from the "A Year of Fun" series and "Slow and Steady, Get Me Ready". Tess is also starting to use some Montessori ideas that I've mostly gotten from this book.

Last year was a survival year. I found out in mid-August that I was expecting Henry. It was a year of morning sickness and midwife visits. This year I want to have a full, fun year.

I plan to spend about an hour first thing in the morning playing with my littlest guys while the older three do their workboxes.

Stay tuned...the big kids are next!

Henry's birth story.....

2010-07-03T13:09:00.003-04:00

Finally!

So, let's travel back to April 23rd...it was a Friday, and I was over a week overdue. I had a midwife appointment that morning, and as expected, she told me it was time to try some castor oil. I had tried castor oil with Jack...it was super gross and didn't work at all. I swore I'd never do it again. But I had been having contractions for *weeks*, real ones that seemed like they could "take" at any time, but nothing more would ever happen. My back and hip were aching all day, every day. And when my midwife did a nonstress test, the baby's movements were almost nonexistent, though his heartrate was good. I was looking at an OB/hospital birth referral. I was feeling all kinds of desperate and decided it was worth a try.

I swung (swinged? swang?) by the store on the way home and bought a bottle. My midwife's instructions were to drink one ounce every hour. The bottle contained six ounces. Ugh. I decided to get started as soon as I arrived back home. My labors are always days long, so I knew that even if I managed to get labor going I'd have plenty of time to finish getting ready. I had already looked on the internet for ideas on making this task easier, but in the end I just decided to chug it. With Jack, I had mixed the oil with OJ. This didn't work at all, because guess what? oil and water don't mix!!! So what you would get is a couple of swallows of OJ and then thick, gloppy oil all by itself at the end. This time I decided on a shot of castor oil (literally...I used a shot glass) followed by an OJ chaser. It was still horrifying beyond all reason. My stomach is lurching now just thinking about it. If you ever do this, imagine swallowing a big ole heaping spoonful of vaseline. A couple of saltines afterwards help remove the oily ook from your mouth. Blech.

John happened to be home from work that day. He was actually supposed to work and had been sent home. So, I took my shot and we started puttering around, getting ready just in case this actually did anything. An hour later I took another shot,,,barely. It nearly came back on me, and I was trying not to think about taking four more of these. Another hour passed, and I took another shot, and I'm serious, it very nearly didn't stay down, and I told John that was it, there was just no way on earth I was going to be able to take anymore of it. At this point it was almost 6pm...getting late, and I was looking at being up all night with other "returns" from the castor oil, if you know what I mean. I sat down to check my email, and right in the middle of an email, no lie, there was this sudden "clunk" on my pelvic bone. It felt like something had...slipped, or something. And then I had a *strong* contraction. I went to the bathroom to kind of see what was what, and my water broke! And then another *strong* contraction. Hrmmm...interesting, I thought, and maybe I should start getting ready in earnest, we might be leaving sometime tomorrow. I went upstairs and started gathering up things for me, John, and Tess, and I told Maria to do the same for the boys and herself. I called my mom and told her to keep her cell phone nearby just in case things moved faster than usual and we needed to leave during the night, but that surely she would just get an update in the morning. Because, like I said, my labors are *days* long.

And then another contraction. And another. Consistently very strong, and coming 5 minutes apart. Very weird. I went downstairs and proceeded to hem and haw with great anxiety. My gut said it was TIME, NOW, and my brain said, "Puh-leez, do we have to go through this with every labor, you KNOW your labors always take FOREVER!" And after a couple of more contractions, I was convinced. This one was different. And I felt strongly that we should leave NOW. The birthing center was almost two hours away. I called my mom and told her to meet us at the center. I swear I could practically hear her eyes rolling. Because I just don't *have* fast labors, and I always think things are happening faster than they are. I ran around in a vague panic, trying to get everything together and having a really hard time because I couldn't concentrate well at all. It seemed to take an eternity to get everyone loaded up and get on the road, although really we were on the road shortly after 6pm, and the whole time I was trying to picture the logistics of having the baby on the side of the road, mostly worried about how badly that would freak out Jack. The whole scene was like the ones I've always made fun of on television, the ones where the woman grabs her stomach and says, "Honey, it's time", and they all run around like lunatics trying to get to the hospital.

Once in the car, I removed the rosary from the rearview mirror and started praying with the contractions. It went something like this, "Hail Mary full of gracetheLordiswiththeeblessedARTTHOUAMONGWOMENARGGGHHHAILMARYHAILMARY,(pant,pant,pant).......and the kids going, "Are you ok?" and me going, "Umhmm, oh yeah, I'm fine, I'm ok, it's just hard work you know, tralala!" We arrived at the birthing center just before 8pm. My parents were there waiting in the dark parking lot, and I think they were surprised to see me lurch out of the van panting and working hard, rosary clenched in my sweaty fist. I left John and my parents to deal with the stuff and the kids and lumbered into the front door, pausing for another contraction on the way. Once inside, I undressed and flopped down to be checked, waiting for the news that the baby was immenent. "You're only about three centimeter dilated, hon," she told me. I nearly fell apart. I had *hours and hours* to go, how could I work this hard for that long? John came in and we started to work, but this labor was so different. With Tess and Jack, being on my feet helped tremendously, but with this one I just couldn't bear it and I was rapidly becoming truly hysterical as the contractions were literally one on top of the other. How could I possibly keep doing this for hours? I decided I needed to do something different. I lay down and positioned myself all Bradley-method like, propped up with pillows, John rubbing my back, eyes closed, breathing deeply. This was *much* better. The contractions were still just as fast and hard, but I felt more in control, more able to focus. I disappeared inside the work, and I distantly heard John say, "I think she's sleeping!", but I wasn't, the contractions were still rocking and rolling, and I would surface with them to pant and breathe. At some point my midwife wanted to check the baby's heart rate and I had to roll over. I cried to her that I just couldn't see how it was possible that I had so far to go and I really couldn't do this for hours and hours. She tried to check my cervix and I just couldn't get in position for her to check. The contractions at this point were literally just one after another with no break at all in between. She urged me to get onto the birthing chair, but I just couldn't see how I could move with no time at all between contractions. I muttered that I would try after the next one. The next one finished, I started to sit up, and another hit so I flopped back against John and said I just couldn't get up, no way. Suddenly I felt that familiar full and burning pain and yelled that the baby was coming, right now! Maria and my mom, waiting just outside the door, came running in just in time to see his head come out. Another contraction, and he was out completely, and I was laying there gasping like a fish out of water, still flopped back against John from when I was trying to scooch off the bed. It was 9:34, an hour and half from when we arrived at the center 3 centimeters dilated, about six hours from when I took the first dose of castor oil.

And that was that. Henry Robert was born. John picked the name Henry and I picked Robert for my sweet Grandaddy. He had died when Jack was a newborn, and I had decided then that if I ever had another boy I would name it after him. 10 pounds, 10 ounces, 22 1/2 inches long. My dad and the other kids had just arrived back at my parents house. If we'd had any idea it would be so quick they could have stuck around, but I never in a million years imagined I'd deliver so quickly! And I marveled at God's providence that John had been sent home from work that day. If he had been at work, I probably still would have started the castor oil because the midwife really wanted me to start right awya, and John was off that weekend and I never would have guessed it would have worked so fast. I don't know how he ever would have gotten out of his hospital shift and home on such short notice...he probably wouldn't have! Anyway, we got cleaned up, I ate something and recovered a bit, and we were back home around 2am. In less than 12 hours I'd gone from not being in labor at all to being back home with a newborn. Still unbelievable to me.

Henry, 2 months old

2010-06-24T10:56:00.004-04:00

Can you believe it's been two months? I haven't even finished my birth story yet! Sheesh.

Henry is doing great. He's finally gaining weight at a good clip. He's not quite the chunk my other babies were, but he's got a couple of little rolls on his thighs now and he's awfully sweet.

He smiles and coos and is finally getting better at holding his head up. Along with a couple of other vague issues that haven't amounted to much, he has muscle tone that's a bit low. So did Jack. The pediatrician agrees he's a bit loose, but not enough to worry about. I'm trying not to obsess about the fact that autistic kids often have low muscle tone. And that male siblings of autistic children have higher chance of being autistic. I often stew about when Jack started to shift...when he started to lose his eye contact, when we started to lose some part of him to autism. One thing is for sure, we missed it. I look back through pictures and try to remember what exactly Jack was doing, what he was like at that point in time, and I can't quite reach it, the point where he went from being just fine to showing those early signs. It just happened, and one day we looked up and we were shocked at what was right in front of us, and we lost a lot of time that should have been spent helping him, and I feel like we failed him in that way.

So I watch Henry and Tess closely, and Henry especially.

I make myself notice that, at this point, he makes fantastic eye contact and loves to chat and sing with Momma.

Right now, he is fully here and present. He's meeting all his milestones on time.

Note to future self: at two months of age, Henry is just fine.

planning for chaos

2010-06-21T14:01:00.006-04:00

Oh my goodness, buckle up ya'll. I'm going to actually do something besides post pictures!

I've been struggling quite a bit to get back on a routine here after Henry's birth. I realized when Tess was born that I had crossed some kind of threshold. It had officially become more work to catch up than it was to put whatever effort was needed to stay caught up in the first place...even if that meant staying up extra late or waking up extra early, even if it meant pushing to motivate myself past not feeling well, whatever it took, it was worth the push to stay caught up on housework...meals, laundry, cleaning, paperwork, etc. That doesn't mean I was always disciplined enough to *do* it. But the knowledge helped.

Now I've crossed another threshold. There *is* no ability to catch up. I can only go forward. There is no extra time in the day to catch up on a giant heap of laundry, or a couple of hours in the day to devote to cleaning or paying bills. It just doesn't exist. This has left me struggling a bit. But then I had a breakthrough. It came in the form of another mom's comment about how she makes well-laid plans for staying caught up on everything only to be constantly waylaid by different out of the ordinary events...that out of the ordinary events had become so frequent that she was constantly starting back at square one. I could have written the same comment. The only constant around here is inconsistency. Let's face it, there just are going to be times when I will fall behind. Even if I were perfectly disciplined (snort), there are still circumstances out of my control, and the chances of those circumstances grows with each additional child...illnesses, cranky teething little people who want to be held all day, activities and appointments that make our schedule nutso, etc. So, my new solution has been to plan for the unplanned. I've taken each area that tends to fall into chaos and made plans for the chaos. Am I making any sense at all? Let's give some examples, ....

Cooking and meal planning is a big one. I'm a big meal planner. I like to cook, and I'm married to a man who absolutely will not do cereal for dinner. And so before every payday, I sit down with my recipes and my planner. I plan out meals for the next two weeks and make a huge grocery list. It works well probably 85% of the time. And then there are the days that we get home late and I don't have time to fix dinner. Or the days I was supposed to put dinner in the crockpot in the morning but I forgot and now it's 5 o'clock. Or the days I find out someone ate some key ingredient. Or the days a cranky baby keeps sabotaging my efforts. Or the days I just plain don't feel like cooking what I had planned and wish I had an easy way out. And so I would have to improvise something not so great, or we would eat far too late and mess up the whole evening routine, or we would make a $30 Taco Bell run. Each time I would chastise myself to be more organized and vow that it wouldn't happen again. Of course, it would. So, I decided to plan for that particular chaos.

These are my emergency rations. I made five of these bags up and put them in that high, impossible to get into cabinet above the stove. Each bag contains the ingredients to make a meal, more or less. A couple of the meals have a component in the freezer. But none of them call for fresh ingredients. This is important. I don't want any of them to require something I might not have on hand. This particular bag contains the fixings for The Simplest Black Beans and Rice Ever...a bag of instant brown rice, a can of black beans, a jar of salsa, and a couple of packs of cornbread mix. I don't usually use instant rice, or cornbread mix, but the idea is convenience here. If there's time, I can dress it up with other things I might have on hand...saute some onions and/or peppers, put some shredded cheese and sour cream on the side. But if I don't have any of those things, I'm still good to go.

Here's one more example...laundry chaos. My main thought behind laundry and cleaning is that I need to be able to jump in and catch back up easily when we get behind. Let's say you have a new baby...and family comes to visit...and you spend a week spending all of your free time cleaning for the arrival of in-laws...and when they leave, all the dirty laundry hampers are overflowing. So, in the past, with my old system (yes, for seven people, you need a system) I would have had to spend most of an entire day "catching up". This is no longer possible. So I had to change our system to allow me to jump in easily and catch up painlessly.
Here's how our laundry process normally works. Every night before bed, everyone brings me the dirty laundry hampers and dumps them on the floor in front of the washing machine. That night I start a load in the wash. In the morning I start another. This might be enough if I'm otherwise caught up. After breakfast I will hang laundry out to dry or run it through the drier. After lunch I will fold any dry laundry waiting for folding (usually this is what was out hanging the day before) and put it away. Before dinner I will go out and get anything out on the line and bring it in to be folded the next day. Each step only takes a short time, laundry stays caught up, and all is good with the world. But even in the above in-law scenario, it works. When the kids bring me all the dirty laundry, I just have a much bigger pile. And instead of hanging, I'll definitely be using the drier. When it's my post-lunch folding time, I might be looking at a clean laundry pile like this...

...impressive, yes? And so instead of folding, I'll sort the clothing into baskets, like this....

...one for Tess and Henry, one for John and I, one for Maria, one for Kain and Jack, one for linens. Maria will be given her own laundry to put away. And that, barring some windfall of extra time during the day, will probably be it for the day. But so far, everything is cleaned, or at least a good bit of it, and sorted so that at least things can be found. That evening, I can pick back up where I left off, having the kids bring me that days dirty laundry again, and washing/hanging/etc. in the morning. When laundry folding time rolls around again, I still have that collection of sorted laundry waiting. I pick the ugliest looking one (in the picture above, that would be the boys' basket) and fold and put away. I do the same thing the following day, and within a few days all the folding is caught up again as well.

Is this tedious? I'm sorry. Ah well. I find it interesting to see how others manage. It's a juggling act around here, for sure. I'm always looking for ideas to improve things. I always kept waiting for this magical day to arrive when I would be so perfectly organized that I would never fall behind again. That day isn't coming. Accepting the fact that I will get behind and having contingency plans has been a big help, and it's much more encouraging than my previous "work like a dog and be irritable and nasty to everyone because I keep beating us all up for getting behind again" methods. Other areas that have chaos plans? Paperwork, school planning, and housecleaning.

To John, on Father's Day

2010-06-20T20:43:00.004-04:00

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth

A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons

Happy Father's Day, my love.

I hope and pray our children will know how blessed they are to call you "Dad".

A baby's feet

2010-06-20T07:35:00.000-04:00

A baby's feet, like sea-shells pink,
Might tempt, should heaven see meet
An angel's lips to kiss, we think,
A baby's feet.

Like rose-hued sea-flowers toward the heat
They stretch and spread and wink
Their ten soft buds that part and meet.

No flower-bells that expand and shrink
Gleam half so heavenly sweet,
As shine on life's untrodden brink
A baby's feet.

How Jack is doing

2010-06-13T08:23:00.006-04:00

It's been a while since I posted anything about my Jack-man.

Where to start, where to start....
Well, first of all, we've got speech and occupational therapy underway. He goes to each for two hours a week. He loves going to therapy, and his therapists seem quite taken with him. They are always amazed with what he can do...how well he can read, what he knows about all of his "pet" subjects, etc. His speech has already improved quite a bit. I don't think this has anything to do with speech therapy, because the improvements started before the therapy did...I think it's just a maturity leap...but all of a sudden he can answer questions more easily and express his wants more clearly. He does still use a lot of scripted speech. His occupational therapist has been working with him on life skills like hand washing, and fine motor skills like writing and using scissors.

He's still just as quirky as ever. This, combined with the speech issues, can make for some funny moments. Much of the time he sounds overly mature...like he'll say, "It is good to see you Mommy," in this really formal voice. His occupational therapist always wore her hair in a pony tail. Well, she got a haircut or something I think, and so one morning she came out to the waiting room with her hair down. Jack looked at her and said, "Your hair needs a wash-down," a bit of script he picked up from Thomas the Tank Engine. For two or three sessions she came out with her hair down, and Jack would kind of stare and make some comment about it. Then, last week, she came out with her hair in a pony tail again. Jack just smiled at her, and she said, "How's my hair today, Jack? Is it good or bad?" "It's good!" he said, and trotted back with her.

We're holding off on the gluten/casein free diet. We started. We got him casein free and we were experimenting with gluten free foods. It was really, really overwhelming. To be honest, this is probably not the best time for me to be trying such a drastic change around here. But I also just have my doubts that it will be worth the effort. Jack doesn't fit the profile of many kids I've met who have been helped by the diet. He doesn't appear to have bowel problems of any kind, or any allergy/intolerance issues in general. He's very healthy. He is also *extraordinarily* picky, and other than a few fruits, everything he eats has gluten and casein in it. It would be very, very difficult to make a full switch for the several months it would take to try the diet. He wouldn't understand what was going on and why we weren't letting him eat his favorite foods anymore, and I don't know what I'd feed him. His growth has already slowed way down...he's dropped from the 90th percentile to the 50th percentile in height, and he's quite thin. He eats no meat to speak of, no beans, no eggs, no nuts except peanut butter, nothing like that. All of his protein comes from dairy and whole grains. It'd be awfully difficult to get enough protein in him, and I'm just not feeling up to taking that on just to see if it helps at this point. We are having lots of gains from therapy, and that's enough right now. Maybe later. In the meantime, I'm working on the picky eating thing.

We've decided to homeschool him for kindergarten. It wasn't an easy decision. But we just weren't convinced there would be anything for him at school that we couldn't provide at least as well on our own. Our curriculum is accredited, and they have special ed consultants we can take advantage of as well. The kindergarten curriculum is quite gentle. Since he already has a good grasp of counting and number recognition and such, and since he's already reading very well, most of our concentration this year will go towards the kinds of things he's working on in therapy...motor skills, social skills, activities of daily living...we can truly shape the curriculum to suite his needs, my odd duck of a child who can read on a third grade level but is still struggling to write his own name. We also wonder about how he would handle being in school all day. For a child with sensory issues, it would be pretty overwhelming. This is a child who is frazzled after a trip to the library. Stressful events tend to really push him over the edge. After we had that trip to Little Rock in February, his autistic behaviors worsened quite a bit for a good two or three weeks. I guess if he had to go he would get used to it. But I think it could set his progress back quite a bit. Anyway, homeschooling is our default. It's what we do. I would only send kids out to school if we weren't able to meet their needs here. So far I don't feel that way about Jack. One person told me that she thinks I need to send him to school because parents of autistic kids need a break. I don't feel that way about Jack. Not yet. :) Jack, when he's not strung out over some stressor and we are following our routines, is very easy for me to handle. That part is not an issue for us. Not for him, anyway. :)

I get a lot of questions about his social skills too...how will he develop social skills if he's not in school? I'm working on that. That is tricky. Finding socialization for homeschoolers is definitely not usually an issue. But for a special needs child, it's trickier. He can't just be signed up to the city soccer team or sent off to an art class for "normal" kids...not at this point anyway. Park days and such don't work very well either. Jack doesn't really give a rip about socializing you see, so he is content to go off and do his own thing. Frankly, he will probably always be that way, homeschooled or not. But he does need to learn some basic social skills. We are working on these at home, rehearsing how to make eye contact and have conversations, and modeling play and such, and his therapists do this too. Mostly I'm looking for activities to put him in that will allow one of us to kind of shadow him and coach him along for a while...we plan on doing this for PSR this fall, and possibly our homeschool co-op as well.

I've heard him singing lately. I noticed it first in the van. I was bringing him back home from therapy, and we were alone, so the van was uncharacteristically quiet, and I heard his quiet little voice singing a song from a Thomas dvd. I'd hardly ever heard him sing before, but now he sings all the time. It's very sweet to hear.

just a catch-up post

2010-06-10T08:45:00.002-04:00

....because I feel like checking in...

We are rearranging the living room this week. That living room painting I tried to get done the whole time I was pregnant is slowly underway. We rearranged the furniture into totally new configurations in our too tiny living room. It's not working out quite like I had it in my brain. We have too much crammed into this room. But it's all kind of needed. We have a lot of people to seat. In a perfect world I could relocate the oversized rocker and ditch the old, huge recliner and go buy a smaller loveseat. And I wouldn't have this inordinate attachment to my grandmother's old coffee table, which is actually a very nice piece of furniture that has the rare quality of withstanding years of daily abuse and still has not developed a wobble...but it takes up precious floor space. In the meantime, the whole room has this really claustrophobic feel because all the big furniture is a good couple of feet away from the walls so as to allow room for painting.

The aforementioned rearranging interfered with my blogging. The computer had to be disconnected and moved, and my camera cable was removed from the back. I'm not sure where it goes and haven't worked up the gumption to figure it out yet.

Summer is picking up. My in-laws came to visit for a few days, and we've been to the library for a workshop on making walking sticks. We will go back today for a kid's concert. They have shows every Thursday afternoon, and workshops every Tuesday. We will take advantage of a lot of these...hardly any excuse not to since we live four blocks from the library!

And, Henry beckons, so that's all for now! Hopefully I'll be back with some pictures...

Note to self

2010-06-04T07:51:00.002-04:00

I need to explain to my husband that when he arrives home from work on the day his parents have arrived from out of town, don't walk in the door and say, with shock and awe in your voice, "Wow! The place looks great!" Because, we want them to think the place *always* looks great, that's why.

Nothing like out of town guests to spur your first real post-partum cleaning.

A Goodnight Moon party

2010-06-01T09:41:00.004-04:00

Goodnight room

Goodnight moon

Goodnight cow jumping over the moon

Goodnight light

And the red balloon

Goodnight bears, goodnight chairs

Goodnight kittens

Goodnight mittens

Goodnight clocks

And goodnight socks

Goodnight little house

And goodnight mouse

Goodnight comb and goodnight brush

Goodnight nobody

Goodnight mush

And goodnight to the old lady whispering hush

Goodnight stars, goodnight air

Goodnight noises everywhere

(Thank you to Maria,,she did all the decorating and most of the picture taking!)

Tessie turns two!

2010-06-01T07:35:00.009-04:00

Singing Happy Birthday...she always puts her fingers in her mouth when you sing to her, hehe.

Her new toy kitchen

The ball was from Maria...Kain has already managed to pop it (sigh). It's ok! I'll get another!

...and the dress-up stuff was from Kain and Jack. The purple thing over her arm is the new pair of pajamas from Meme and Papa. She got a See and Say from them too, but that picture didn't come out.

Museum ABC blocks,,,a big hit! She got the picture book that went with it too.

Happy Birthday big sister!

Henry, one month old

2010-05-30T16:11:00.005-04:00

Cooing, and smiling, but not for the camera...still too skinny according to the doctor, but gaining better!

stream of consciousness posting

2010-05-18T08:11:00.003-04:00

1. I am going to post like this, in a numbered list, like I'm making rational points about something when really I'm not, I just feel like posting and have no set topic and can't organize my thoughts so I'm just going to spew them out here in really really long run on sentences.

2. I'm going to order an Ergo carrier today. I think. Some of John's family sent us a generous gift card and I'm paralyzed with thoughts of how to use it. Right now I'm torn between an Ergo and a double stroller. I have three carriers already. One is a ring sling, and it is my "on the go sling". It normally lives in the car. It folds up small and is quick to get Henry in and out of, and it has a really long tail that doubles wonderfully as a nursing cover up or a little tent to keep sun or wind off the baby, but it's not terrifically secure and I always feel like I need to keep readjusting him. I have a moby wrap (thanks Charlotte! :)), and that is my "at home" sling. It takes more time to put on (though I've gotten much quicker at it) and it's bulkier and hotter because it's a lot of fabric, but it holds him very securely and works wonderfully for toting him around and still keeping my hands free. And then I have a kirby backpack that I love to use, in and out of the house, when I have to hold a bigger baby/toddler for an extended period of time. I'd be all set, except that when they fall asleep in the kirby their little heads bob and fall all over the place. The ergo has those nifty little hoods that holds their heads up. There was a mom at our homeschool co-op that toted her 3yo around all afternoon while he napped in one of them. But is that worth $100 plus dollars? I don't know....

3. Henry is not gaining weight fast enough for the doctor. He was weighed at 3 weeks, last Friday, and still had not regained his birth weight. He nurses all the time, and he pees and poops plenty,,,he looks great to me! I have plenty of milk,,,oh, look, it's letting down now, well, that's just special, and do I have nursing pads on? Of course not! Sigh.....

4. SO, anyway, I'm back. He's not gaining weight fast enough, and so they want me to supplement with formula. When I acted less than thrilled with the idea, they gave me a bag full of samples to take home. I guess they thought I didn't want to spend the money. Well, I *am* pretty cheap, but that's not why I breastfeed, you know? So, I did what I always do when I can tell the doctor isn't listening to me. I nodded my head and took the bag and went home to do whatever I want. The church's food pantry will get the formula. I'm loading him up like a fatted calf this week, and we'll see what he weighs on Friday. That's when I have to go back.

And now I'm typing one-handed, so I'd better wrap this up. Nice chatting!

Henry at three weeks

2010-05-17T11:51:00.002-04:00

The lighting came out a little weird...

I wanted to get these up now, but don't have time to type much! Henry is gaining weight too slowly, according to the pediatrician, so we are nursing *a lot*. Hope to be back soon!

Potty Party!

2010-05-15T18:25:00.004-04:00

Jack has gone poo-poo in the potty two days in a row!

Um...well, yes, he is 5 1/2. Imagine my relief when I found out that these issues are very common in autistic children! It's related to their sensory/social skill issues. He mostly potty trained right around his third birthday. But he had never, ever pooped in the potty. Never. Not once. He had bowel control. He just wouldn't go in the potty! He would ask for a diaper and go in that instead. Oh, yes...we tried everything. We tried ignoring it and waiting for him to mature out of it. We tried sticker charts. We tried bribes. We tried just refusing to give him a diaper at all (um...major backfire...he just wouldn't poop at all. For days.). None of it worked.

But yesterday we unexpectedly ran out of Jack-sized diapers (the other two mostly use cloth, but he has used disposables since around his first birthday). I knew I was going grocery shopping this morning, and I really didn't want to have to make a run to the store just because we lacked one diaper to get through the day. I told him we were out and I encouraged him to just give the potty a try. Now, we've done this before, accidentally and on purpose, several times over the years, and it never worked. I don't know why yesterday was different, but he did it, he went into the bathroom and just did it! He said, "I made a poop stick!" And so, today I have been making good on three years worth of bribes...we bought a new Thomas train today,

and we had a "potty party" complete with chocolate cupcakes and ice cream. And he used the potty again today!

I couldn't have been prouder if it happened three years ago!

Henry is two weeks old....

2010-05-11T17:00:00.003-04:00

....and I have no time to blog.

But in a good way.

Bear with me while we find our new normal! :)

I have started his birth story and hope to have it posted soon.

A one week old daybook

2010-05-02T11:16:00.005-04:00

Outside my window...cloudy and cool. Many days have been quite warm already, reminding me that our hot southern summer is coming!

I am hearing...the whir of Henry's swing, and every so often a grunty, rooting sound that tells me my computer time will be short this morning. :)

I am thinking...does anyone else's children find it physically impossible to *close* things? Bread bags, cabinet doors, front doors...I cleaned out the fridge while John and Maria went grocery shopping (not the scrubbing out kind of cleaning, just the digging around for funky, outdated stuff kind of cleaning), and I must have found 15 milk jug caps floating around inside the fridge because instead of putting the cap back on the milk they just leave it on a shelf. Sigh.

I am thankful for...baby swings. I love attachment parenting, but I do love me a baby swing. I do not consider the two to be incompatible.

I am wearing...very old pajama pants and a tshirt. I do not get dressed the first two weeks after having a new baby. I feel it sends an important visual message to my family..."I am healing, don't expect much."

We are currently reading...Kain and I are now onto "Little Town on the Prairie". I got a bunch of Keven Henke books in a Scholastic book order. I discovered these back when Maria was a preschooler...she was *SO* Lilly in Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse. :)
Chrysanthemum is probably my favorite. Chrysanthemum, Chrysanthemum, Chrysanthemum.

I am praying...for Henry's goopy eyes. He has blocked tear ducts. I'm praying they don't require antibiotics.

Latest on the babies...Henry is doing great. He's lost enough weight that I have to bring him in on Wednesday for another weight check, but I think he'll be fine. He's nursing well, and big babies can afford lose more. He's getting those baby zits and he's peeling so much he looks like he's molting. So much for pretty baby skin. The kids are freaked out about it, but I've assured them that they all did this, and his skin will be pretty again very soon. He's very alert and loves to listen to people talk. We spend long periods of time just staring at each other and chatting. He thinks I'm quite fascinating. And the feeling is mutual. :)

From the kitchen...freezer meals, freezer meals, freezer meals. Maria had her name day the other day, and I did make some Italian sloppy joes, which are *way* easy, and John picked up a cheesecake from the store, so that's the extent of my actual cooking.

Around the house...imperfect cleaning done by husband and children. God love them for doing it.

In the learning room...I'm filling out enrollment papers for Mother of Divine Grace. This will be our first year to enroll, or to try to anyway...I hope we get in. I'm a bit late.

In the garden- weeds.

Plans for the rest of the week...John is off work for another week, so he will be running everyone around to therapies and dance class and all of that. Woohoo! I have to confirm with the church, but I think we will be having a baptism on Mother's Day.

Our week in pictures...

Henry's first bath. He's not thrilled.

My parents bought this little swing for Henry. Tess adores it. She sits in it and pushes with her feet and says, "Whee! Swing!!!" She's gotta be right around the 25 pound weight limit, maybe even a smidge over. I'm thinking she'll get over it soon though, and forcing her out of it will only contribute to jealously issues. Yes, there are a few, though over all she is quite taken with Henry.

The next three were taken in the garden outside the local rec center. The kids' homeschool co-op had their end of the year gala here last week, complete with a show and play that all three participated in.

Henry in the morning sunlight.

Finally...a birth announcement!

2010-04-25T11:55:00.005-04:00

Henry Robert was born Friday, April 23, at 9:34pm, 10 pounds, 10 ounces, 22 1/2 inches long...he's doing wonderfully and nursing well, especially since my milk started coming in today. :) Birth story to follow in a day or two....

"Although man and woman are equal in nature, it’s not exactly each giving a gift to the other. It’s a bit more complex than that. The man is made by God to want to give himself to someone like him (bone of my bones), and the woman is made by God, completing His creation, to be the person who receives the gift."

"When she receives the gift, and precisely by means of her receptivity, she is able to give the gift in return: the child, the embodiment of the love of the two, united in one flesh."

"We often think of “two becoming one flesh” as meaning the physical union of the two in the act of love, but it has this other dimension, also physical but more than physical"

"the expression of the love of the gift and the reception of the gift in the form of another human being"

"another flesh of my flesh"

"another image of God"

"the new person who also has a soul and a desire to give the gift of himself."

Beautifully said quotes from the lovely Leila.

a "no, I haven't had this baby yet" daybook

2010-04-19T07:54:00.004-04:00

Outside my window...cloudy and cool, the cardinals are at the feeders.

I am hearing...the cardinals! They woke me up this morning. It's a nice way to wake up though...beats an alarm clock.

I am thinking...that my coffee mug needs a refill. How's that for deep thoughts?

I am thankful for...my husband,,,he's home, and upstairs sleeping, which will help keep the littles up there for a while.

I am wearing...a pair of sweatpants and a tshirt.

We are currently reading...I'm reading some old Robin Cook novel that my parents gave me. We trade finished fiction back and forth before passing it on to the thrift stores. I'm finding paperback fiction a painless way to pass the time.

I am praying...that today will be this baby's birthday!

Latest on the babies...I'm still pregnant. That's all the latest that matters. My due date has come and gone, I'm over a week late, or just about a week late, depending on which due date you want to go with. I have periods of regular, strong contractions pretty much every day and have for several days now. But they aren't "taking", and we are still waiting. It is most frustrating.

In other kid news...Jack is so funny. He will say things oddly a lot of the time...most kids do, of course, but Jack's funny little sayings happen practically hourly because he has trouble expressing himself to begin with, especially abstract things like when he's upset or angry. He will usually use scripted speech at these times, some phrase he's picked up from one of us or from a tv show. But every so often he just expresses himself, in his own words, very well, and it's so cute to hear. Yesterday Maria was making him get off his computer game and he was *not happy* about that. He told her, "Stop treating me that way Maria! Take your annoying away!"

From the kitchen...labor, and post-labor foods, waiting to be packed up. Cheese and crackers, nuts, fruit, juice, soups...

Around the house...keeping up with laundry, and that's about it. John cleaned the kitchen yesterday, isn't that sweet? Boy, it needed it.

In the learning room...I made Kain pick up in there yesterday as a consequence for a behavior issue. You can always tell when we are having a hard time with Kain...the house and yard are much neater.

In the garden- A huge pile of sticks and branches, gathered by Kain, as a consequence for another behavior issue. :) Oh, and our dogwoods are blooming! They are getting so big! We got them as a couple of twigs from the Arbor Day foundation three springs ago. Last year was the first time they bloomed, but barely. Maria's had a couple of flowers, and I don't think Kain's had any. This year they both have several. My only issue is that I ordered a pink and red one. Our house is white, and I wanted some color in the front yard. Well, they are both blooming with white flowers! Ah well...

Plans for the rest of the week...Um....baby? Yeah. Yeah, I think I'd like to have a baby. Today, please.

Jack, an update

2010-04-13T16:58:00.003-04:00

I wanted to give an update of where we are with Jack and his treatment. First of all, I've finished The Autism Book by Dr. Sears, and I strongly do recommend it, especially if you are new to the autism game. There is *so* much information out there on treatments and therapies, both mainstream and alternative, and it is really overwhelming to even know what to try and how to get started. The thing I like most about this book is that he gives a step-by-step approach for how to tackle autism and what interventions hold the most promise and how exactly to get each started...very specific advice, which I appreciate!

So, Jack has started OT...just barely. He actually just had his third session yesterday. He likes going, which makes it that much easier...but I'm not surprised about that. Kain always loved going to therapy. An occupational therapist will work on life skills with him...everything from dressing and eating and other self-care routines to helping his motor skill delays. She will also help us with his sensory integration issues. Autistic kids have difficulty dealing with stimulation, difficulty filtering what is going on around them, and this can lead to many of their odd little behaviors...everything from hand-flapping to picky eating. One of the first skills they are working on is handwashing. I know that sounds simple, but no, Jack can't wash his hands independently. Now, Jack can do a *lot* independently, don't get me wrong. But life skills...next to nothing. These kids don't have the social skills to be motivated to imitate mom/dad/siblings and learn how to do things like this on their own. Like for Tess, she already is very interested in everything we do and imitates me all the time. Maria's mantra as a preschooler was "I do it mineself!" Jack has never been like that. He can unlock any door, climb into any cabinet, work every button on every appliance and electronic equipment in the house, beat me at any Wii game, and play songs on the piano, but he has no interest in learning how to dress himself or brush his own teeth or put on his shoes. So, they are starting with hand-washing. She has made a chart for him with all the steps involved in washing his hands, and he's practicing with her, and in a session or two she will be sending this home with us to continue working with him at home. It seems so odd to have to work so hard to learn something so simple, doesn't it? But that's where he is.

He hasn't started speech yet. We had to wait for our copy of the reports from the Children's Hospital first, and get a referral from his PCP. Those are all in,,,I'm waiting to get the phone call saying he's scheduled. If I wasn't going to have a baby any day now, I would have called to nag somebody by now, but since we are sitting in baby limbo I can't see a reason to push to get it started right this instant, you know? I'll call and bug someone once the baby is born though.

As far as the alternative treatments to try...the most promising intervention looks to be the casein free/gluten free diet. We are going to take him off casein first, as recommended in the book...first, because it's much easier to go casein free, and second, the effects of going casein free, if you get any, are supposed to show more quickly and dramatically than going gluten free. I dreaded the changes. Jack is extremely picky and only lives on a handful of foods...all of which contain gluten and casein. He basically lives on milk, string cheese, peanut butter sandwiches, crackers, grapes, apples, and bananas. He'll eat some junkier things like pizza, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, and chocolate too. No vegetables. No meat, unless you consider hot dogs and chicken nuggets to be meat :). No juice even. Pushing him to try other foods makes him gag and sometimes even vomit. So, I needed to do this gradually. We started by finding a milk substitute, because he drinks a *lot* of milk, Soy milk is not recommended as a substitute because many kids develop a sensitivity to that as well. So, I bought some rice milk and started gradually substituting, starting with one part rice milk to 3 parts cow's milk. To my surprise, he really liked the rice milk after all, and now he is on all rice milk. I stopped buying the string cheese. And we've used up our old vitamins for him that contained casein, so I'll be ordering some new CF/GF ones this weekend. I would say that this has gotten rid of the vast majority of the casein he eats. That's about it for now, and about all I can handle until the baby comes. Once he arrives I will get serious about reading labels and weeding out the rest of the casein.

Is it helping? Oh, I'm not sure yet. It does seem to be, but I can't be sure yet that it's not a "seeing what I want to see" kind of thing. He's still autistic. :) None of these is really supposed to bring about a miracle cure. I would say the biggest change I've noticed is that he seems happier and more...present. Just more here on our planet, less withdrawn. He talks to us more, he shares more with me verbally, if still in his own quirky odd speech. He also seems to be sleeping better. Last week he even slept one night in his own bed all night long! So, we'll see. After we completely get rid of the casein for a few weeks, we will do a "challenge" of offering it again and see what happens.

So, that's where we are. Thanks for reading along. I'd really like to keep records of what we are doing this way to look back on someday.

an Easter season datebook

2010-04-12T07:51:00.005-04:00

Outside my window...beautiful spring...a bit cloudy at the moment, but it's set to be a beautiful week, highs in the 70's.

I am hearing...not a thing except the occasional car drive by or bird chirp. Everyone is still asleep. Ahhhhh....

I am thinking...that I smell gasoline. And now I see dh's work gloves sitting on the computer desk. Hmmm...

I am thankful for...a good night's sleep. They are harder to come by the lately.

I am wearing...khaki pajama shorts, a pink tshirt

We are currently reading...Kain and I are *almost* finished with the Long Winter. Oh, this book makes me cry. The images of Pa, slowly starving over that winter, coming in from doing chores with chapped, cut hands and being so hungry that "his eyes glittered" at the umpteenth meal of potatoes and brown bread...poor thin, pale
Carrie still weak from the scarlet fever that blinded Mary...

I am praying...for this Russian boy and the mother that adopted him. I'm afraid I don't have the same outlook, exactly, as most people on this story. Don't get me wrong, the way she handled this boy's return is pretty ridiculous and sad, but just trust me on this one, unless you have personally tried to raise a damaged child, please just pray for her. You can't possibly get what it's like unless you've been there. No, having a family member who did it or working with special needs kids is not the same. I'm talking about day in/day out ugliness of dealing with these children on a 24/7 basis. It's not the same. And all the people who are saying she should have "gotten some help" are naive. There is no help. Trust me. Kain is on his fourth therapist, and his sixth month in therapeutic day treatment, and nothing has helped much. The "professionals" have no better idea of what to do with these kids than anyone else. It's ugly trail and error, and lots of tearful prayers. I'm weary of weepy social workers moaning and sighing on TV for these children. It's useless. If you want to help these children, get more support for the families that are trying to raise them. Because it's a lonely business, let me tell you. These kids tear your life apart while you are trying to fix theirs. Yes, the mom should have handled it much differently. But I can't say I've never fantisized about doing something similar. Anyone who doesn't understand that and thinks they have all the answers to fix these kids needs to go and adopt an older, damaged child and fix them up, quick, while they still know everything. And that's the end of that rant.

Pondering these words...
A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot.
Alan Marshall Beck

Latest on the babies...Hmmmm, I'm sorry? What baby would that be? Oh, yes, the baby that is DUE RIGHT NOW? Well, we're not obsessing about that at all, I can promise you, because if it's one thing I've learned by my 4th pregnancy, it's that you are a damned fool if you put your life on hold and enter that baby limbo stage where you spend every minute of every day expecting to go into labor, getting an adrenaline rush every time you have a couple of contractions because you are foolish enough to think this might really be "it" this time. No sir, we aren't doing that nonsense around here.

From the kitchen...clean dishes, mostly, and freezer meals.

Around the house...clean laundry, as close to daily as I can manage it.

In the learning room...plans, actually. I'm in the mood to plan, and looking forward to some fun things for Jack and Tess this summer. Still haven't made that PECS schedule for Jack, shame on me. But I will, and I'll share pictures of it when I'm done.

In the garden- It's all about John keeping up with yard work now, grass growing like mad from spring rain. I'm doing nothing. :)

Plans for the rest of the week... um...well...dare I hope for the obvious? Otherwise,,,life as usual, with as many unneeded activities cut out as I can manage. Kain tested out of OT, so he's done with that (yay!). Kain still has behavioral therapy, Jack's therapies go on too of course, co-op day on Thursday (only two left this year!), and, if still needed, another midwife appointment on Friday (sigh).

Pictures...oh my, I finally emptied my camera! Yay!

I'm never going to mass again!

2010-04-08T09:14:00.002-04:00

haha! That got your attention? I'm not serious, of course, I would never stop going to mass, but this is exactly what I wailed into my husband's voicemail from the church parking lot on Good Friday. Mass has gotten really, really rough. Tess is nearly two. She's not terrible in mass, for a toddler, but she does require constant shushing and distraction and the like, not to mention a lap (which I'm running out of) and strong pair of arms to keep her in place. Jack is having a *really* hard time in mass. He actually used to do better when he was younger, but now it's becoming more difficult for him. He's obviously overstimulated and needs constant coaching throughout the mass to behave. He doesn't take this coaching well from anyone but me. Kain, being 10, should be flying solo during mass, but he's really not most of the time. Every now and then he will have a really good run of it, but most of the time he needs at least *some* redirection during mass, like "Stop pretending to shoot people in the communion line" or "Stop kicking the kneelers over". Maria, of course, is just fine during mass and has been since she was four or so, and she can even help with the youngers, but only if they are in a mood to allow it. Sometimes they are not, and any effort on her part just makes it worse. This is where I was on Good Friday. Kain was rotten. Jack was rotten. Tess was rotten. None of them would take direction from Maria without protest, and John was working. Combine this with being very pregnant and very tired, and you'll not be surprised to find that even sitting in the Narthex was too much to handle. Eventually I was out in the van in tears, wailing into John's voicemail. And I meant it, at the time, I really didn't see how I was going to be able to manage mass at all once the baby arrived. There are just too many of them and not enough of us. First of all, I am often alone at mass. John works at least every third weekend. All weekend, 12 hour shifts, so no, we can't go in the evenings or anything instead either. When he is off, usually he will manage Tess and I will coach Jack and Kain along. It's not usually too bad. But when we have another baby to manage...and like I said, I'm often alone, and it's getting really bad. If Jack and Kain were "normal" 5 and 10 year olds...or if Jack would let Maria coach him along without falling apart...something's gotta give and I'm not really sure what. We do have a nursery. Jack is too old for it. It's for 1-3 year olds, so Tess would be the only one that could go, and really, I've never considered the nursery to be a very good option. You have to volunteer your time in there for one thing, and with our already crazy Sunday-ness that's just not an option. For another, they are often not open for different reasons and then you have to take them all with you to mass anyway. I've always felt like it's just better to kind of suck it up and plow through these seasons and teach them how to behave in mass by being in mass. The only thing I can think of is to go to separate masses. I really feel strongly about attending mass together as a family. But I don't know what else to do at this point.

a 39 weeks and counting daybook

2010-04-06T12:31:00.002-04:00

Sorry this is a bit late. Did you think I might have had a baby? Haha! Silly you! Nope, I've just had a broken keyboard that finally was replaced today. We tried taking it apart and cleaning it, a project that just tickled my little obsessive-compulsive heart, but it didn't help...so now we have a new keyboard and it's giving me fits. The keys are bigger so it is throwing off my groove a bit. I'll get used to it.

Outside my window...Sunny and warm...ahh, Spring. It's lovely. It was a very warm Easter, 80 degrees! Easter is so unpredictable. The last few years were very cold and I have pictures of the kids hunting for eggs dressed in winter coats. This year they were in shorts and tshirts!

I am hearing...The scratch of crayons. Maria and Tess are coloring paper plates. :)

I am thinking...that the spirit is willing but the body is weak. I am motivated and feeling pretty good, energy-wise, to get stuff done around here. My lower back and hips beg otherwise.

I am thankful for...a healthy, if uncomfortable pregnancy. And for a better mental attitude than last week. I'm ok waiting for this baby to come in it's own time.

I am wearing...oh, embarrassing....pajama pants and a tshirt, socks. I'm dressed for working at home today and staying as comfy as possible.

We are currently reading...Still reading The Long Winter with Kain. Maria is reading The Greeks from Usborne. Still reading our Easter picture books.

I am praying...for two Grandmom's and their health problems.

Latest on the babies...Waiting on this baby to arrive, of course. He feels big and heavy, though a couple of people have said that I don't look as big as I did with Tess. I'm not so sure about that. I feel enormous. And so do my feet...I'm swelling quite a bit! Jack started OT last week and it went ok as far as I know. He doesn't tell me much at the time. It's not his way. He tends to spontaneously say something about things when he's ready, not when he's questioned. Later that day, he was feeling chatty, and so I asked about therapy again and he said they had a ball pit and a slide. :)

From the kitchen...I'm laying into my freezer meals already. I know...they are supposed to be for after the baby is born, but I don't care. I can't imagine feeling less like cooking then than I do now. Easter was very easy for me. We went to my family's for dinner, and all I had to bring was drinks!

Around the house...I finally purged and sorted through the children's clothes. Maria and I spent all day yesterday doing this. It's quite a job, especially since over the last couple of years everything has gotten unsorted and jumbled together. I started by cleaning through closets and drawers, pulling out all outgrown clothes to take upstairs. Then we emptied all the containers of clothes onto my bedroom floor into one ENORMOUS pile. Then began the sorting. And sorting. And sorting. Boxes for shoes, neutral clothing, cloth diapers that don't fit Tess anymore and won't fit the baby yet, outgrown clothes of all kinds...and pulling out spring and summer clothes for Tess and Jack, mostly, but a few things I had put away for Maria and Kain too. And of course, pulling out teeny baby things. Today I am cleaning up the mess that happened when I spent the day upstairs yesterday, and catching up on all our laundry, hopefully for the last time...after this point I will do laundry daily so as to have plenty available when we need to pack up to leave. Once all our laundry is done, I'll wash and put away the baby's things. They are clean, but I'd like to give them another wash to get rid of any dust/cat hair.

In the learning room- Working on making a PECS schedule for Jack. This is a kind of pictorial schedule used for autistic children.

In the garden- nothing on my part. John is working on a yard clean-up as I type.

Plans for the rest of the week...PSR tonight, Kain is visiting my parents until tomorrow. Maria has state testing in the morning, and the littles and I will meet friends at the park during the test. Co-op on Thursday. Therapies on Friday, and a midwife visit. Or else, I'll just be having a baby. :) I said I was *ok* waiting, not that I was enjoying it!

A Palm Sunday daybook

2010-03-28T16:28:00.003-04:00

I'm posting this today because I'm going to stay off the computer for Holy Week. I'll bet I'll find time to get some of these pre-baby things done then! The computer has just been way too easy a way to feed my lazy behavior.... But if I'm lucky enough to go into labor, I'll let ya'll know! :)

Outside my window...It's beautiful right now, if a bit chilly. Not sure what the actual temp is, probably in the 50's, but a chilly wind is blowing.

I am hearing...Elmo's World

I am thinking...that I'm sloooowly getting some things done, but at a pathetic pace...still having a lot of aches and pains, so I unload the dishwasher, and sit for 10 minutes, and load the dishwasher, and sit for 10 minutes, etc. It works, if you aren't hoping to get too much done in a day. The trick is to keep the 10 minutes from turning into an hour.

I am thankful for...baby kicks. This guy had a rather quiet couple of weeks,,,I even laid down and did kick counts a few times. He must have just been resting up for a growth spurt, because he's very active again and packing a punch.

I am wearing...olive green yoga pants, what I now live in, and a black long sleeved shirt. Sneakers, because they are the only things I can stand to wear over this stupid plantar's wart. Come on, St. Peter!

We are currently reading...I'm still reading The Autism Book. I've been re-reading parts of A Mother's Rule of Life to try and give my self a kick in the pants. Kain and I are still reading The Long Winter. I have some Easter picture books out for the littles.

I am praying...for an early birthday for this baby. :)

Latest on the babies...38 weeks! So close, and yet so far away! Tessie's latest words include "toto" for tomatoes, which she *loves*, and "Caillou", her favorite program. Yes, my toddler watches too much pbs. *Everyone* is watching too much tv right now. I'll deal with it post-baby. I don't have the gumption to care right now. She is also putting together more sentences, like "Where's the ball? Where'd it go?"

From the kitchen...cereal. Toast. Leftovers. Easy crock pot meals. I'll make hot cross buns for Good Friday. John's birthday is April 1st, so we will have a corny April Fool's Day dessert like we usually do, but on Tuesday instead because April 1st is also Holy Thursday and it doesn't seem appropriate to celebrate then. Besides, he's working on the 1st. We are having Easter dinner at my parents' this year, and my big contributions are drinks and cupcakes.

Around the house...The living room may never get painted. Tuesday was my first "living room painting day", but now we are celebrating John's birthday on that day and I can't really very well put him to work moving furniture and hauling ladders and such. I'm playing it by ear, I have hopes...but it's all going to depend on when this baby actually comes I guess.

In the learning room...I've actually been spending quite a lot of time here making some plans for the littles for some summer learning.

In the garden- Forsythia, daffodils, hyacinths blooming...all with no help from me.

Plans for the rest of the week...Other than what I already mentioned in the kitchen section, we will start watching Jesus of Nazareth tonight. We do that every year during Holy Week. I'll attend mass/services on Holy Thursday and Good Friday, alone since John is working. Wish me luck there. Evening stuff is rough with the littles. We'll dye eggs on Saturday, and after mass and egg hunting we will go visit family on Easter.

Have a blessed Holy Week!

a prayer for oomph

2010-03-25T19:03:00.004-04:00

I. Am. So. Lazy.

I have no oomph. I want to have this baby and go back to normal. Stop laughing. Yeah, yeah, I know, nothing brings "normal" back like a newborn. I still am ready to have this baby. Because, really, I usually do just feel much better once the baby is here. And the baby is coming, regardless, and we are going to have to find that new normal anyway, so I'd just as soon do it now, thank you. Right after I catch up the laundry. So, that's what I need. The kick in the pants, just a week's worth of steam really, to go do all the things I still need to do, get the cleaning and laundry caught up nicely, etc. I mean, I haven't gotten *anything* ready. I haven't even broken out the wee little baby clothes, washed them, and put them in the dresser. Don't feel sorry for me. Yell at me. That's what I need. I need good Old Fashioned Catholic Guilt. I need Sister Mary Carmela, my 5th grade teacher, to come over here and find me sitting on the couch watching Good Morning America and say, "Look at that crucifix! Our good Lord suffered and died for your sins and look at you, just sitting here being slothful! You aren't even folding laundry or anything while you are sitting here! Get up! Go, fulfill the duties of your vocation and offer it up for the Holy Souls in Purgatory! Do it for the good of your own sorry soul so that you may spend as little time there as possible when you face the Judgement of God!"

Ah, I mean no disrespect to Sister. I loved Sister Mary Carmela. She was one of my favorite teachers. She was one of those rare teachers that maintained perfect control of a classroom full of children and never even raised her voice. Or her ruler. She was very strict, but very fair, and the one thing I remember being most impressed with, even at age 10, was how very respectful she was of her students. There was this one unfortunate boy, Michael, in our class (doesn't every class have one?) that was very socially awkward and was teased quite a lot. I use the term awkward kindly. He really was a bizarre child. I'm not talking about a picked-on shy wallflower (that would have been MY role in the classroom), I'm talking about a child that had no friends and seemed to really not know how to make any. He antagonized the heck out of everyone and really was his own worst enemy. I think today he would be diagnosed with Asperger's or something. Anyway, he was going on and on about maps and directions one day in class, and the other boys were moaning and groaning about how terribly dorky it all was. Sister quietly had Michael sit down and, in a low and controlled tone, told us how terribly gifted Michael was in this area, how God has given his this gift or understanding maps and directions, how really he was quite a human compass, and how wrong it was for anyone to tease him for expressing his gift. She did not do this in a lecturing way, but in a motivational speaker sort of way so that by the end of it everyone just looked rather ashamed with themselves and grudgingly impressed with Michael. Me? I was impressed with Sister. What a talent with children! And, yes, she could deliver an old school Catholic guilt trip when appropriate.

Anyway, here's to you Sister, wherever you now are...she may be a little old nun somewhere now. Or she may be with God. If she is, I hope she'll pray me up some of her talents. In the meantime...thanks for reading this rambling post and helping me procrastinate some more. Now I really, really really, am off to do some laundry.

a bit late daybook

2010-03-23T07:33:00.003-04:00

Outside my window...insanity. Last week it was in the 60's and beautiful. Then it snowed 10 inches and we had a hard freeze over the weekend. Yesterday it was in the 60's and sunny again and everything is almost melted already...and has turned the yard into a sopping mess. It's very weird to scrape snow off your van when it's too warm for a coat.

I am hearing...Jack chattering softly to himself. He woke up too early, and I'm trying to sell him on the idea of dozing back off on the couch.

I am thinking...about priorities. We are all off kilter here. Our daily routines are kind of a mess and we are just kind of flying by the seat of our pants every day. It's not good for anyone, especially the boys. I really need to work on our routines and get back into a good schedule. But, we are already hitting that "waiting for baby" limbo where it just seems futile to try and make new plans. So, I'm working on simple, open plans, not a schedule so much as a routine of events, open and gentle enough to carry us back into a new normal after the baby arrives, and maybe even through the summer.

I am thankful for...a husband that comes grocery shopping with me. Yesterday I just reached the "I can't take another step" point and left John to check out alone while I parked it on a bench.

I am wearing...gray capris, a white tank top with a black long sleeve shirt over it.

We are currently reading...Kain and I are reading The Long Winter. I love this one in the series. I always enjoy the children's reactions to reading about real and actual hardship...they don't appreciate how insulated they are from such things. Hunger around here is running out of favorite snacks before shopping day comes around again. I'm reading Dr. Bob Sears' new Autism Book...it just came out!

I am praying...that this baby doesn't go 10 days late like the last one. Please. Pretty please.

Pondering these words... "Let the mouth also fast from disgraceful speeches and railings. For what does it profit if we abstain from fish and fowl and yet bite and devour our brothers and sisters? The evil speaker eats the flesh of his brother and bites the body of his neighbor. " St. John Chrysostom

Latest on the babies...We are 37 weeks along. Wow! And I am in pain. I seem to have developed pubic symphisis dysfunction. I've diagnosed myself, heh. The two halves of the pelvic bone come together in a joint of cartilage at the front of your pelvis. Close to birth, hormones cause this joint to relax so it can separate during birth and help the baby pass through. In later pregnancies, this can happen a bit early. It can be quite disabling. I wouldn't say I've hit the "disabling" stage, but I've definitely hit the "in some degree of pain most of the time" stage. The softening causes the joint to be unstable and slip back and forth when walking, rolling over in bed, etc. This is cramping my plans a bit too. I wanted to start painting the living room next week. I'm not sure I can make that happen now. I feel like I could handle it with help from John and Maria, but I'm afraid of making this worse. Hmmm...

Jack is starting OT very soon, probably next week. He'll be going twice a week. They've also managed to switch Kain's OT appointment so it lines up with one of Jack's, so that will make life more manageable. We are still waiting on speech, because we are still waiting on our report from the children's hospital to arrive. But not at all in an obsessive "anxiously checking the mail everyday" kind of way. Nope. Not me.

From the kitchen...hahaha! Ok, no, sorry. Let's see. We switched over to a new spring/summer lunch menu. It's nothing impressive, just some different things that don't require use of the oven. Still fast and simple. I've not made any more freezer meals. But I am keeping meals very simple and collecting even simpler "fast food" type recipes to use in the coming weeks. I probably have about 10 freezer meals, so that's something.

Around the house...standing paint supplies.

In the learning room...again, just working with Maria mostly. I ordered her a new spelling program. That's a weird thing to do in March, huh? We will work on it through the summer though. Her spelling is just...atrocious. I'm making one last ditch effort with something new that was highly recommended for dyslexics. You can see it here.

In the garden- Our bulbs started coming up. Now they are covered with snow. Not sure what will happen to them now. Maria has been clipping branches of forsythia to force into bloom indoors. They still haven't bloomed outside. Usually they bloom in February, but we have had a weird, long-running winter.

Plans for the rest of the week...This month has been insanely busy. Things are slowing down this week, thankfully, and should stay a bit saner as I avoid scheduling as much as possible and activities begin to wind up for the school year towards May. Kain is still in day treatment and should be getting out sometime after the baby comes...hopefully later than sooner. I'm not sure if I am going to homeschool him next year and change my mind about it constantly. I want to homeschool him. I'm just not sure I'm up to homeschooling someone that I have to do battle with over things like rinsing his toothbrush, you know? I guess we have the summer to figure it out.

He's singin' my song

2010-03-19T20:11:00.001-04:00

Fun With Saints!

2010-03-14T11:49:00.004-04:00

So, the reason I was in the clinic the other day was because I have an extremely painful plantar wart on my foot. These are notoriously difficult to get rid of, but I'm trying. My last ditch solution is to have it removed, which is usually no simple task because they can grow quite deep. I'm not thrilled with the idea of spending my last few weeks of pregnancy hobbling around with this thing as I try different remedies. I'm not wanting to have it cut out. But I can't even tolerate walking on it at all unless I have sneakers on, and I'm just picturing myself in active labor, limping around the birthing center in my pajamas and sneakers. So, it seems like a small and petty thing, but I'm praying for divine intervention and asking for the prayers of St. Podiatrus, the patron Saint of foot disorders. He was an ancient Roman martyr, and before he was killed he had his feet cut off and had to watch as they were fed to the lions.

I'm totally kidding. Haha! John and I made that up this morning after wondering who the patron Saint of foot disorders is. Because one thing we knew for sure, there definitely would BE one. There's a patron Saint for *everything*! So, I looked it up and found.....

...there are TWO! Bonus!

St. Peter the Apostle

and St. Servatus

I have put some time into researching why these two are the patron Saints of foot issues, and I have not come up with much! St. Servatus, especially, I've never even heard of. He was a Bishop in the early church in what is now Belgium. As with many very early Saints, there is a wide overlap of historical fact and legend. But I found nothing about feet, hehe. It's hard to say how some early Saints, especially, became patrons of different things...many times it started out as a tradition based on some little known fact about their life or death, so something related to a miracle attributed to them. Anyone know? Because now I'm just curious!

old and pregnant

2010-03-12T19:17:00.005-05:00

I recently went to a clinic for something un-pregnancy related. I was chatting with the nurse, and she was asking me about my pregnancy, and of course the inevitable happened...she found out that this baby will make us a family of seven. I saw the shocked look on her face and tried to make ready for the questions that so often follow that look. But this time it was my turn to be surprised. She said, "Well, I've been thinking about having another baby. But...isn't it harder now that you are older?"

Hmmm. Well, that was a new one, at least to be asked so directly. I mean, it's no big secret. I know I'm considered old to be pregnant. This is written on my prenatal chart in fact...except they call it by the arguably more sensitive term, "advanced maternal age". It's a risk factor for this pregnancy, and any that follow...old eggs and all. I earned it by turning 35 this past October. I felt the pressure to defend my situation, to speak some pro-life, pro-family significance that would make a gentle but strong statement about being open to more children. I had nothin'. It was too unexpected, it caught me off-guard, so I was just honest. Yes, it is harder now that I'm older. It's a lot harder to be pregnant at 35 than it was at 21. I'm having a really hard time these last few weeks. Not just because my back hurts and my hips hurt and all of that, but even more so because I'm *profoundly exhausted* by 3 o'clock in the afternoon, even with plenty of iron supplements and an afternoon nap. And, also unlike being pregnant at 21, I have other children to care for, so giving in to my exhaustion and just ordering take-out and crashing on the couch until an early bedtime is not really an option. And I'm a little afraid that after this baby is born I'm going to need a little wagon to pull my uterus around behind me for the rest of my life.

I guess the more relevant question would be, is it worth it? Would I do it all over again? *Am* I planning to do it again? And the answer to that would be, yes, God willing, I am planning to do it again, and yes, it's worth it. I mean, come on, in a few weeks I'm going to have a *baby*! Babies are beautiful! They are soft and warm and squishy and snoogly and completely worth a few weeks of fatigue and a few drooping body parts. Not to mention co-creating an eternal soul to serve God for all eternity. Oh, that's a lofty thought! One that's easy to forget in the face of the very earthy concerns of sciatic nerve pain and swollen ankles. But that's another benefit of age...perspective. I know that this will pass, quickly pass, that in a few weeks, even weeks like these that feel like an eternity, this baby will be here among us, and we will all marvel at him, "so fresh from God", and we will look at his sweet face and breathe his yummy baby smell and we will know. We will know he was worth this, and much more.

The picture of evil

2010-03-10T07:59:00.002-05:00

I detest these things. I have no idea how long they've been around, but I had my first child 13 years ago, and they were just as evil then. You think they could improve these somehow. When Maria was born, I spent 23 hours fighting with the nurses over the fetal monitors. They would only work if I was perfectly still and laying nearly flat. Every time I tried to reposition myself, or shift my legs, or BREATHE, they would lose her heartrate and some nurse would come in a gripe at me to be still. For 23 hours. Of active, pitocin-induced labor. Evil. And that memory of being strapped into a bed for 23 hours was probably my main motivation for seeking out homebirth information for my next pregnancy.

Well, the other night I got to revisit the fetal monitors. After my last post, my blood pressure zoomed on up to 220/120, and we ended up in the ER of a local maternity hospital. I was attached to the monitors for just three hours this time, which might not have been so bad in an actual bed, but since it was an ER I was on a gurney. It was so, so uncomfortable and my back is still feeling it. Why oh why can't they come up with something that works better than this?

Anyway, gripe over. The rest of that story is that once I got to the ER, even though my blood pressure had been rising at the midwife's office and high at home all weekend, it was normal when I got to the hospital and stayed normal...better than normal, in fact. When I left, it was 116/68! I thought maybe it was the herbal stuff the midwife prescribed kicking in, but I haven't taken it since...I've just been monitoring my blood pressure to see what happens first...and it has stayed down. I do believe we've had a mini-miracle. Heaven knows (literally!) that I had plenty of good people praying for me. Here's hoping for an uneventful next few weeks!

ramblings

2010-03-08T21:01:00.003-05:00

---I'm feeling tired and spacey and a bit overwhelmed,,couldn't get it together to post a daybook. So, I just thought I'd post some thoughts and happenings.

---Jack had occupational therapy for the first time today. Actually, it was his evaluation. He didn't handle it too well. He and Tess had a fever a couple of days ago that has since resolved, but they have both had some diarrhea today and I think that's what his issue might have been. He had diarrhea twice when we got home. I have a feeling he was spending most of his energy trying not to poop. Ah well...the therapist seems very nice and has lots of good autism experience. She thinks Jack will qualify for as much as three hours of OT a week!

---It's a loaded month. Maria has many Irish dance performances and extra practices, what with St. Patty's Day and all. And Kain is supposed to be coming home from day treatment soon. Jack will be getting evaluated for speech therapy as soon as we get his reports from the developmental pediatrician, and I need to schedule an audiologist appointment for him as well. My brain is pregnant and overwhelmed and swimming just a bit. I've finally just about finished organizing the schoolroom (YAY!), but I've got lots more I want to get done.

---And on that note...my blood pressure is up. I've not had this happen before, and frankly, I'm not very happy about it. My pregnancies are all disgustingly healthy and normal and I've just kind of taken that for granted I guess, because it was a bit of a surprise when this happened. I mean, I had gallbladder issues with Tess, but that didn't really affect my actual pregnancy much. Other than the agonizing crawling-on-the-floor, puking-in-a-bowl pain. hehe. Anyway, I had a midwife visit last Friday and it was 140-ish over 90-something. I've been having John keep an eye on it over the weekend, and today it got up to 150/110. Not good news, people. I called my midwife and she has prescribed a bunch of herby stuff to try overnight and I'm supposed to call her in the morning. If it doesn't go down, I have to go in to get "checked out". I'm not really sure what this means. Her back-up obstetrician up and had a heart-attack a few weeks ago (rude!) and his practice has closed, so technically she doesn't really have a back-up doctor at the moment. I'm not sure who would check me out, if I would end up in some other office or at the hospital or what. Either way...not happy about it all. I'm trying to keep it in perspective. I don't have any other symptoms to worry about (abdominal pain, headaches, swelling, etc). And baby is still moving around frequently. I really, really don't want to go see some random doctor, I really, really don't want to have to have this baby in a hospital, and I REALLY, REALLY don't want to be induced. I really don't like feeling like I'm losing control over this. I'm trying to remember that I never really had control over this to begin with, and at the end of this pregnancy, having a healthy baby and momma is going to be blessing enough.

A spring is springing daybook

2010-02-28T19:48:00.005-05:00

Outside my window...it is dark. I'm writing this daybook on Sunday night instead of Monday morning, because I'm having an "inservice day" tomorrow. :) I asked John for four of his days off between now and when the baby arrives to get some things done around here. Tomorrow is my first one, and I'm planning to spend zero time on the computer to make the most of it!

I am hearing...Caillou on for Jack, John rustling the Sunday paper. Kain is coughing, when he's not complaining about having to do his zone pick-up.

I am thinking...that this baby still seems so surreal to me most of the time. But sometimes not. Sometimes I suddenly picture little curled up limbs and a soft, sweet-smelling head and can't believe we will have a new little person here in just a few weeks.

I am thankful for...options. I'm glad I have the options that I do for Jack. If I had to work, as I have in the past, homeschooling him wouldn't even be something we could consider. Also, for speedy ER's. Tess dislocated her elbow Friday night! Maria was playing with her on our bed and grabbed her by the arm to pull her towards her, and it popped out. It was terrible. :( But it could have been a lot worse. For one thing, John was off of work, so that helped. And the ER was insanely empty for a Friday night. They had us back in a room in a few minutes, the doctor walked in and popped it back into place before we even knew what he was doing, we got an xray to make sure it was ok, and we were sent on our way, one hour and $100 co-payment later. I barely had time to be embarassed that Tess desperately needed a bath or that I realized too late that my white shirt was stained with coffee.

I am wearing... gray sweat pants and a teal green maternity shirt, socks and sneakers. I had a maternity skirt on for mass, but all my maternity pants/skirts are terribly uncomfortable now. I may spend the rest of my pregnancy in pajamas.

We are currently reading...Kain and I are finishing On the Shores of Silver Lake. Maria is still reading the Regina Doman books. Kain is reading Story of the World 3. Tessie loves "The Very Lonely Firefly" right now and her newest word is "Fiefly".

I am praying...for discernment for our coming school year.

Latest on the babies...Tess also says, "Pies!", which means "Suprise!", and many other new words. She's at the stage of picking up words daily, including a couple of new sentences like, "It's a ball." and "Where'd it go?"
Little Honey Five is now 34 weeks along! Yikes! And bigger, for sure...he's moving less, and when he does really get to moving it almost hurts. I can tell he must be getting cramped in there!

From the kitchen... Oh my goodness. I'm doing good just to get dinner on the table lately. I'm tired. I would like to make some pretzels with the kids one day this week. I have no freezer meals planned for this week and made none last week either. I'm running out of steam.

Around the house...well, there's my work day tomorrow. I'm planning to finish it finally finishing the schoolroom and purging the toy closet. I also plan to start working on organizing/purging the boxes of outgrown clothes upstairs and having the baby clothes easy to find in a few weeks.

In the learning room...Survival mode there too. Kain is still at day treatment. I'm mostly focused on Maria right now and getting as much school work done with her as I can before my due date arrives.

In the garden...it's time to start getting seedlings going,but I don't think I'm going to do much of that kind of thing this year. I was going to, but then I decided to be realistic here. I've got a baby arriving in April, and therapies to get started with Jack, and I have a feeling we will be working on rhythms around the house a lot this summer. I will probably just plant a few tomatoes this year. There are crocuses and daffodils starting to come up in the flower beds out front, and buds starting to form on the forsythia bushes. I'm too excited about the forsythia. I bought three teeny bushes on clearance for $5 a piece at the end of last spring. They've grown like crazy, but I've never seen them bloom yet!

Plans for the rest of the week...in addition to my work day tomorrow, I need to make a stupid doctor's appointment. This is so nuts, but a while back I got a piece of glass or something in my foot, I don't even know what,,,I didn't feel it when it happened so I never saw what it was. Anyway, I was waiting to see if it would work it's way out, and it didn't. Then right after that was when we had the whole trip to the children's hospital for Jack, and I never have done anything about it. It really hurts, whatever it is. So, now I have to go to the doctor and have this thing cut out of my foot. Maria has extra Irish dance practices/performances most of the month...St. Patrick's Day you know. Co-op on Thursday, it's pajama/pancake breakfast day there. And I have a midwife appointment on Friday.

Our week in pictures...Oh dear. I found my camera cable! But I still haven't downloaded my pictures. I will do that this week, really. I have a precious video of Tessie doing the Itsy Bitsy Spider too, but I will have to try to record that again, because part way through the song Jack runs through the background necked as a jaybird. Probably shouldn't post that on the blog.

Oh, come ON!

2010-02-23T17:30:00.001-05:00

Maria- "Mom, can a penny be worth a lot of money if it's really old?"

Me- "I don't know, maybe. I don't really know anything about old coins."

Maria- "Well, I found a penny from 1979!"

What they said....

2010-02-20T20:18:00.005-05:00

Kain- "Can I play the Wii?"

Me- "Sure, as soon as your Saturday chores are done."

Kain, in a wailing shriek as he stomps off- "You know, I worked hard all week! And now I have to do chores today, and chores tomorrow, and then work again all week again next week, and then I'll grow up and get a job and work until I DIE!"

Me- "Yep! That's pretty much how it goes."

the diagnosis

2010-02-20T15:45:00.004-05:00

So...I'll start with the gist, and then go through the details. I figure not everyone will be interested in all the details, but they'll be here for me, and for anyone else who might wonder what such an evaluation entails.

Jack has been diagnosed with classic autism. Not Asperger's. Not PDD. I'm still learning my way around all the labels, but apparently his language skills and other delays are too impaired for a diagnosis of Asperger's. PPD-NOS is a child who is more impaired than one with Asperger's, but doesn't have all the criteria for classic autism. He is considered to be on the higher-functioning side, as far as autism goes, because he can and does speak in complete sentences and has for some time now. There are further degrees of impairment, like Rett Syndrome and Childhood Disintegrative Disorder. These are further on down the autism scale, more rare and very devastating. So...it could always be worse I guess. He is not as impaired as this guy...

...poor Rain Man. I wonder now what his prognosis would have been if he hadn't been institutionalized?

I have put off this long post. I'm tired. My brain is tired. Jack spent yesterday very strung-out and miserable, so I'm sure he's feeling it too. Poor John has had to work all weekend, I can't imagine having to deal with work after the roller coaster we've been on. Other than a midwife visit and a trip to pick up milk and peanut butter, I have gotten nothing done for two days other than eating/sleeping/breathing autism. Tomorrow I vow to do none of that. Life must go on here, my emotions need a little break, and I need to deal with some things around the house and spend time with the children. On Monday I will have more phone calls to make and decisions to ponder, and I will for some time to come I imagine, but all of that can sit until Monday.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, now I'll run through the events of that day. We arrived at the clinic a bit early, around 7:30. We weren't sure of the exact location and didn't know what the parking situation would be, so we got an early start. We checked in and gave them our paperwork and they gave us...more paperwork! haha! At least three times that day I was given more paperwork that essentially asked, in one form or another, the same questions as the original paperwork. My current theory is that they were testing the sanity of the mother this way. Have you ever taken a written psychiatric exam? They ask the same questions several times throughout the exam, looking for inconsistencies in your answers. That's what this felt like. So, I sat down with these forms and Jack set off to play in the very cute, child-friendly waiting room filled with fun things to do and a steady loop of Disney movies on the TV. The nurse practitioner called Jack back to be weighed and measured and all of that good stuff, and then we were led back to an itty bitty conference room packed with a table, five chairs, and a kid's table with a few toys on it. We met with the developmental pediatrician, his nurse, and a student of some kind (being a teaching hospital and all). They went over the paperwork we had filled out, asking for clarification and more details on some things. The nurse occasionally made observations about Jack to the doctor about certain things, the way he said certain things, the posturing of his hands, etc. I quickly got the impression that we had missed a lot, and also that these people could probably pick autistic kids out of the Wal-mart check out line. Going through all of the paperwork took some time, and Jack got a bit restless. The nurse pulled him on her lap, and he allowed this for a time. She was very lively and sweet, and he seemed to take to her. Finally, the nurse-practitioner came in and the doctor told her that we would need to see quite a few more people because we were "complex" (not a good sign, I figured). We were sent back out to the waiting room until they could figure out the rest of the day for us. Apparently there had to be some schedule juggling so they could try to fit us in to see the people they wanted us to see. Jack was already getting a bit bored with the waiting room. I broke out his snack and water bottle, and I called home at this point and gave an update to my mom, and she gave me an update on the other kids. Tess, she said, had woken up very upset and inconsolable. She wanted nothing to do with Meme or Maria and kept saying, "NO, NO! MAMA!" I ached to be home with her, my sweet girl. She'd never been away from me for anything longer than a grocery shopping trip.

After some time, a woman came out to get Jack for a speech evaluation. She wanted to test him alone, and after a little cajoling he was ok with that. She brought him back about 20 minutes or so later, and Jack announced he was ready to go home. When that didn't happen, he started to get more and more agitated. He was already feeling the strain of the day. He wasn't interested in the movie, and he wanted nothing to do with the toys or books I brought. John found a vending machine and bought some cookies to try and keep him happy for a bit. Then he took him for a short walk around the sidewalk in front of the building. Finally, they called Jack and I back for the ADOS...the autism diagnostic observation schedule. We were led into a room with the nurse, a therapist, and a couple of tables. There were a few toys on the floor and a few more on a small table. I soon recognized the protocol. It's shown on this website, in the video glossary. First, she just observed Jack as he zoomed in on the toys. I sat on a couch and tried to be unobtrusive. I figured they would want it that way. They were looking to see how he played with the toys, which ones he was drawn to, how he played with them, if he had the social development to show them to one of us and interact with the people in the room at all, that kind of thing. He quickly sat on the floor and fixated on this jukebox, repeatedly pushing the buttons in order, A-B-C-D, 1-2-3-4, A-B-C-D, 1-2-3-4, on and on and on. "Jack!" the therapist said. A-B-C-D, 1-2-3-4. "JACK!" she said, louder. After a few attempts, he finally tuned her in and looked up. "Would you like to see the toys on the table?" He went over to the table and picked up a wooden block covered with sandpaper and licked it. Ick. Then he picked up a pop up toy similar to this one. At first he forcibly pulled the characters out, but soon he figured out the knobs and levers and started working them. One after another, from left to right, over and over. At one point, he picked up a small board book, a simple one with pictures of vehicles and one word on each page. He quickly flipped through the book and read it aloud softly, then went back to the pop up toy. At this point, I became aware of a deep voice murmuring close to my head and realized that there was an observational window behind the couch I was sitting on. The doctor, and someone else, was watching. It all felt very police line-up. I suddenly felt a bit self-conscious, but Jack was oblivious. The therapist had gotten up and started to abruptly gather the toys without comment and put them in a large file drawer. She left only the book. Jack got up and followed her and tried to open the drawer, but she blocked it from opening and told him to look at the book. I got the impression she was testing how he reacted to transitioning, or to being frustrated maybe. Jack is a pretty mellow guy most of the time though, and he didn't react much. There was a sheet covered table in the corner and she began to bring some things out from under the sheet one at a time...a toy frog that she made ribbit and hop, then handed it to Jack to see if he would imitate her. He did. Then a container of bubble solution and a squeeze toy that blew bubbles. He imitated her here too, and also chased and popped bubbles. Then she handed the toy to him, but blocked his access to the bubble solution with her hand. She was wanting to see if how he would get her to move her hand. He poked her hand a few times with the toy. Then he asked for more, and she smiled and said yes and let him have a dip. She repeated this a couple of times, and he got better, asking for more each time. She put the bubbles away and brought out a balloon. She blew it up, slowly and dramatically, and said, "Ready! Set! Go!" and let it fly around the room. He loved that, and squealed and chased down the balloon. He went to put it in his mouth (Ick again!) and she intercepted it and did it again a couple of times. By the end, Jack was saying "Ready! Set! Go!" himself, which I think was what they were looking for. Finally, she brought out a baby doll, some play dishes, a few tinker toy rods, and some playdough. She sat at the table and said they were going to have a birthday party for the baby. She put the play dough on a plate and stuck the sticks into it for candles, and she set the table with a few dishes. They pretended to blow out the candles, which Jack liked, and then she asked Jack to give the baby some cake, kind of showing how to cut the cake with the utensils. Jack poked and made some cutting into the cake, but he wouldn't feed the baby. She poured some "juice" for the baby, but Jack wasn't interested in that either. He did try to eat some play dough. Ick. She said, "Oh no!" several times during the course of the session, and I was surprised that Jack had no reaction. Then, she said it again, and he fell apart, Rain Man style. It wasn't pretty. She was apologetic, she'd forgotten about his little weirdness with that phrase. Then she accidentally said it again and was super horrified with herself, apologizing and saying it was part of the script and she'd forgotten, and the nurse and I fell into near hysterics while I tried to soothe a very strung out Jack. It was all just so nuts. We were led back out to the waiting room where John was waiting. And we waited some more. A new nurse came in, this one through the front door of the clinic and not somewhere in the back, and asked to talk to me for a minute and asked if we would be willing to participate in a research project should Jack be diagnosed with autism. They were trying to get 300 kids to participate, and it was basically a periodic survey to find out what interventions, traditional or otherwise, that parents were pursuing, what they thought was and wasn't working, and using this information to help decide where research dollars should be spent. I said yes, of course, who wouldn't want more money for autism research? and was rewarded with more paperwork. Haha! I told John, "They are going to tell us he's autistic. And she knows it. She wouldn't have wasted her time coming over here to give us this and talk to us if she didn't know that." I filled it out, and Jack got progressively more irritated and restless. I went to the front desk and asked if we could go ahead and take a break for lunch, and the nurse came out and told us to go ahead. The IQ testing was next, and he would do better if he got a break.

We found a pizza place and had a nice break and returned around 1pm. Jack had fallen asleep in the van, so he even managed a little nap. Neither he nor I had slept well in the hotel. After some more waiting in what now felt like a wretched and un-child friendly waiting room, a different therapist came out and got Jack for the IQ testing. She also wanted to test him alone, and he went along willingly enough when she said she had some games for him to play. I was very, very sleepy at this point and so very much was ready to be done. Jack was returned to us after a while and we waited some more, and eventually we were called back to another conference room, a bit bigger than the one we had started the day in. Waiting there was the pediatrician, the nurse practitioner, the nurse, and the two therapists he had seen. The doctor said that Jack fit the criteria for an autism diagnosis. They went over the results with us. Immature play skills, poor social interaction, odd speech patterns, sensory issues...his IQ tested in the "borderline disability" range for both verbal and non-verbal IQ. The therapist was apologetic when she told us this, because everyone also knew about his special abilities as well, but the bottom line is that he didn't test well. An example she gave was showing him a picture of an envelope with the stamp in the wrong place and asking him what was "silly" with that picture. He couldn't answer appropriately. But he did read the name and address, written in cursive, on the front of the envelope. That kind of thing. And he would become fixated on a certain word and give it over and over again as the answer to the questions. She said that with some therapy to improve his attention and communication skills he would likely test much better. We were given a slew of printed information about autism and some phone numbers to take with us. The doctor gave us strict instructions to "start making calls tomorrow" to get therapy started for him. He also gave us some printouts with information we could use to help with his sleeping and pooping issues, and the number of a psychologist in our area we could try if those suggestions didn't work. This whole time, Jack was sitting snuggled up with his new nurse friend on the couch. They had become buddies. He really did like her. The doctor shook our hands and said we needed to come back in a year to be re-evaluated, and everyone but the nurses filed out. Jack's favorite was toting him around the room and asking him if he wanted to go home with her. "OK," he said. The other nurse said he was just the darling of the office. I'm imagining a lot of the kids they get are much less receptive to interacting with strangers. Jack, autistic or no, is a sweet and loving child once he warms up. And boy, he warmed up to her! :)

The nurse in charge of the research program came back in and reviewed our contact information with us and said if it was ok we might be contacted about other autism research projects, which we could choose to participate in or not. Then we had one last stop to make. We left the clinic and went to the children's hospital around the corner to have some blood drawn for genetic testing. This was the low point of the day. Jack had not had blood drawn since he was a baby. Knowing Jack and how he would react, we didn't prepare him for it. It really would have made it worse, if that's possible. Even though I was holding him on my lap and holding him as best I could, he fought and kicked the phlebotomist and blew the vein, so she had to stick him again, this time on an exam table with both John and I holding him down. He was unbelievably hysterical. It was terrible. But we were done. It was well after 4pm at this point, and we were glad to get in the van and make the long drive home. Jack was very restless on the drive back and very anxious to get there. We got home after 8pm and I was accosted by the other children, Kain and Maria jabbering a hundred miles an hour, filling me in on all I had missed, and a happy Tess in my arms. The first day back was rough. I slept badly, my typical 3rd trimester insomnia aggravated by my spinning brain. I felt like I kept waking up all night long, my brain whirling with all that had happened. Jack was very restless too, and very cranky all the next day. It's like he knew what had happened and acted more autistic than ever all day long. But we all slept better last night, and he seems more like himself today. I hope this all makes sense. I know it's long. I'm not even going to proofread it or anything, just post it and be done. I'm worn out and have dinner to get on the table, and I'm ready to start my little "autism Sabbath" now. :) Thank you all for following the beginning of our journey!

Jack, part 3, and a blessed Ash Wednesday

2010-02-17T07:25:00.003-05:00

Good morning! Thank you everyone for your kind and helpful comments and prayers, I do appreciate them all. I wish I could respond individually but it's been a busy few days and I've got tons to do to get out the door today for our little road trip. I did want to give one last post about Jack's history.

First, when I talk to people about Jack, I usually feel I'm getting one of two reactions. The first one is the "me too" reaction...especially about the speech issues and motor skill issues, from moms with boys, I would get the "my son did these things and he was fine" kind of thing. Which I'm sure is very true! We've seen it ourselves with extended family members. And even Maria had various sensory issues from the time she was a baby that led to weird little behaviors like refusing to be in the same room with a flushing toilet or vacuum cleaner until she was seven years old. hehe. Other than maybe the eye contact issue, I can't really point to one of the items I listed yesterday and say, "This means he has autism." We have a couple of friends with autistic kids, and I will find myself studying them and saying, "Oh, Jack does that. He must have it. But he doesn't do that, or that. Maybe he doesn't have it." The truth is that autism is a spectrum, and it affects different kids very differently...no two kids with it will look the same. And also, I'm not attached to having an autistic child. If they tell me tomorrow, "Hey, your son is fine, he just needs a little speech therapy and you'll be good to go," I will be doing the happy dance all the way home, believe me.

The other reaction I feel sometimes, and it's probably deserved, is at the other end..."what the heck is up with this? Why didn't you get him evaluated sooner?" Well, there's lots of reasons why we were able to poo poo this away for so long. For one thing, our pediatrician let us. Well-child visits are not what they ought to be, and screenings for autism are not what they ought to be. He's been to every well-child visit, and other than making sure he was making that eye contact as a baby, they were never concerned with anything but his speech, and that always progressed just enough to make everyone comfortable taking a "wait and see" approach to pursuing speech therapy. The possibility of autism was never, ever brought up by any doctor at his pediatric clinic. We were the ones that finally sought a referral. And Jack's symptoms were so subtle for so long and easy to explain away. These things became issues slowly over a period of five years,,,it wasn't quite as obvious a picture as I painted when I just made a list of all the problems he's ever had yesterday. Lots of kids are picky eaters. Lots of kids are slow to develop motor skills. Lots of kids are introverted. Lots of kids are slow to speak well. Lots of preschoolers have tantrums and trouble expressing themselves. Lots of preschoolers have weird little obsessions and routines. It wasn't until he was about 3 1/2 that I started to become concerned. But even then, we felt like maybe we were just comparing him to Maria, who was extraordinarily verbal and has always had amazing fine motor skills. It was only as he got older that I realized he was falling further behind, that his behaviors were becoming more and more pronounced. The hammer over the head was at VBS this past summer. Maria was a helper with the preschoolers, and she said, "Something is wrong with Jack. He doesn't act like the other kids." And I watched him, and she was right. Yes, there were kids, boys especially, that were distracted, that couldn't use scissors well, etc., but none really quite like Jack. I knew then, really knew. And I asked a friend of mine, a kindergarten teacher who knew Jack, and she said that yes, she did think there was something there. She was the first person to acknowledge this out loud, to not pat me on the hand and assure me that he was fine, and I cried over it, partly with grief but partly with relief of feeling like I was not crazy. And I talked to my husband, who insisted that Jack was fine, and I cried, and cried, and cried, and I researched and read, and I borrowed and bought books, and I talked to my husband again, who still insisted that Jack was fine, but I made an appointment with the pediatrician anyway and got the referral, and I cried some more and obsessed some more and dealt with this grief mostly alone because my husband still thought Jack was fine, and I filled out forms and got on a 5 month waiting list for this appointment, and I obsessed and read and mostly felt really alone on this journey, and I started to realize why so many moms with special needs kids are single mothers. Men, not all but most I think, are very, very good at denial, and very good at letting their wives deal with things like this alone. I saw it often as a pediatric nurse, most of the moms with kids with special needs, especially severe ones like Down's, CF, CP, etc, were single mothers. Some dads just flat walk out, but I think many times just the pain of both sides dealing with the problems so differently and not being able to reach each other tears them apart. I never thought my husband would be that guy, I never thought I'd be that needy, crying wife desperate for support, and it was a very difficult time for me. He did eventually come around and is trying hard to prop me up through this, which I appreciate, but he still has a very different way of dealing with this than I do, and that has been painful still. I'm very glad he is coming with us to the evaluation, because he needs to hear what they have to say, needs to have someone else talk to him about Jack besides me.

So, this post has gotten really long, and the main reason I wanted to write this is because I didn't want to leave this as I did yesterday, a long list of all the things that Jack can't do. Because that is only half the story. Part of the reason we were able to reason away Jack's problems for so long is because there are a lot of areas he is quite gifted in. We recognize now that his obsessive interest in these areas is probably another symptom, but still, he has quite an amazing brain, if a quirky one. Jack has always been obsessed with letters and numbers, and at age two he could not only count to 30 but could recognize written numbers up that high as well. He could also recognize all of the upper and lower case letters by age three and knew what sounds they made and what words started with those letters, and by his fourth birthday he had taught himself how to read. He has always, always been obsessed with vehicles of any kind, something I'm sure is common to many boys, but once he could read his obsession took off for real. He learned from library books the name of every darned construction vehicle and machine, farm vehicles and machines, different kinds of trains...some of his first words were "backhoe", "combine" and "excavator". He has also always loved music. At age two, his favorite song was Handel's Messiah. I know very little about music, but with a couple of favorite read alouds he soon learned the names of all the instruments in the orchestra and started begging for a tuba and a violin. Of course, he doesn't have the motor skills at this time to be one of those tiny people with a tiny violin, but we did get a piano last year, and he promptly sat down and taught himself to play "Ode to Joy" after hearing Maria play it a few times. Later, he developed an interest in outer space, and on his own he found a picture book about the solar system on our shelves and taught himself the names of all the planets. He can do extraordinary things, this boy, and whether this is just another symptom of his diagnosis or no, his extraordinary abilities will surely help him achieve many things. I know his delays are many, I know we have a long way to go, but I really at this point have high hopes that we can catch up his delays with lots of good therapy and really see him bloom. I know he will always be quirky, I know he will always be "different". That's ok. In our house, we don't consider that a bad thing. In fact, in our house, being "different" is practically normal. :) I hope that homeschooling will shelter him from the meaness "different" people encounter in this world until he learns well that he is wonderful and loved just exactly the way God made him. And with that, my friends, I need to go and get busy. Many small things to take care of before leaving my three other kids for two days. Tess is at my knee with a board book demanding some attention, so I'm going to give her some and then get ready to leave after noon mass today. It will be so hard to leave Tess overnight, but siblings aren't allowed at these appointments. And I have a feeling it will be very difficult, even for me, to hear what they have to say. Keep us in prayers this Lent if you would. I'm sure I'll be back soon to post all about our appointment.

Jack, part two

2010-02-16T07:42:00.005-05:00

Ok, well, let's get down to the nitty-gritty. It's very difficult to continue chronologically at this point. Instead, I'm just going to run through the different areas of development on the packet. I think this will be the quickest way to go.

Feeding and nutrition- Jack is an extremely picky eater, and always has been. So is Kain, but unlike Kain, Jack's specifically seems to be purely a sensory issue. You can usually talk him into at least trying something, but he will gag and choke on almost anything not already on the list of "Jack foods". He will eat peanut butter sandwiches, peanut butter tortillas, string cheese, milk, crackers, popcorn, bananas, apples, and grapes. This makes up the bulk of his diet. There are other things he will eat, junkier stuff, that we don't have every day like pizza, McDonald's chicken nuggets and fries, tater tots, cookies, ice cream, chocolate and a couple of other types of candy. No veggies. No meat to speak of. No juice, few fruits. He does take a multi-vitamin. He hates it and gags and carries on, but I bribe him to take it with a couple of marshmallows. The list is smaller than it used to be. He used to eat fish sticks, pasta, scrambled eggs, plain chicken, carrots,,,he won't anymore. He grazes all day and it is very difficult to get him to sit at a table with us and eat. I'm trying to work on this, but it's difficult. He can reach most of the food himself now and I'll often just find him sitting upstairs with a box of crackers. He can't use a spoon and fork very well at all, but as you see in the list above, there's not many things he will eat that require a spoon and fork either. We are interested in trying the casein/gluten free diet that is so recommended by some people, but as you can see it will be difficult...what he does it is pretty much all casein and gluten! But we will give it a shot.

Self care and sleep- Sensory issues play into a lot here. He will not stay dressed at home. He does in public at least (now...it was an occasional issue in the past :)). But at home, he is constantly stripping off his clothes. He says he's too hot, but I don't think that's it. Our house is old and drafty and cold right now, and he will have purply, goose-bumped legs and freezing hands and feet and still refuse to keep clothes on. He will not poop in the toilet. He does have bowel control, but he will only go in a diaper. Any measures we try to take to work on this have only resulted in him refusing to poop at all, so we have let it go for now. He also has a lot of difficulty falling asleep. I've talked about that here before. We've tried melatonin, but it seemed to cause nightwaking and nightmares. He can't dress himself, except that he can pull on underwear and pants (if they have an elastic waist...almost all of his do) if you lay them out on the floor for him.

Motor skills- His gross motor skills are great. He can (and does) climb everything, flip somersaults, pedal a bike with training wheels. His fine motor skills are atrocious. Just this past summer he finally started to scribble with a crayon or pencil. I have seen him make a couple of letters recently with a magnadoodle though. Those seem to be a lot easier for him to use. He won't do playdough, thread beads or do any of the fun Montessori-type things I've tried to set up for him. He is very interested in using scissors, but so far all we've managed is making snips in a strip of cardstock with great difficulty. He doesn't have a lot of the typical autism behaviors like toe-walking or spinning, or rocking compulsively, though he will occasionally spin, especially if he is nervous and in a new situation. He doesn't hit or scratch himself, but he will pull on his ears REALLY HARD sometimes when he is upset.

Speech, language, hearing- His vocabulary is quite good, and he speaks well...there are a couple of sounds he has difficulty with, but nothing out of line for a five year old really. His issues are more subtle than that. The biggie is that he uses "scripted speech". He can't communicate well, can't express himself well, so he will kind of borrow phrases from movies he's seen or from the people around him, or he'll use a phrase inappropriately. The actual favorite phrases of the moment change every so often. For example, one of his latest is to scream, "I don't need you anyway", which is a line from Brother Bear. Or to say, "I'm going to lose the Wii", even if whatever he is upset about has nothing to do with the Wii. He can't usually answer questions that require more than a yes or no answer, or if he does his answer probably won't make any sense. Although he can speak in complete, even complex, sentences, he will often go out of his way to avoid doing so. For example, he will bring you a jar of peanut butter from the kitchen instead of asking you for a sandwich.

Sensory skills- Lots of little oddities to list here. He is very rarely physically affectionate with anyone but me. It didn't always used to be this way, but just kind of developed. This has been very sad to me, to see him withdrawal from his grandparents and even his dad in this way. He often mouths things like his clothing, licks his hands, and seeks out certain kinds of stimulation...for example, he loves to shove his hands or feet underneath people. Kain used to do this too, oddly enough. He loves to swing, which is nothing unusual, except that he will do nothing else. If we go to the park, he will happily let you push him on the swing the entire time we are there and will have no interest in doing anything else. He has weird little language issues. There are certain phrases (no, oh no, uh-oh, maybe a couple of others) that make him very upset and he will go to great lengths to avoid them. For example, he and Tess are watching Caillou right now. There's a part of the episode where someone says "Oh no", and so when it gets close to that point, Jack will cover his ears and start saying "AHHHHHHH" so he can't hear it. He won't let you read books that have any of those things in it. He even cried at Christmas time if we sang "The First Noel". You know..."Nooooo-ellll, Noooo-ellll". It's ok. You can laugh. We did too. Gotta have a sense of humor about these things. This little weirdness is probably the one thing that has interfered most with public behavior. We were sitting at our homeschool co-op waiting for Kain and Maria's classes to be done, and one of the moms was reading a book to her toddler. It was a Carl book, which has very few words, so she was ad libbing, and she kept saying, "Oh no!", and Jack would scream. Sigh. His sensory issues and issues with being touched by strangers have made attempted trips to the dentist and barber a special kind of torture for us all.

Play skills/social development- Jack does play, and I would say he even plays imaginatively, but not very often and not with most toys. He will set up his trains or cars and you can tell he is pretending something. And all last summer he had a "building site" going in the backyard. He does tend to line up toys, and this was one of the early things we noticed. He would line up cars, bumper to bumper, all across the house, or blocks, etc....we thought he was just building roads. But they were disturbingly straight, and there was no pretend play involved in this, just lining up. Then we saw him doing it with other things...books, shoes. He will not play with play dishes, dolls, etc. which is surely not unusual for many boys, but he can't even do it with prompting, like if you say, "can you pretend to mix a cake" or "can you put this baby doll to bed", he will have no idea how to do that even though he knows what those things mean. Even if you show him and then hand it to him to try...he won't do it. He will not sing, dance, or do hand rhymes, never has, though he does like music. He won't imitate hand gestures at all. We can't even get him to try the Sign of the Cross. He just doesn't seem to get it. He will say the words, but he won't move his hand. He didn't have any imitative play, i.e., playing hide and seek or peek a boo, copying things he sees us do...this absence has become so obvious now that we have Tess that I wonder why we never noticed it before. Tess will imitate *everything*. She will follow me around the house while I clean, fold laundry, etc., and copy what I do all day long. Jack never did anything like this. As for playing with other children,,,he's not really interested. When he is with a group of children, you will see him play along side other kids well enough if he happens to want to play with the same thing they do, and he seems to enjoy the idea of "going to see friends", but he doesn't really play *with* them. He is always content to just go do his own thing. He doesn't even really try to engage us. He doesn't do things like bring us things that he's built or show us things he finds outside, that kind of stuff.

Last, but not least, behavior- he really is not a major behavior problem. He's a pretty quiet kid, and many people that haven't spent a lot of time around him are surprised we are having him evaluated because they know he is verbal and they don't get to see a lot of his little oddities. His issues are more subtle than what springs into most people's minds when they think of an autistic child. He does have tantrums, but I don't feel like they are manipulative in nature like Kain's are. He just kind of falls apart when things aren't going the way they are supposed to, and in this house, that happens a lot. He worries a lot. I wouldn't say he is anxious, but he kind of fusses and worries about certain things being just so, and he will ask you the same questions about something over and over again, like a rote script, and will get upset if you don't give the "correct" answer. For example, the first term he attended preschool classes at our homeschool co-op, he would need to prattle through the routine many, many, many times the day before..."we are going to have circle time and share time and snack and recess and craft time and sing the marching song and then you will pick me up and we will have lunch and...." over and over again, and if I didn't respond or got irritated and said, "Jack, that's enough, we've already talked about this" he would fall to pieces. He is usually pretty obedient, though you may have to request something several times to register on his radar, but he can also get very worked up about things and just kind of shut down and start screaming because people aren't responding in a way that will calm him, which mainly means dropping the conversation/arguing, holding and shushing him for a minute and bringing his emotions back down, and then starting over. Other types of behavior problems come from the fact that he is more physically mature than mentally mature. That is, he can get into a lot of trouble and has no judgement as to why he shouldn't do certain things. He is especially adept at messing around with our electronics and has seriously messed up our computer by figuring out our password somehow to access our desktop, go online and download a virus, delete files from our desktop, etc. He can get to any safe place I try to keep dvd's and cd's and drag them around the house. He will reset the alarm clocks. Stuff like that.

To finish up, I will say that there was never any big regression in acquired skills. He did lose the ability to make eye contact at some point. I don't know when exactly that happened...I can guess somewhere between 1-3 years of age. I know he did make eye contact as a baby, and at some point after he became an active toddler he was unable to do it anymore. I'm sad to say that we didn't notice this for quite some time. I think he just seemed busy and active, and it just didn't register. It was around 3 1/2 that I was starting to fear that something more was going on than just immaturities in certain areas. More about that in my wrap-up post tomorrow though. If you've actually read through all of this, God love you! Tomorrow will be much shorter! :)

Jack

2010-02-15T07:36:00.004-05:00

Instead of doing a daybook this week, I'm just going to write about what is consuming all of my thoughts...we begin a special journey this Lent, our journey for Jack. On Ash Wednesday, we will travel 3+ hours to a university developmental center to have him evaluated for autism spectrum disorders. Isn't that a fitting time to begin such a thing?

I took this picture just for the occasion. I'm filling out reams of paperwork for this appointment, and they also want a picture stapled to the front. I couldn't find a recent picture of just Jack actually looking into the camera, so I had to take some. He's not an easy guy to photograph. This one came out great though. It looks just like him. Is that a weird thing to say about a photograph? They *all* look like him, of course, but this one...it's special. Jack rarely makes eye contact anymore, but when he does, this is just what he looks like- crooked smile, a little shy...

Anyway, I've wanted to post more about this before, how we got to this point of finally having him evaluated, and I've put it off because it's such a *big* story. And I'm sure this will be a very long post, I'm sorry about that. Maybe I will break it up into more than one post. But filling out all the paperwork has forced me to get my thoughts together, to reach back and dust off memories of how things were at different points. I could say that there were almost always things that niggled at me about Jack, but I'm not sure that's genuine. I mean, you could probably always say that, you know? If one of my kids was diagnosed with a brain tumor tomorrow, I would say, "Oh, well I should have known something was wrong when she had that headache three weeks ago." Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. And part of that is why I'd like to get all of this down now, before we see any professionals that may taint our very unprofessional opinions and thoughts about our son.

These forms always start with the history...pregnancy and birth history, medical history, developmental milestones, etc. And there's really not a whole lot of significant information to report here. He was full term. My pregnancy was uncomplicated and healthy. His birth was a bit rocky in that I had prolonged rupture of membranes, and he ended up being in the hospital for a few days on "just in case" antibiotics. He also had rather wet lungs at birth and was on nasal cannula oxygen for a day or two. These are all very common, even mundane, complications. I used to work in a hospital nursery, and these are very common interventions. His medical history had a few early bumps. His lungs stayed reactive, and he had problems with wheezing quite frequently that first couple of years. He would even wheeze from crying hard. He had RSV when he was a few months old, but we managed to stay out of the hospital. His lungs strengthened though. He still has asthma, but we only break out the nebulizer a couple of times a year, and it's almost always a virus that triggers the problem. He had ear infections, lots of them, the first at 2 months of age. The pediatrician said he was the youngest baby he'd ever had with an ear infection. And he had them a *lot* that first year and a half, which meant lots of antibiotics, lots of problems with diarrhea and yeast...even then he was hypersensitive to new tastes and would gag and often vomit on most medications, so that was rough. They started talking about putting him on daily antibiotics and possibly putting tubes in his ears. And so we started looking for alternatives. We ended up taking him to a homeopathic practitioner. She saw him once, prescribed a remedy, and he hasn't had hardly an ear infection since. He was born with an undescended testicle, and at 2 years of age they decided to operate on it. They found a little hernia was the culprit and repaired that. His vaccines are up to date, and no, there was no memorable reaction to any of them. So, I wouldn't say his medical history was pristine, but nor do I see any place where I can say, "Oh, this was a definite red flag."

The developmental milestone section is the first place where it starts to show a bit. Not early on though. As a baby, Jack seemed normal in every way, frankly. He was social. He smiled, made eye contact. I was a baby nurse, I know what to look for, I would have noticed issues like that. He had colic, but so did my oldest, and it passed around 4 months like hers did. His early milestones were all within normal range. Looking back, only a couple of things stand out. One, at some point after the early months, he started having trouble falling asleep normally. Unlike my first child, would no longer rock or nurse to sleep, and trying to do so seemed to just make him more and more upset and stimulated. He did love the baby swing, ironically, but once he outgrew that we were in trouble. We ended up putting his crib in a separate room and laying him down alone to sleep...something totally foreign to my crunchy-momma leanings. He had the hypersensitive gag reflex and never took to most table foods very well. And his speech developed on the slow side. Not terribly so. No red flags at the time in the absence of other significant issues. His speech *did* develop, just slowly. And as he became a toddler, issues with fine motor skills started to show. He had no interest in trying to dress himself, brush his own teeth, using a fork/spoon (although he would eat very few foods that required them anyway). I see this as a red flag now. Even Tess is already trying to do these things, trying to push her feet into her shoes, draping clothing over her head to try and dress herself...Jack never did any of that. He still doesn't. Anyway, with that, I'm starting to spill into another area. I think I will stop here and pick up again later. My head is buzzing with thoughts I want to get down, but I have to get my day going. Thanks for sticking with me this far!

My big babies

2010-02-09T10:10:00.004-05:00

It looks like Tess has weaned.
(sigh)
I guess that's for the best. It will make things easier when the new one arrives. Still, it was kind of unexpected and leaves me a bit sad. She's my earliest weaner by far. I think it's because she's my only finger-sucker. She still will curl up when she's sleepy or upset and kind of "assume the position", but then she plugs her fingers in her mouth. My milk supply was dwindling anyway because she was only nursing a couple of times in a 24 hour period, and then when the second trimester came I think it dried up completely. She started going two and three days at a time without nursing at all. Then last week, she was awakened by a noise and very cranky about it and wanted to nurse, and I realized I couldn't really remember when the last time she nursed had been. I thought, "This may be the last time she nurses." And so far, it has been.
(sniff)

Also, Jack slept in his own room most of the night last night. He is *very* difficult to settle down at night and takes a couple of hours to fall asleep. Usually, especially since I have taken to going to bed earlier lately, he is still awake when I go to bed, and then we just (all three of us!) fall asleep together. This happens so often that we actually still had just a toddler bed in his room, and it was rarely being used. But in anticipation of adding another baby to the mix soon, we finally put together a twin bed for him that we'd been storing out in the garage and I bought a Thomas the Tank Engine sheet set for it. I moved the toddler bed into my bedroom (for Tess to start using, though we haven't started working on that yet). And then I left things alone. I know Jack well enough to know that it's best to proceed slowly with these things, so I just kind of let him get used to the changes in furniture and such. Well, last night, I was getting ready to go upstairs to bed and went to hunt up Jack, and I found him asleep in his own bed! He did end up in my bed at some point, but still...progress!

A while back I wrote this post wondering how I was going to work out new sleeping arrangements and such before the baby came. Things seem to be working out on their own, though I still think they will need a bit of nudging from me too. We will work on that after our little trip this month. My goal is to have Tess using the toddler bed, Jack in his own room, and the cosleeper free for the new baby. So,,,this is a good thing. Right? Yes, of course it is. (sigh) I just always seem to feel a little bit of growing pains before a new one comes, a kind of mourning for the way things have been and knowing that life will be changing soon. See?

Another snowy daybook

2010-02-08T07:31:00.006-05:00

Outside my window...we are expecting more snow. I thought it was supposed to start this morning, but I woke up at 6am to at least a good inch already on the ground. Hmm. I'm ready for Spring.

I am hearing...Kain rocking in the rocking chair behind me waiting for the bus. Not much else. Everyone's asleep.

I am thinking...we have been eating out way too much. My budget is shot. I need to come up with some quick dinner ideas to keep on hand to fight the temptation to pick up stuff.

I am thankful for...not living in Virginia. :) I'm from northern Virginia. I love Virginia. I'm glad I'm not there for the 2+ feet of snow though.

I am wearing...a white tshirt and aqua pajama pants. I went to walmart last night in this. I'm not proud.

We are currently reading...By the Shores of Silver Lake with Kain. Assorted stuff around the house. I need to make a good library list and get some more books in the house for the others. I won't be taking the children. Last time we were at the library, we found this book. It's a sad day when I can't let my small children pick library books. We discuss things pretty openly in this house, and I would have used this to delve into this discussion with Maria or even Kain. But I resent the hell out of having stuff like this shoved down the throats of my preschoolers. I knew my day of censoring library materials would come, but frankly I thought it would be when Maria discovered the "Young Adult" section. I never thought my issues would come from the picture book shelves. Silly me.

I am praying...for a fruitful Lent. I haven't planned anything. I've thought about ordering something for me to read, but honestly, we have a lot around here already, and I'm sure I can find something online. Any ideas?

Latest on the babies...Tess has taken to doing this Jersey girl whiiiine anytime she is mad about something. She says, "MAAAAAAAAAA", but it's like a three syllable word, her pitch rising and falling. She sounds like Gloria Bunker.

Are you familiar with Nintendo Wii? We got one for Christmas, and on this game you can create a "Mii" to be the character that you are playing in the game. Jack figured out how to create his own. It is quite a sight, this Mii. He has a gigantic head and the blackest skin and eyes you can choose. But he has caucasian hair, straight and light brown in color and balding, and big black goofy Buddy Holly glasses. Jack named him "Gimzberg". We have no idea where this name came from. So. His Mii is a black, near-sighted, balding Jewish guy. The other kids created Mii's that looked like themselves. Not Jack. :)

From the kitchen...not a thing. We've had a crazy weekend, and I will be cleaning my kitchen today. I have no big kitchen plans except to put up a few more freezer meals.

Around the house...cleaning up my bedroom for company. My mom is going to come stay with the other kids while we take Jack to his evaluation next week.

In the learning room...just plugging away with Maria, and hoping to get to some Lenten planning this week.

In the garden...green crocus leaves are poking out through the snow, and yesterday we saw a robin in the front yard. Poor robin. We need to make sure the feeders are full today too. More snow coming. Waaah.

Plans for the rest of the week...our homeschool co-op starts this Thursday and will run for the next 10 weeks. I forked out big bucks so I wouldn't have to teach this term. I am taking the two littles to a local performance of Goodnight Moon and The Runaway Bunny, won't that be fun?! Otherwise, we just have the usual dance/PSR/therapies.

Have a great week!

A first of February daybook

2010-02-01T08:52:00.003-05:00

Outside my windows- dark still, and very cold...single digit cold...several inches of ice and snow too.

I am hearing...silence. Jack and Tess woke up and then fell back asleep on the couch. Every so often I hear a car crunching and scraping by on our icy road.

I am thinking...no deep thoughts. I feel like all I ever blog anymore is these daybooks. Sorry about that. I'll get there again.

I am thankful for...my bed. We spent the weekend in Branson at a hotel. Nothing like a hotel to make you thankful for your own bed.

I am wearing...lovely olive green sweatpants and a pink pajama shirt. The sweatpants are over the pajama pants. I was cold.

We are currently reading...Kain and I have started By the Shores of Silver Lake. I was reading a 50 year old cookbook with Little House recipes that Maria found at the library. It was less an actual, usable cookbook (unless you really are interested in cooking a pig on a spit) and more just background information about the times that Laura and Almanzo lived in. Very interesting! Now I'm reading Engaging Autism, thanks Mary!

I am praying...prayers of thanks for a safe trip this past weekend. We definitely had one of those guardian angel moments where we came really close to an accident. The roads were pretty bad and we were probably pretty stupid to go, but we did, and we made it there and back safely.

Latest on the babies...We got Jack's evaluation appointment! Happy dance! Happy dance! It's for Feb. 18th. Tess's newest thing is naming body parts. She's been able to do a couple of them for a while now, but she's added considerably to her repertoire. She says "noe" (nose), "eye", "her" (hair), "er" (ear), "chee" (cheek), "ps" (lips), and "tee" (teeth). Little honey five is getting BIG. Have I said that before? Oh my goodness, I feel huge and breathless. He's stopped the actual kicking and has moved to squirmy, wiggle movements. I can often feel sharp little parts poking out. Makes me nervous. There's still several weeks to go, you know? Slow down, kid!

From the kitchen...Kain's birthday is on Tuesday. We celebrated in part this weekend with the Branson thing, but he will get his presents on Tuesday and he gets to pick dinner...homemade pizza and mint chocolate chip ice cream. I'm making some cupcakes to bring to day treatment.

Around the house...Hey! I actually made some great progress in the school room! I still have a ways to go, but I'll take what I can get.

In the learning room...Kain will be joining us today because day treatment has been snowed out. This will be interesting. All I really have for him is some math.

In the garden- The bird feeders are crazy busy. I got a new one for Christmas and attached it to my kitchen window. The others are hanging further outside the window. It's been great fun to work in the kitchen and watch the birds. We've got our usual chickadees and pair of cardinals, and the pesky starlings, but now we've also got some titmice, nuthatches, and even a woodpecker! Unfortunately, the cats discovered the new feeder while we were gone and have set up camp on the counter by the window, which is keeping the birds away somewhat. Grrr.

Plans for the rest of the week...the usual, or what doesn't get snowed out, plus Kain's birthday dinner. I hope (hope! hope!) to finish up the school room, as well as dig through a couple of piles elsewhere. I still have two more rooms to dejunk, as well as that durned living room to paint, before this baby comes!

a "trying to avoid burn out" daybook

2010-01-25T07:34:00.002-05:00

Outside my window...dark and cold. It's still early.

I am hearing...sounds of Kain puttering. He's getting ready to go to day treatment. Everyone else is still asleep.

I am thinking...I'm feeling rather burned out right now. I can't seem to get anything done that I need to get done and I feel like I'm spinning in circles all day. John has been working a lot in an effort to prepay baby-related expenses and I can't get time to catch up on things around here. I'm starting to feel this "the baby is coming home in 10 weeks and I'm running out of time!" thing. I have three areas of the house I really need to (set on fire) clean and organize and I just can't get in there to do them. I also really, really, really want to repaint the living room before he comes. I've been wanting to do this *forever* and if we don't get it done before having another baby who knows when it will happen? Also. We are out of coffee this morning. Unacceptable crisis.

I am thankful for...not much. Isn't that terrible? Of course, I'm thankful for all kinds of things. I just am too sleepy and irritated to think of anything right this second. How about teenage daughters that will watch little kids while John and I go grocery shopping and have lunch together today? My first stop...for coffee.

I am wearing...pajamas and a bathrobe.

We are currently reading... Kain and I just finished On the Banks of Plum Creek. We should start Farmer Boy, but I don't own that one and didn't think to pick it up at the library yet. So, we will probably start Little Town on the Prairie tonight. Jack and I are reading a book of Peter Rabbit stores. I'm planning on getting the DVD on netflix when we're done. Tess and I are reading,,,oh, all kinds of things we have on our own shelves. She loves Eric Carle just like Jack did at this age.

I am praying...for coffee. No, I'm being silly. I'm praying for my mom. She's having a hard time right now.

Latest on the babies...Tess is a stasher. She has little hidey holes that she will stash all kinds of things in. One of her favorites right now is a cabinet in the entertainment center. It has a childproof latch on it, but she can open it just enough to slip all manner of tiny things inside it. Also, she is a dancing queen. All you have to do is hum a tune and she will start shaking it. Little honey five is 30 weeks along this week and doing just fine. I had a midwife visit last Friday and my hemoglobin was back up, yay!

I'm also thinking a lot about Jack. I helped out in his PSR preschool class yesterday, and it gave me the chance to see him in a structured setting with other kids for the first time since this past summer. Things haven't changed much. He's not a behavior problem or anything, but he's not really engaged either. I noticed four particular incidents...one, they went around the room asking kids to finish the sentence "At church I like to...." Jack couldn't give an answer. He can't answer questions like that. He would just say, "How about..." over and over, which is his way of answering a question that he doesn't know how to answer. Second, his motor skills are terrible, which we already knew. Many of the boys had pretty poor motor skills. But his were worse. Third, they sat in a circle and did a song with hand rhymes, and he was completely unengaged. I wasn't surprised. I've tried often to do things like this with him, and he just doesn't "get it". He doesn't sing (I don't believe I've ever really heard him sing), and he doesn't participate at all. Fourth, his communication issues can cause all kinds of problems. At one point, they told the kids to come back to their chairs. When Jack went back to his chair, another girl had sat down in his chair and had no intention of moving. Jack just backed up and stood there with tears in his eyes and panic on his face. It was obvious he had no idea what to do when he couldn't do what he was supposed to and he was falling apart fast. I saw what had happened and hustled him into another chair, but I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been there? We still wait (and wait and wait) for an evaluation appointment for him.

From the kitchen...planning some special days this week. Maria's baptism day is Tuesday and Kain's name day is Thursday, so they get to pick dinner and a dessert on those days. Maria picked meatloaf, couscous, artichokes, and key lime pie. What a combo, huh? Kain picked spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, and "chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and coconut on top". He loves coconut. I hated it as a kid, I always thought it tasted like pieces of dead skin.

Around the house...don't ask. just don't.

In the learning room...reading, writing, math, whatever, blah, blah, blah. Look people, I'm just limping along at this point, trying to get as much of the syllabus done as I can before the baby comes. I'm not planning much for Jack and Tess right now except TRYING to get my school closet cleaned out and some workbox/Montessori type lessons set up. That will be my big Before Baby Comes accomplishment in that department. Once we are all back to a post-baby normal, I have fun plans for those two though.

In the garden...my one small outdoor accomplishment was to get out and clean up the little flower beds out front around our little dogwood trees. I found bulbs coming up already! Crocuses, and probably daffodils too. I'm a little worried about the daffodils. It's not unusual for us to see some pretty nasty weather in February.

Plans for the rest of the week...today is BUSY. Shopping and lunch with John, therapy for Kain, dance class for Maria. The rest of the week should be pretty sane..PSR on Wednesday, therapy for Kain on Thursday. Friday we are traveling to Maria's feis (Irish dance competition) in Branson, MO. Kain's birthday is next week, so we are combining it with a stay here!